Collection of Lame Jokes

[BillTre]

 

[Ibix]

Ouch...

I tried to persuade my wife we should name our son Luke so that when he was learning table manners I could say "use the fork, Luke", but she wasn't having it. Spoilsport.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[David Lewis]

In the Canary Islands, there is not one canary.
In the Virgin Islands, same thing.
Not one canary there either.

 

[WWGD]

" Did you know Protons have mass?"
"No, I didn't even know they're Catholic".

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

What do you call a car driven by a sheep wearing a swimsuit?

A lamb bikini

 

[davenn]

 

[hmmm27]

View attachment 303625

almost...

 

[berkeman]

almost...

Where's the rimshot emoji...?

 

[davenn]

had quite a family it seems

Brother, Pass
comedic Uncle, Groucho
cousin, Hash

PS ...
Ohhh and there was also the other cousin, Skid

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

I checked a website to figure out the value of my car. Their first question was whether its tank is full or empty.

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Jodo]

Marilyn Monroe says to Albert Einstein " if we were to marry and have children they would be the smartest in the world and also the most beautiful in the world "
Albert replies " but what if they got my looks and your brain? "

 

[Jodo]

Albert Einstein challenges Mr. Bean to a knowledge contest.
Albert says " I will ask you a question. If you cannot supply me a correct answer, you owe me one dollar "
" Then you ask me a question and if I cannot supply a correct answer, I owe you 1000 dollars "
Mr. Bean agrees.
Albert asks Mr. Bean a question. After some time, Mr. Bean hands Albert a dollar.
Mr. Bean asks Albert " what animal has 4 legs but while it crosses the street it has 3 legs and when it gets to the other side it only has 2 legs? "
Albert thinks and thinks and then hands Mr. Bean 1000 dollars.
Albert replies " I don't know, what is it ?"
Mr. Bean hands Albert a dollar ... .

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DennisN]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[strangerep]

[fat bottomed girls...]

I never understood that song. I mean, I can see how they'd make the world a bit flatter, but how do they increase the world's angular momentum?

Oh, of course! They sit down. Silly me.

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 303664

When Chuck Norris does a pushup he doesn’t push himself up, he pushes the Earth do… no wait a minute, it is both!

 

[DennisN]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[fresh_42]

I never understood that song.

Who am I to argue with an astrophysicist? ${}^*)$ ${}^*)$ Brian May wrote that song.