Collection of Lame Jokes

[DennisN]

I am currently assembling a couple of IKEA dressing tables, and while I was doing that I thought of searching on the net for pictures of the worst assembled IKEA furniture.

Here are some funny examples, enjoy :When You End Up With A Rocking Chair

When Things Just Crack

When You Create An Avalanche

Don't Try To Sit On It

When You Do The Slip And Slide

When You Miss A Step

Source: https://diply.com/30960/11-ikea-fails-that-are-so-relatable-it-hurts

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Jodo]

 

[strangerep]

View attachment 303708

Oh dear, that's so uncomfortably close to my truth that it hurts...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

Why did the chicken pluck itself?

Spoiler

To get faster to the other side of the pool.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[OCR]

 

[jack action]

Him: What I like about a woman is her personality.

Her: That's good, I have several!

Him: What!?

Her: Ha!Ha! Don't listen to her, she's crazy.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[phinds]

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

Gosh, this one is so funny (I just saw it on facebook) :

 

[phinds]

The kind of pun you really hate unless you thought of it.

 

[phinds]

tool commentary

 

[fresh_42]

If you don't feel like a beer, you have to drink two.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Orodruin]

My wife told me to take a spider out
Went for a few drinks
Nice guy, but a total sucker
Works with web design

 

[Jodo]

Einstein and Newton are in a bar...​

...Einstein says to Newton, "I've found mathematically that as an object travels faster and faster, it experiences time lower and is squished in the direction parallel to the velocity, when viewed from a stationary perspective."

Newton replies "Interesting. Well, do go on."

Einstein explains, "Imagine two people at opposite ends on top of a train moving very quickly. Even though the train is moving, if the person in the rear shines a light to the other in the front, they will measure the light to move at the usual constant speed of light. Likewise though, a person stationary beside the tracks will also measure the light to travel at the same speed, though from their stationary perspective the light traveled further because by the time the light got to the front person, they had moved a little bit more forward due to the velocity of the train. This means that the stationary person sees the light take longer to go from one person to the other."

He adds, "Additionally, if the person in the rear of the train measures the velocity of the light away from him to be one value, shouldn't the velocity they themselves possesses not mean that the light would move faster from getting that extra push? But when we measure it, this is not the case!"

"If we allow ourselves to alter values like the passage of time for different perspectives, and even the masses of objects, we can create a set of physical laws which shows us how the people on the train can reconcile their views with the person beside it, based upon their relative velocities."

And so Newton replies, "What the hell is a train?"

 

[pinball1970]

Gosh, this one is so funny (I just saw it on facebook) :

View attachment 303811

Looks far side. I loved those in the 90s

 

[strangerep]

Looks far side. I loved those in the 90s

Gary Larson still produces cartoons, slowly, on his website. I check it every day. A psychiatrist could write an entire book on whatever is really going on in Larson's deep subconscious.

My favorite is an old cartoon where a line of cows are waiting to go into an abattoir. One cow at the end yells at another nearer the front who is trying to cut in line, and says: "Hey you! End of the line!"

 

[fresh_42]

Physicists found out but decide to go back in again.

 

[Orodruin]

This reminds me of my time as a PhD student. The department used to have a large unused glass display case. I put a sign on it ”Don’t feed the neutrinos”.

 

[Ibix]

I put a sign on it ”Don’t feed the neutrinos”.

You wouldn't want them to gain mass.

 

[Orodruin]

You wouldn't want them to gain mass.

That’s the problem. Someone fed the right-handed neutrinos and look where we’re at …

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 303934

This reminds me of my time as a PhD student. The department used to have a large unused glass display case. I put a sign on it ”Don’t feed the neutrinos”.

There is a deluxe present version available: wrapped in specific papers according to the occasion and filled with mist and some extra surprise myons.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Jodo]

What is blue and smells like red paint?

Red paint moving very fast towards you.

 

[BillTre]