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Collection of Lame Jokes
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Han shot first...fresh_42 said:
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I think I need to rethink my opinion on recycling.
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-Dan
Swamp Thing
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Science Advisor
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If it's true that we're here to help others, what are the others here for?
Do all cemetery workers work the graveyard shift?
Since the elderly are called "old people", why aren't infants called "new people"?
How come when people are asked what they would take to a desert island, no one every says "a boat"?
If a deaf person goes to court is it still called a hearing?
Since they're just stale bread to begin with, how come croutons come in airtight, resealable packages?
When they say a dog food is "new and improved" how do they know?
Do all cemetery workers work the graveyard shift?
Since the elderly are called "old people", why aren't infants called "new people"?
How come when people are asked what they would take to a desert island, no one every says "a boat"?
If a deaf person goes to court is it still called a hearing?
Since they're just stale bread to begin with, how come croutons come in airtight, resealable packages?
When they say a dog food is "new and improved" how do they know?
Mayhem
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Wants world domination.dextercioby said:
Language is indecipherable.
Technologically advanced.
Gets killed from a virus.
What did Indepedence Day mean by this?
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Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
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I almost spit my coffee all over my computer on that one. That never occurred to me. LOL!phinds said:
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You are confusing your alien invasions. When according to broadcaster Orson Wells, the aliens first invaded the US in 1938, they died from a virus. But when Will Smith took them on for the 4th of July, he slapped them silly.Mayhem said:
Science Advisor
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Not a lame joke, but thr truth.
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Science Advisor
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Science Advisor
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Guy drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through his wavy gray hair and scraggly beard. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-65, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to wait for the trooper to catch up.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
Guy paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I was afraid you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to wait for the trooper to catch up.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
Guy paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I was afraid you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
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Mayhem
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Why did the mathematician scare his family for Christmas?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25