Collection of Lame Jokes

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[jtbell]

"Not as hot as you."

 

[jtbell]

A couple out west who were into boating decided to retire on the east coast. Their boat dealer suggested Beaufort, North Carolina. So they flew out and started looking at waterfront properties. After a few days, they called up the dealer.

"We've found some nice places, but the water is too shallow for boating."

"Huh? I know Beaufort, and the water is plenty deep enough there. "

It turned out they were in Beaufort, South Carolina, not North Carolina.

To make this even better, the town in NC is "Bow-fort", and the town in SC is "Bew-fert."

But... they decided they really liked the place anyway, and ended up buying a house there.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

"Not as hot as you."

Smooth!

 

[Ibix]

It turned out they were in Beaufort, South Carolina, not North Carolina.

Not quite that magnitude of error, but I once agreed to meet some friends at the Moon Under Water pub near Leicester Square tube station in London. All of us knew the place, no problem.

Or so we thought. Turns out there are (or were, in the late 90s) actually two pubs called the Moon Under Water within about 200m of each other, and we all knew one or the other but none of us knew both. We did all manage to meet up after a rather confused phone call.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[sandy stone]

View attachment 333993​

Truth is stranger than fiction

 

[fresh_42]

 

[berkeman]

Hope the monkeys didn't touch anything...

https://fracturedfaithblog.com/2018/05/29/dont-press-that-button/

 

[berkeman]

From FB today:

 

[DennisN]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[davenn]

As a child, I was always told to reach for the stars...

I have since learned that famous people do not like to be grabbed...

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 333993​

But jokes aside, the vehicle actually belongs to Dial-A-Topologist.

 

[Swamp Thing]

 

[Ibix]

But jokes aside, the vehicle actually belongs to Dial-A-Topologist.

Ring-A-Topologist, surely? It's their field unit, which has everything they need in a bundle in the back.

 

[davenn]

Sometimes you just don't ask why .....

My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

 

[davenn]

Sometimes you just don't ask why .....

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...

 

[davenn]

Sometimes you just don't ask why .....

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

STAY ALERT!
They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....

 

[Ibix]

Sometimes you just don't ask why .....

My dad told a story of buying two posters in the early 1970s, not long after decimalisation of currency in the UK when everyone was a bit confused by this newfangled system. The posters were £1 each, but on a half price sale. The girl behind the counter got a piece of paper and wrote down 1.00 and 2 and carried out a long division, getting 0.50. Then she wrote down 1.00 and 2 and carried out a long division, getting 0.50. Then she transcribed both answers into a column and added them up, getting £1. And my dad who had (by some mysterious wizardry) arrived at the answer before her gave her a pound, scraped his jaw off the floor and went on his way.

 

[fresh_42]

Sometimes you just don't ask why .....

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...

In 1985, A&W began offering the Third Pounder to compete with McDonald's Quarter Pounder. As advertised, the Third beat the Quarter in taste tests and was less expensive by weight. In his 2007 memoir, former owner A. Alfred Taubman claimed research had revealed that it had been unsuccessful in part due to Americans' widespread innumeracy, specifically their inability to understand fractions: 1/3 was perceived as smaller than 1/4 (due to the smaller denominator) in spite of being a larger quantity.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A&W_Restaurants

 

[Borg]

Coming soon. A 1/1,000,000th pound burger...

 

[fresh_42]

Coming soon. A 1/1,000,000th pound burger...

Yes, that was the part of the story where I cut my quote ...

... The burger was relaunched in 2021 as the 3/9 Pound burger, humorously attempting to capitalize on the now-popular fractions misunderstanding story.

 

[fresh_42]