Collection of Lame Jokes

[Orodruin]

View attachment 348477

As someone who has actually had such bad eyesight to not be able to judge, the left picture is waaaay too sharp.

 

[WWGD]

I can't remember who was the Hunchback of Notre Dame, but Quasimodo rings a bell.

 

[BillTre]

Pavlov also rings a bell.

 

[WWGD]

Pavlov also rings a bell.

Or some woman( a belle) in Louisiana receives a phone call.

 

[jack action]

1. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
2. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on. He turns the dark off.
3. Chuck Norris once counted to infinity. Twice.
4. Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
5. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
6. The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris before going to bed.
7. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
8. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.
9. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he's not lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
10. Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
11. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
12. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
13. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
14. Chuck Norris can make onions cry.
15. Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
16. Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
17. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
18. When Chuck Norris makes a mistake, it’s a new scientific law.
19. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.
20. Chuck Norris sneezed once back in 1946 and all the ladies started mysteriously getting pregnant for the next 18 yrs. This was known as the baby boom era.

 

[jack action]

 

[jrmichler]

View attachment 348477

Severe nearsightedness is especially bad when skinny dipping in mixed company. Now that I have had cataract surgery, am farsighted, and 72 years old, nobody seems to want to go skinny dipping any more. Getting old has its downsides.

 

[fresh_42]

Severe nearsightedness is especially bad when skinny dipping in mixed company. Now that I have had cataract surgery, am farsighted, and 72 years old, nobody seems to want to go skinny dipping any more. Getting old has its downsides.

I know what you mean.

Public swimming pool (without glasses):

You can't imagine how many women wear black swimsuits and what it means when this is the only feature by which you can recognize your friend with whom you want to continue small talk.

Thermal bath (steam section without glasses; glasses are senseless because foggy):

It can be pretty embarrassing when you stare at people, trying to focus your gaze to identify your friend. They think it's voyeurism. If only they knew that voyeurism doesn't make much sense with -7 each at two meters away.

 

[WWGD]

There's an app called " Uninstaller" to uninstall apps. Wonder if it will shave itself or not.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Tom.G]

I hope he doesn't sneeze!

 

[Orodruin]

 

[dextercioby]

Not a new meme/joke, but sometimes the old ones are good.

 

[edwardII]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 348537

I do not doubt the result, but I'm pretty sure that the margins are significantly higher!

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Swamp Thing]

Notice that the typical call center icon

looks a lot like the horror/scream icon?

 

[fresh_42]

(Not that it matters but the caption says: That explains it all.)

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

Musk is moving X and SpaceX to Texas and not one reporter could come up with the headline "All the Exes and going to Texas" ?

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 348575

I guess the choice depends on whether you want your dog to be able to hide in plain sight on your furniture.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 348598​

I posted this on FB and it was immediately removed as spam because I used the link, not the photo. I did now use the photo on a second try: I'm excited to see whether I'll get into FB jail for it.

 

[BillTre]

Cross-over Event:

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

You are not going to BELIEVE the pizza that slices from this this go on.