Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

There is so much wrong there. First, even by the logic of the post, if they were a on three-hour tour, the farthest they could have gone during the tour was 20.7 miles. Second, they were caught in a storm, so the cruising speed is irrelevant. Third, it is said nowhere in the theme song that they landed on Gilligan's Island within 3 hours of the start of their journey.

That just adds to my doubts of the reality of it all

 

[phinds]

 

[DrGreg]

Today, the interior of the restored Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris was revealed.

(That's not a joke, it's true. Now for the joke.)

The floor tiles are oriented that way to make it easier for the archbishop to move around.

Spoiler: I don't get it

Bishops can move only diagonally.

 

[phinds]

The floor tiles are oriented that way to make it easier for the bishops to move around.

I can only assume this was done tongue in cheek, or as the French say, sur un ton pince-sans-rire.

 

[Borg]

Today, the interior of the restored Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris was revealed.

I missed seeing it by one day.

 

[Borg]

When you tell your pet to sit and it doesn't quite hear you correctly.

 

[nuuskur]

 

[sbrothy]

https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/duh

 

[phinds]

Factoid #1:

 

[phinds]

Factoid #2:

If you were to take all of the veins and arteries in your body and stretch them end to end ... you would die, so don't do that !

 

[sbrothy]

Contrary to common belief a pencil doesn't contain lead but graphite; eating one is still a stupid idea though. They probably taste like crud and you might end up with charchoal stuffed down your throat anyway. Just to be sure:


P

 

[sbrothy]

View attachment 353906

Or indeed whin. :)

 

[Jonathan Scott]

Contrary to common belief a pencil doesn't contain lead but graphite; eating one is still a stupid idea though.

Not a joke, but until around the 1970s it used to be very common that the paint coating on pencils was lead-based, and one could get some degree of lead poisoning from chewing enough of them.

 

[sbrothy]

Yeah. It was a bit of nostalgia from when schoolbooks contained useless info like that some contraption like, for instance, a pencil or a pair of pants, contained enough different stuff that you could replace a biscupid, two nails and about a of cm² lung tissue (and yes I grabbed all that out of thin air),

 

[jtbell]

Where's the best place to start a landscaping business?

Lawn Guy Land.

 

[phinds]

 

[Filip Larsen]

The floor tiles are oriented that way to make it easier for the archbishop to move around.

Tiled floors are are not always an advantage, even if you are a bishop.

 

[davenn]

 

[Swamp Thing]

My uncle, at 80 years of age, still has amazing insights into people's personality. He's Jung at heart.

And Jung means "young" in German, icydk.

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 353909

You just have to spill the bird's seed on the ground.

 

[jtbell]

Tiled floors are are not always an advantage, even if you are a bishop.
View attachment 353996

Wouldn't that be more likely in Canterbury Cathedral than the Vatican?

 

[jack action]

 

[nuuskur]

 

[WWGD]

At the coffee shop:
" Is your orange juice fresh?"
" Yes, sir, we just opened the carton".

 

[gmax137]

I asked the waiter once, "is the haddock fresh?" She said, "oh yes! We just thawed it out today."

 

[DaveC426913]

Husband and wife enter a diner and order hamburgers and fries.
They are delivered by Maude - a large 70-year old with an ample bosom, cigarette-breath and a mole on her nose.
Wife discovers the patties are stone cold.
"Murray These patties are stone cold! What are you going to do about it?"
So Murray calls the waitress over.
"Waitress! These hamburger patties are stone cold! What are you going to do about it?"
Maude frowns, sticks a finger in the burger patties, then picks them both up, lifts up her blouse and slips the patties under her armpits. She hums for a few moments while husband and wife look on in horror. Finally, she takes them out, says "Should be warm enough now", slaps them back on the buns, and walks away.
Wife says "Murray! Did you see what she did?? That's outrageous! What are you going do about it??"

and Murray says "Well I'm sure not going to order the hot dog."

 

[Ibix]

I asked the waiter once, "is the haddock fresh?" She said, "oh yes! We just thawed it out today."

Waiter, waiter! This coffee tastes like dirt!

Yes sir, it was ground this morning.

 

[mjc123]

" Is your orange juice fresh?"
" Yes, sir, we just opened the carton".

Literally a line from Fawlty Towers. (But probably not the first or last time it's been said.)

 

[WWGD]

Literally a line from Fawlty Towers. (But probably not the first or last time it's been said.)

It actually happened when I went out to a coffee shop/cafe. I remembered it for some reason.

 

[mjc123]

I'm sure you would. It seems that "fresh" is one of those words that undergoes semantic slippage, drifting ever further from its original meaning. Like "live":
- Being present and witnessing an event as it happens.
- Watching it on TV in real time.
- Watching (years later) a recording made at the time.
Etc.