Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

Seems legit

 

[nsaspook]

Seems legit

View attachment 360556

Sounds like a Florida mosquito.

 

[WWGD]

Mayday, Mayday!

 

[dextercioby]

Let's not forget the classics.

 

[Borg]

At least he didn't eat a kid meal.

 

[jtbell]

Legal tip: if you're filing a lawsuit, don't let your lawyers watermark their PDFs with purple dragons in suits.

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

Oh, this is so true... if you've had a cat or cats, you know exactly what this means...

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 360599

I have read the following phrase about foxes these days:

A fox is cat software running on dog hardware.

 

[phinds]

 

[davenn]

A Texas farmer went on vacation to Australia. He met up with an Australian farmer who proudly showed off his wheat field.
"That's nothing," said the Texan. "Back home, we have wheat fields that are twice as large as this."

Next the Australian pointed out his cattle.
"They're nothing," said the Texan. "Back home, we have longhorns that are twice as big as your cows."

Just then, half a dozen kangaroos

bounded across the road.
"What are those?" asked the Texan.
The Australian replied, "Don't you have grasshoppers

in Texas?"

 

[nsaspook]

Legal tip: if you're filing a lawsuit, don't let your lawyers watermark their PDFs with purple dragons in suits.

"I don't know what the big deal is. Lady Justice also has scales."

 

[Klystron]

I do not pray often, but when I do, I pray to Zeus. No lines. No waiting. He is just glad to get the work.

Yeah, but then you go "Hey, Zeus!" and end up talking to that Other Guy.

 

[WWGD]

I have read the following phrase about foxes these days:

A fox is cat software running on dog hardware.

It was mentioned in...Fox news.

 

[WWGD]

I have read the following phrase about foxes these days:

A fox is cat software running on dog hardware.

It was mentioned in...Fox News.

 

[fresh_42]

It was mentioned in...Fox news.

I would like to point out that this is not one of my sources. Never ever. I have seen what it does to people! (family)

 

[WWGD]

I would like to point out that this is not one of my sources. Never ever.

\Whoosh news seems to be one such source. https://www.howtogeek.com/783229/what-does-whoosh-mean-on-the-internet/

 

[berkeman]

(Friendly Admin Reminder...) Ixnay on the oliticspay...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 360621

Could have fooled the guy singing in the corner ;).

 

[fresh_42]

I don't want to say I'm in a bad mood, but someone just asked my dog if I bite.

 

[DaveC426913]

Caveat: anecdote; not a joke.

At Dim Sum today, for our 33rd Anniversary.

Me: "Ooh! Deep-fried octopus - yum! Ah shoot! I really should uphold my resolution to stop eating octopus, now that resarch is showing them to have some degree of intelligence."

My wife (soto voce): "It's OK. You're only eating the stupid ones."

(Yep She's a keeper.)

 

[berkeman]

My wife (soto voce): "It's OK. You're only eating the stupid ones."

So on the octopus forums, they have their equivalent of this meme...?

https://www.trainerize.me/articles/outrun-bear/

 

[WWGD]

Octopi? Or $8 \pi$?

 

[berkeman]

Octopi? Or $8 \pi$?

They hate it when you use that old joke. Just saying that you may want to stay out of the water for the next couple of days...

 

[WWGD]

The entry on China in the almanac was a red flag.

 

[WWGD]

They hate it when you use that old joke. Just saying that you may want to stay out of the water for the next couple of days...

I recycle*. Shouldn't we all?
*Jokes.

 

[dwarde]

 

[Ibix]

They hate it when you use that old joke. Just saying that you may want to stay out of the water for the next couple of days...

Did you know that octopuses make a lot of money from playing poker? Seems they always play with suckers.