Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

Why didn't the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Why didn't the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

But Oh, honey do.

 

[HeLiXe]

But Oh, honey do.

literal LOL in the public library...thanks a lot lol

 

[Lancelot59]

literal LOL in the public library...thanks a lot lol

I had the same thing happen to me during a conversation with a friend. People got angry at me.

 

[jtbell]

What, you were reading PF on your phone while talking to someone? That's what I call multitasking!

 

[Ibix]

There was a young lady called Bright,
Who traveled far faster than light.
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And came back the previous night.

 

[drizzle]

Haha, nice!

 

[dkotschessaa]

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.

 

[Lancelot59]

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.

It's funny because it's a converging infinite series!

Someone once told me I was 404, and I was totally lost at that point.

 

[dkotschessaa]

someone once told me i was 404, and i was totally lost at that point.

c:\dos
c:\dos\run
run dos run

 

[Lancelot59]

c:\dos
c:\dos\run
run dos run

If you ever wind up running DOS, make a point of doing this. It's so mindlessly amusing.

A:\>If you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
A:\>If you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
A:\>If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it; if you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error

 

[dkotschessaa]

If you ever wind up running DOS, make a point of doing this. It's so mindlessly amusing.

A:\>If you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
A:\>If you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error
A:\>If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show if; if you're happy and you know it syntax error!
Syntax Error

ahahahaha

 

[Ken Natton]

I’m sorry dkotschessaa and Lancelot59, but I have to object to your posts on this thread today. In fact, I might have to report them. They clearly do not qualify for this thread. There is nothing remotely lame about them. That is definitely the hardest this thread has ever made me laugh. Much too witty for this thread.

 

[Alfi]

laugh - it's good medicine.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

100 level 1 bugs in the code.
100 level 1 bugs.
Debug for a while,
Try to compile.
101 level 1 bugs in the code.

 

[Alfi]

hehehhehjeheee

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

it's supposed to be mindless amusing run dog run.

Run Spot run.

 

[dkotschessaa]

I’m sorry dkotschessaa and Lancelot59, but I have to object to your posts on this thread today. In fact, I might have to report them. They clearly do not qualify for this thread. There is nothing remotely lame about them. That is definitely the hardest this thread has ever made me laugh. Much too witty for this thread.

My apologies. I will endeavor to be more lame in the future...

 

[Drakkith]

There was a young lady called Bright,
Who traveled far faster than light.
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And came back the previous night.

Love it!

 

[jtbell]

There was a young lady called Bright,
Who traveled far faster than light.
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And came back the previous night.

There was a young fellow named Fisk
Whose fencing was exceedingly brisk;
So fast was his action
The Lorentz contraction
Reduced his rapier to a disk.

 

[jtbell]

Did you hear about the rich swordfish who divorced his wife? He had to pay her a lot of abalone.

 

[cobalt124]

Should have put this one in before the Philosophy Forum went.

ICL VME Mainframe answering truly deep questions:

> God
GOD DOES NOT EXIST

 

[Ibix]

What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windscreen?

Spoiler

Its back legs.

 

[cobalt124]

Watson picks up a piece of sandstone and shows it to Holmes. "What could it mean?" he asks. "Sedimentary, my dear Watson!. It means our murderer is at this moment hiding in that larder with the yellow door". "But Holmes, how in blazes could you possibly deduce that?". "Lemon entry, my dear Watson!"

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

What's the volume of a pizza of radius z and thickness a?

Spoiler

pizza

 

[Ibix]

Did you hear about the phone company that won a Nobel prize?

It seems they made a phone that doesn't ring.

 

[Rooted]

The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

 

[dkotschessaa]

Did you hear about the rich swordfish who divorced his wife? He had to pay her a lot of abalone.

That joke gave me a haddock.

 

[dkotschessaa]

I'm reading a book about helium. I just can't put it down.

 

[Isaacsname]

Love is like flatulence.

If you have to force it out, it's probably not a fart.