Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

And a dozen ten-foot craters in his backyard where his outhouses used to be.

 

[Ibix]

Another bumper sticker, allegedly seen in New York: "What would Scooby Doo?"

 

[Illbilly]

Overheard in Math class...
" I wish i was your derivative so I could be tangent to your curves."

 

[dkotschessaa]

2 carpenters are building a fence. The senior guy is taking a break, when he notices the younger guy taking a nail out of the box, looking at it, and throwing it over his shoulder. He takes the next nail out, looks at it, and hammers it in. Next one gets hammered in. The one after that gets thrown over his shoulder. Finally, he goes over and asks him, “What the hell are you doing, throwing out these nails?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” the younger carpenter asks. “The heads are on the wrong ends of those nails.”
“You idiot!” swears the older carpenter. “Those nails are for the other side of the fence!”

 

[dkotschessaa]

Another bumper sticker, allegedly seen in New York: "What would Scooby Doo?"

"To be is to do" -Socrates;

"To do is to be"-Sartre;

"Do Be Do Be Do"-Sinatra;

 

[IMP]

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

 

[dkotschessaa]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fc1P-AEaEp8

 

[ShayanJ]

Peaches

There is a truck full of peaches going in street.One of the peaches falls off and is left behind,It shouts:hey peaches and you know what do they answer?They say:hey peach

 

[ShayanJ]

I guess that was lame enough :D

 

[genericusrnme]

Q: How many Californians does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A: Six: one to replace the bulb and five to share in the life experience.

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to an earlier riddle.

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: In earlier work, it was shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb. Now, if k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb. Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Q: How many UC Berkeley students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seventy-six. One to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb’s right not to change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.

dem lightbulb jokes!

 

[ShayanJ]

Let's give some more lightbulb jokes :D

Qow many physicists with interest in GR does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:Twne to hold the lightbulb and one to rotate the universe.

Qow many physicists with interest in QM does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:One.Two to change the lightbulb and one to normalize the wave function.

Qow many radio astronomers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:Nothing,They aren't interested in such a short wave length stuff.

 

[Isaacsname]

A snail was crossing the road one day and got run over by a turtle.

When he awoke in the emergency room, the doctor asked

" Can you tell me what happened ? "

The snail replied

" I don't know man, ...it all happened so fast. "

 

[boxOfLunch]

Q:Whats the difference between a budgie?

A:One is brown and the other one is also blue

 

[boxOfLunch]

At page 32 so far, thought i would create an account, skip ahead and add something.. Yes, I am at work..

 

[Isaacsname]

At page 32 so far, thought i would create an account, skip ahead and add something.. Yes, I am at work..

Just avoid making difficult jokes referencing sandpaper or sanding and you'll be fine.

 

[Isaacsname]

If a redneck had a time machine, would he sleep with his mother ?

Spoiler

Or use the time machine

 

[Ken Natton]

A small tribute to my deceased Scottish uncle of whom this was fairly typical:

Let's meet at the beach. If I get there first, I'll draw a cross in the sand. If you get there first, you rub it out.

 

[Rooted]

A lion walks into a pub and says to the bartender, "I'll have a ..... beer."

The bartender looks at the lion and says, "Why the big paws?"

 

[Isaacsname]

Enlightenment means nothing

 

[jtbell]

Why does a golfer carry an extra pair of pants?

It's in case he gets a hole in one.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Why does a golfer carry an extra pair of pants?

It's in case he gets a hole in one.

That's why they change socks during the tournament.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

"Woe is me" said the despondent apiarist, "to bee, or not to bee".

 

[rootX]

to bee or not to be bee... bee got no choice

 

[cobalt124]

Tubby, or not tubby... fat is the question.

 

[cobalt124]

Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two rights make?

... The first airplane.

Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do.

 

[cobalt124]

Two fish are in a tank, one looks at the other and says...

..."You man the guns, I'll drive!"

Get it? Fish can't talk!

Two parrots stood on a perch. One says to the other, "Something smells fishy".

 

[lisab]

Two parrots stood on a perch. One says to the other, "Something smells fishy".

Cobalt, your lame jokes are great!

 

[Rooted]

A duck and a chicken were at the side of a road. The duck was about to cross when the chicken said, "Don't do it mate, you'll never hear the end of it"

 

[BobG]

"Woe is me" said the despondent apiarist, "to bee, or not to bee".

To be or not to be, that is the answer.

The question?

Spoiler

What's the square root of 4B^2

 

[lisab]

A duck and a chicken were at the side of a road. The duck was about to cross when the chicken said, "Don't do it mate, you'll never hear the end of it"

"I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their intentions questioned"

--bumper sticker in town