Collection of Lame Jokes

[OCR]

Always wondered how Roman engineers built all those aqueducts, etc. with such system: XVI times MCD minus LVII = ...?!?

They didn't use all that stuff in the system you speak of, they just built them by..... ɪ

 

[Mark44]

A few very old one-liners of the sort "She was only a <fill in the blank> daughter...":

• She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I love her still.
• She was only a rancher's daughter, but all the cow manure.
• She was only a clergyman's daughter, but you couldn't put anything pastor.
• She was only a statistician's daughter, but she knew all the standard deviations.

 

[davenn]

A few very old one-liners of the sort "She was only a <fill in the blank> daughter...":

• She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I love her still.
• She was only a rancher's daughter, but all the cow manure.
• She was only a clergyman's daughter, but you couldn't put anything pastor.
• She was only a statistician's daughter, but she knew all the standard deviations.

... She was only a signalman's daughter because her dada did dit

That's especially for @berkeman a fellow radio op

 

[Ibix]

Always wondered how Roman engineers built all those aqueducts, etc. with such system: XVI times MCD minus LVII = ...?!?

See #2 in this thread: Unit conventions (SI versus others)

 

[OCR]

That's especially for berkeman...

What is for berkeman... ?
Dah-dah dah-dah-dah di-dah-dit di-di-dit dit, Dah-di-dah-dit dah-dah-dah dah-di-dit dit. .?

 

[Ibix]

What is for berkeman... ?

-... . .-. -.- . -- .- -. apparently.

 

[OCR]

Apparently.

 

[OCR]

.-.. --- .-.. .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.-

 

[davenn]

@OCR and @Ibix

do you 2 have radio operator backgrounds either commercially, military or amateur radio ?

 

[OCR]

.--- ..- ... - / -.-. --- -- -- . .-. -.-. .. .- .-.. --..-- / -. --- / -.-. --- -.. . .-.-.-

 

[Ibix]

do you 2 have radio operator backgrounds either commercially, military or amateur radio ?

Not really. My Dad knew Morse from the army and I picked up some of the conventions from him (dah/di/dit for verbalising dashes and dots, for example), but I don't actually know Morse (not the whole alphabet, anyway). Enough to get your "dada did dit" joke. I'm just using the Morse/text translator OCR and I have been linking since #3904.

 

[OCR]

My mother-in-law and brother-in-law are both hams, though... my MIL is here right now, love her, she's an...

Yeah...

I'm just using the Morse/text translator OCR and I have been linking since #3904.

 

[fresh_42]

"Darling, where's my lunch?"
"Cookbook, page 42."

 

[WWGD]

They didn't use all that stuff in the system you speak of, they just built them by..... ɪ

?

 

[WWGD]

"Darling, where's my lunch?"
"Cookbook, page 42."

Is the choice of 42 Random?

 

[fresh_42]

Is the choice of 42 Random?

Is the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technology_in_The_Hitchhiker%27s_Guide_to_the_Galaxy#Infinite_Improbability_Drive random?

 

[Ibix]

Is the choice of 42 Random?

He just multiplied six by nine and there it was.

 

[Ibix]

?

I/eye, I think.

 

[WWGD]

He just multiplied six by nine and there it was.

In what unit(s)?

 

[WWGD]

.--- ..- ... - / -.-. --- -- -- . .-. -.-. .. .- .-.. --..-- / -. --- / -.-. --- -.. . .-.-.-

What does Arabic have to see with it?

 

[Mark44]

?

I/eye, I think.

I know so.

.--- ..- ... - / -.-. --- -- -- . .-. -.-. .. .- .-.. --..-- / -. --- / -.-. --- -.. . .-.-.-

What does Arabic have to see with it?

Really, you thought that was Arabic?

 

[WWGD]

I know so.Really, you thought that was Arabic?

I actually thought it was Morse code in Arabic ; ) ( No, I did not think that).

 

[fresh_42]

In what unit(s)?

Just to annoy you imperials: SI units

 

[Ibix]

In what unit(s)?

Roads walked by a man.

 

[WWGD]

Roads walked by a man.

How many must one walk until one can be called a man ( before blowing in the wind) *?

* Obscure reference, even I can't remember it.

 

[fresh_42]

How many must one walk until one can be called a man ( before blowing in the wind) *?

* Obscure reference, even I can't remember it.

Ask the Noble prize committee. I have such a gut feeling they might remember it.

 

[WWGD]

Ask the Noble prize committee. I have such a gut feeling they might remember it.

No-Bell?

 

[Ibix]

I was referencing Adams - when the philosophers hear The Answer after SEVEN AND A HALF MILLION YEARS they have to hurriedly come up with an Ultimate Question whose answer could plausibly be 42. Adams was almost certainly referencing Dylan with that particular choice of question, yes.

 

[fresh_42]

Adams is the funniest way to undermine the philosophy ban.

 

[Ibix]

Adams is the funniest way to undermine the philosophy ban.

You can get pretty far with Pratchett, too.

I remember my Dad reading Small Gods to me and having to take a break to stop laughing and start breathing again after they encounter the Ephebean philosopher Ibid. He's the most cited philosopher ever...

 

[DrGreg]

Ibid. He's the most cited philosopher ever...

Whereas the most cited physicist must be Al.

 

[mfb]

Whereas the most cited physicist must be Al.

Yeah, but how often was he first author?

 

[OCR]

I/eye, I think.

Aye ...

 

[mjc123]

Whereas the most cited physicist must be Al.

When I was little, I really thought there was a prolific author called Anon...

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 207571

Well, you can tell by the way I use hard maths,
I do science, man, got time for graphs.

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

When I was little, I really thought there was a prolific author called Anon...

He was famous for his run-on sentences, which went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.

 

[davenn]

not happy haha

 

[256bits]

What! The Mary Kay Cadillac. Hillarious.

 

[fresh_42]

"What would you do if a bear attacked your wife?"
"Nothing. The bear began with it, should it see how to defend itself."

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

What! The Mary Kay Cadillac. Hillarious.

Good God! Don't ever equate Mary Kay and Hello Kitty!

 

[davenn]

Today's giggle

Sister Mary entered the Monastery of Silence.

The priest said, “Sister, this is a silent monastery.
You are welcome here for as long as you like,
but you may not speak until directed to do so.”
...
Sister Mary lived in the monastery for five years before the priest said
to her, “Sister Mary, you have been here for five years. You may speak
two words.”

Sister Mary said, “Hard bed.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the priest said. “We will get you a better bed.”

After another five years, Sister Mary was summoned by the priest.
“You may speak another two words, Sister Mary.”

“Cold food,” said Sister Mary, and the priest assured her that the
food would be better in the future.

On her fifteenth anniversary at the monastery, the priest again called
Sister Mary into his office. “You may speak two words today.”

“I quit,” said Sister Mary.

“It’s probably best,” said the priest.
“You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

Is any way we can get this thread to a veterinarian. (Bless you, smell checker.)

 

[davenn]

 

[thejosh]

What did the calculator say to the mistyped number
CALC-U-LATER.

 

[thejosh]

If my dad's from Iceland and my mom's from Cuba, does that mean I'm an Ice-Cube?

 

[fresh_42]

Guest in a restaurant: "What's the specialty today?" - "Tongue." - "Oh, no. I won't eat what others had in their mouth! Bring me some eggs."

 

[jedishrfu]

Guest in a restaurant: "What's the specialty today?" - "Tongue." - "Oh, no. I won't eat what others had in their mouth! Bring me some eggs."

Tongue must be quite eggsotic to eat.

 

[mfb]

There is also Kopi Luwak ...