Collection of Lame Jokes

[Drakkith]

Read this: http://www.gizoogle.net/tranzizzle....a.org/wiki/Dusty_plasma&se=Go+Git+Dis+Shiznit

 

[Borek]

Junior is buyin a freshly smoked up TV set fo' his wild lil' flat, n' he ordered it all up in tha web. Our thugged-out ***es was chattin all up in tha time n' he holla'd some shiznit like "the joint has flavas dat was so irritatin mah eyes exploded afta I put tha order". Right back up in yo m****f***** a**. So I busted some lyrics ta his *** "Cizzlel tha order, yo a** won't need TV now".

 

[AlephZero]

There used to be a cleaner version of this called "jive" included in some versions of Unix. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jive_filter

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

South Jersey - Dec 7, 2012. A crowd of angry commuters, frustrated because their train was more than usually late, dragged the clerk from the ticket booth and tied him to the track and left him there to die. The poor man starved to death.

 

[jedishrfu]

Funny but true. A senior citizens home was having trouble keeping all the residents from wandering off. Someone suggested they build a fake bus stop out front. Local residents came initially to wait and home staff told them that it was fake.

The strategy worked whenever a resident was missing they'd look outside and see they were waiting for the bus. A staff member would go out and sit with them for awhile and then invite them back inside. Later when residents became anxious about seeing someone or going home the staff would suggest they take the bus.

Recent NPR story about a home in Germany ( or was it radiolab - I keep forgetting maybe ill just take the bus)

 

[jedishrfu]

Update it was radiolab but where is that darn bus?

http://www.radiolab.org/blogs/radiolab-blog/2010/mar/23/the-bus-stop/

 

[dkotschessaa]

(going around FB, but I like sharing here)

Did you hear that Oxygen and Potassium went on a date?

It went OK.

 

[Isaacsname]

What pickup line did Mr. Potatohead use on the future Ms. Potatohead ?

" Hey baby, what say we go make some fries ? " :!)

 

[Ivan Seeking]

http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/2396/homoslackasserectus.jpg

 

[Ibix]

http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/2396/homoslackasserectus.jpg

I'm not saying they're aliens, but...

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I'm not saying they're aliens, but...

In either case, I think he's about to pee on that car!

 

[jtbell]

I think he's about to pee on that car!

Dogg-y style!

 

[HeLiXe]

(going around FB, but I like sharing here)

Did you hear that Oxygen and Potassium went on a date?

It went OK.

lololz

 

[jtbell]

Did you hear that Oxygen and Potassium went on a date?

It went OK.

Oxygen and Magnesium, on the other hand...

 

[dkotschessaa]

Oxygen and Magnesium, on the other hand...

OMg! I heard about that too!

 

[jtbell]

Yeah, they really set the club on fire!

 

[I like Serena]

lololz

Did you hear that 3 elements went together?
It went lololz.

 

[HeLiXe]

Did you hear that 3 elements went together?
It went lololz.

u got me

 

[Isaacsname]

Read this: http://www.gizoogle.net/tranzizzle....a.org/wiki/Dusty_plasma&se=Go+Git+Dis+Shiznit

Ahhahaha, ...sigh

 

[jtbell]

A local TV station's "mind twister" on their local news program this morning:

Q: Why is it illegal for someone living in South Carolina to be buried in North Carolina?

A: It's illegal to bury a living person in North Carolina.

 

[rhythm42]

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

because they have big fingers.

 

[HeLiXe]

ewwwww

 

[collinsmark]

 

[dkotschessaa]

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt!

 

[aquitaine]

A guy walks into a bar. Ouch.

 

[MPKU]

The bartender says to the neutrino "We don't like your kind around here"

The neutrino doesn't react.

A neutrino walks into a bar.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

 

[HeLiXe]

lololol that was good

 

[drizzle]

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

 

[dkotschessaa]

The following is from the Washington Post Style Invitational contest that asked readers to submit "instructions" for something (anything), but written in the style of a famous person. The winning entry was The Hokey Pokey (as written by William Shakespeare).

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.
-- by "William Shakespeare"