Collection of Lame Jokes

[Keith_McClary]

(Skirting bans on political humor...)

That's from 1998, so it's historical humor.

 

[mfb]

5. A final decided by a weird rule.
6. First time in cricket, a team won a match neither by runs nor wickets, but by a rule.

The final ended in an "oopse". Seriously.

 

[Keith_McClary]

That is one of the jokes that only works when told like that. If you try to include a literal quote (from the wife complaining) it fails because "You don't buy me flowers" and "you don't buy my flowers" are different.

It works in certain dialects.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Welcome to the AA meeting.

Hey, we rechargeables need a little juice sometimes.

 

[DrGreg]

That is one of the jokes that only works when told like that. If you try to include a literal quote (from the wife complaining) it fails because "You don't buy me flowers" and "you don't buy my flowers" are different.

It works in certain dialects.

Yes, when spoken, but not when written down.

 

[Steelwolf]

A man walks into a zoo.
The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.
Its a shitzu!

And at the snack bar they serve Mu-Shu Shitzu...

 

[Klystron]

That's from 1998, so it's historical humor.

Careful, your post may inspire more lame age jokes. To wit:

"I am so old my printer writes in cuneiform."
"Uses only the finest Babylonian mud, from Ur!"

 

[Steelwolf]

Careful, your post may inspire more lame age jokes. To wit:

"I am so old my printer writes in cuneiform."
"Uses only the finest Babylonian mud, from Ur!"

That joke is so old as to be Urbane, our archeologists are so busy uncovering and deciphering the equivalent of Sumerian texting networks, and with the way the Sumerians were about copying records the archaeologists get upset when they come across whole troves that are nothing but Spam!

Have to admit, they did not update near as fast as Microsoft...

 

[fresh_42]

That joke is so old ...

I have read somewhere that the oldest joke they have ever found, indeed in Mesopotamia, was about a fart.

 

[Steelwolf]

Fair ride Rider: "Hey, when does this darned, super-scary ride stop?" Ride Operator "As soon as your date stops screaming so loud, she is drawing people from miles away" Rider: "NOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOooOoooOOOOOOO!

 

[davenn]

The one not spoken of ...

 

[nuuskur]

I am so glad to be one of those people that can easily hear music without jogging.

Is this a schizophrenia joke or am I overthinking?

 

[fresh_42]

Is this a schizophrenia joke or am I overthinking?

You're overthinking it.

 

[WWGD]

My Taiwanese friend has Taipei personality. (Ouch.

 

[fresh_42]

I can do ouch as well:

"Do you speak Mandarin?"
"No, but after some Mai Tais I speak Lime!"

 

[WWGD]

You're overthinking it.

Isn't that a symptom of schizophrenia?

 

[fresh_42]

Isn't that a symptom of schizophrenia?

Depends on whom you ask

 

[256bits]

Can doctors with multiple personality disorder give second opinions?

 

[Ibix]

I asked for a second opinion, and he says "You're ugly too".

 

[BillTre]

 

[Swamp Thing]

I asked for a second opinion, and he says "You're ugly too".

I wish there was a dislike button, because this isn't lame and it doesn't belong here.(Actually, I clicked the Like).

 

[Ibix]

I wish there was a dislike button, because this isn't lame and it doesn't belong here.

It's the way I tell 'em.

 

[Borg]

From Gene Weingarten this weekend.

Into a bar walked a lady named Sondra.
Her face was angelic, her body spelled trouble.

She said to the barkeep, "I'll have an entendre,
.. And, come to think of it, make it a double."

No thinker was he -- he was more of a doer.
So the barkeep just smiled ... and then gave it to her.

 

[Ibix]

Reminded by @fresh_42's Weird News post about police finding a hiding drug suspect because he farted, this Dominic Deegan comic. A little context is needed: the black haired gentleman is a knight, searching for two thieves who he knows are hiding nearby.

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

I don't see what's funny about that last one...

<cynical>

 

[BillTre]

 

[mfb]

A mouth in motion tends to stay in motion unless a saturation force acts on it.