Collection of Lame Jokes

[topsquark]

-Dan

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

Guy drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through his wavy gray hair and scraggly beard. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-65, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to wait for the trooper to catch up.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
Guy paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I was afraid you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper

 

[phinds]

 

[Mayhem]

Why did the mathematician scare his family for Christmas?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DennisN]

Short but sweet :

 

[BillTre]

Crossover event:

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[sbrothy]

View attachment 322389

Pilot must've been stoned. (Sorry).

[EDIT: Dunno what happened to the picture. Couldn't correct it.)

 

[Jonathan Scott]

View attachment 322389

In case anyone else is wondering what happened, this is actually an artwork:

https://www.gallery.ca/magazine/your-collection/jimmie-durham-they-will-be-smashed

 

[fresh_42]

In case anyone else is wondering what happened, this is actually an artwork:

https://www.gallery.ca/magazine/your-collection/jimmie-durham-they-will-be-smashed

Jimmie Durham formerly known as Wile E. Coyote.

 

[dextercioby]

SHE: "So where do you work?"
HE: "I work where other people have fun".
SHE: "Like a DJ?"
HE: "No, I am a gynecologist."

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 322442

Ouch! That took me way too long.

 

[berkeman]

Ouch! That took me way too long.

That's because you went straight to the mathematical definition.

 

[fresh_42]

That's because you went straight to the mathematical definition.

Yes. It was not a language thing. I actually searched for a paradoxon.

 

[berkeman]

I actually searched for a paradoxon.

Here you go

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url...ved=0CA8QjRxqFwoTCJDv2tnSnf0CFQAAAAAdAAAAABAE

 

[Ibix]

What goes "quack, quack" and is logically inconsistent? A pair o' ducks.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[davenn]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[sbrothy]

View attachment 322492

I'm tempted to to ask what is wrong with America but I probably wont like the answer, :P

 

[phinds]

I'm tempted to to ask what is wrong with America but I probably wont like the answer, :P

Oh, do NOT get us started.

 

[fresh_42]

Oh, do NOT get us started.

 

[jack action]

 

[gmax137]

King cake takes a bad acid trip?

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my tattoos.

She just needs a shoulder to crayon.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

interesting anagrams:

DORMITORY: -> DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN: -> BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: -> MOON STARER

THE EYES: -> THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE: -> HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: -> CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION RESULTS: -> LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: -> ALAS! NO MORE Z'S

A DECIMAL POINT: -> I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: -> THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: -> TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW: -> WOMAN HITLER

 

[fresh_42]

"My coffee machine doesn't work!"
"Why did you call 911?"
"Do you even listen to me?"

 

[Borg]

Seems legit to me.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

​

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[nuuskur]

 

[Ibix]

The question is so silly it caused his hairstyle to switch direction between frames!