Collection of Lame Jokes

[BillTre]

View attachment 326896

Oh, The Horror!

 

[fresh_42]

Oh, The Horror!

Yes. And there is still the ethical problem of whether the seeds count as pregnancy!

 

[fresh_42]

Well, I don't know what to say. It's probably best to comment with 'no comment':

 

[mfb]

There's a Gary Larson cartoon about the "First Annual Psychics' Conference", which notes that the event had gone well, marred only by a slight tension in the air from the unforseen faux pas of everyone wearing the same dress.

Found it:



Link in case the embedding doesn't work.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

1. Go to a drive-through.
2. Say: "I'm sorry but I'm blind. Can you read the menu to me?"
3. See how long they will read before realizing you cannot drive if you are blind.

 

[Halc]

See how long they will read before realizing you cannot drive if you are blind.

My boss (from quite a ways back) was legally blind and had a special drivers licence.
None of his cones worked, just the rods, so he could see B&W to the sides but nothing in the middle where it's all cones. He could read the computer screen if he put his face about 10 cm from it and wiggled his eyes, so I bet he'd not be able to read the drive-through menu from the car.

Another talent of his: National champion of bench-rest rifle shooting, the most accurate form of marksmanship. I guess passable eyesight wasn't particularly necessary.

All true.

 

[Grelbr42]

My boss (from quite a ways back) was legally blind and had a special drivers licence.
None of his cones worked, just the rods, so he could see B&W to the sides but nothing in the middle where it's all cones. He could read the computer screen if he put his face about 10 cm from it and wiggled his eyes, so I bet he'd not be able to read the drive-through menu from the car.

I had a philosophy prof like that. He had a custom device for his laptop that let him read the screen. Not without some effort.

He was also able to write on the blackboard, but had to do some interesting things to read his own writing. He even was able to do a passable drawing of certain things to illustrate certain concepts. He drew a passable "duck rabbit" in class one day.

https://www.researchgate.net/figure...rspective-dependent-reversible_fig2_271842692

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DrGreg]

That's missing the 2020 version of someone even fatter lounging (in their nightwear) on a couch pointing a single finger at a tiny smartphone.

 

[topsquark]

That's missing the 2020 version of someone even fatter lounging (in their nightwear) on a couch pointing a single finger at a tiny smartphone.

Hey! I resemble that remark.

-Dan

 

[Mondayman]

Black Velvet is apparently a Canadian whiskey, so I'd lean towards Canada.

Produced in Lethbridge, here in Alberta. It's cheap and awful.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His obnoxious brother, Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt, Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop n’ Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white, Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois, Chica Gogh
His magician uncle, Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin, Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin’s American half brother, Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach, Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle, Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt, Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst, E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking, Wayto Gogh
The little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco, Go Gogh
His Italian uncle, Day Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van, Winnie Bay Gogh

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 327000

Considering the state of humanity, there cannot be enough ethicists.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

I might have posted this one before at some time, but I want to post it again
because I think it's so funny :

 

[BillTre]

 

[DennisN]

(no words needed in this one )

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[hmmm27]

View attachment 327023

My early 60's, apparently.

 

[jack action]

Whatever you do, always give 100%.

Unless you're donating blood.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

 

[fresh_42]