Collection of Lame Jokes

[mjc123]

I subbed in for a Matrix Algebra class. Sent students to the blackboard to find the product of matrices. Told them: " Go forth and multiply".

When God created the animals, He said to them: "Go forth and multiply". But the adders complained: "We can't multiply, we're adders." So God built a table out of logs. He put the adders on the log table, and the adders multiplied.

 

[DrGreg]

✖
Go fourth and multiply.

 

[WWGD]

✖
Go fourth and multiply.

What about the first three ones?

 

[256bits]

70's ??? Heck, I was doing that in the mid 50's, though the screen was a bit smaller.

Did you also act as the antennae compensator.
"Stand right there. No. A little to the left. Perfect picture."

 

[fresh_42]

Did you also act as the antennae compensator.
"Stand right there. No. A little to the left. Perfect picture."

And the mean part of it: don't let go!

 

[256bits]

When God created the animals, He said to them: "Go forth and multiply". But the adders complained: "We can't multiply, we're adders." So God built a table out of logs. He put the adders on the log table, and the adders multiplied.

With exponential growth no doubt as they got better and better as adders.

 

[256bits]

View attachment 364537

He is missing one with a half moon.
That would be the ultimate outdoor.

 

[256bits]

What about the first three ones?

It's in code.
Opposites attract.
I can't say what the opposites are doing in the third panel, but just say it has something to do with the birds and the bees, which leads to,
Multiplication.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Sooty]

Princess Di...
Why did she not marry Chris Rea?
Because if she had, she would have been called 'Di Rea'...

 

[sbrothy]

One for the ages. Clearly photoshopped. Wonder what the original said.

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 364567

One for the ages. Clearly photoshopped. Wonder what the original said.

Google found

but there are dozens of variants with slightly different pictures.

 

[sbrothy]

Haha, yeah true!

Although incidentally, I've heard a rumor that bass players are the person in a band that "scores" the most, statistically speaking. This, of course, has no bearing on anything and is practically a violation of the rules as it's very much hearsay. Just thought it important to get it out there for the parents who hear the first line in your suggestion.

 

[fresh_42]

Haha, yeah true!

Although incidentally, I've heard a rumor that bass players are the person in a band that "scores" the most, statistically speaking. This, of course, has no bearing on anything and is practically a violation of the rules as it's very much hearsay. Just thought it important to get it out there for the parents who hear the first line in your suggestion.

Jokes about musicians build their own category. There are countless. The shortest one is:

Two musicians pass a pub.

 

[sbrothy]

I know this is not supposed to be funny at all, but at my math level it is demoralizing to the point of tragicomedy:

I'm sure it's as short as possible, but it's the most horrendous piece of math I've ever seen:

--- GRAVITY AND THE STANDARD MODEL WITH NEUTRINO MIXING (arXiv)

EDIT: An extremely good question would then the be why I "read" stuff like that, and the sad truth is that I dont' know! Perhaps I need help! With my math!

 

[sbrothy]

After such a serious one how about a "feel-goody":

Om-nom-nom-nom.

 

[WWGD]

Haha, yeah true!

Although incidentally, I've heard a rumor that bass players are the person in a band that "scores" the most, statistically speaking. This, of course, has no bearing on anything and is practically a violation of the rules as it's very much hearsay. Just thought it important to get it out there for the parents who hear the first line in your suggestion.

I'm starting to learn bass today in case I can put together a band.

 

[WWGD]

After such a serious one how about a "feel-goody":

Om-nom-nom-nom.

View attachment 364571

He( Gekko) likely had some insurance on the strawberry.

 

[fresh_42]

I'm starting to learn bass today in case I can put together a band.

 

[jtbell]

Today I learned that in Germany one can be criminally charged for water butt theft. This ‘murrican also learned what a water butt is!

https://www.theguardian.com/society...nd-i-fear-theyre-on-the-right-side-of-history

 

[fresh_42]

Today I learned that in Germany one can be criminally charged for water butt theft. This ‘murrican also learned what a water butt is!

https://www.theguardian.com/society...nd-i-fear-theyre-on-the-right-side-of-history

Swabians are the German counterpart to Scots, mainly because the region was historically poor. That changed, but the attitude of frugality remained the same. Whereas the whole world sings about love, the Swabians sing: "Schaffe, schaffe, Häusle baue, und net nach de Mädle schaue" (Work, work, build a house and don't look after the girls). That says a lot. They are also famous for a rigorous regulation of living together, such as how high a hedge is allowed to be, when and how often the sidewalk must be swept, etc.

A theft is a theft, so the police are mandated to investigate it, e.g., it could be illegal entry onto the property or, in case of recurrence, will be. However, chances are high that there won't be any further legal actions. The responsible public prosecutor may dismiss the case due to its triviality. The police may not make this decision.

 

[davenn]

View attachment 364499

on that theme .......

Ohh no, not again.....

 

[davenn]

Ohh no, not again.....

Actually it was ....

""The Plunge of the Petunias: A Quirk within Quirk Within this cosmic tapestry, a singular scene emerges that crystallizes the novel’s essence. As the starship Heart of Gold makes an erratic jump through space, a pot of unsuspecting petunias and a seemingly ill-fated sperm whale are created out of thin air. Amidst the gravitational freefall toward the planet’s surface, the pot of petunias utters its infamous line, “Oh no, not again.” ""

from
https://accessiblegardens.org/when-petunias-sighed-decoding-the-curious-phrase-oh-no-not-again/

 

[fresh_42]

on that theme .......

Ohh no, not again.....
View attachment 364601

My theory aka comment on FB when I saw it, was: "I bet there is a red sofa in it."

 

[sbrothy]

on that theme .......

Ohh no, not again.....
View attachment 364601

Pretty esoteric one. Although wasn’t it the potted fern thinking that?

Actually it was ....

""The Plunge of the Petunias: A Quirk within Quirk Within this cosmic tapestry, a singular scene emerges that crystallizes the novel’s essence. As the starship Heart of Gold makes an erratic jump through space, a pot of unsuspecting petunias and a seemingly ill-fated sperm whale are created out of thin air. Amidst the gravitational freefall toward the planet’s surface, the pot of petunias utters its infamous line, “Oh no, not again.” ""

from
https://accessiblegardens.org/when-petunias-sighed-decoding-the-curious-phrase-oh-no-not-again/

Was just about to point this out when my phone ran out of power.

EDIT: Oh. It did get posted!
EDIT2: Ah, petunias!

EDIT3: What a geeky joke! We should almost be ashamed of ourselves!

 

[sbrothy]

Stumbled across this one. Zubrin's concept is so farfetched I think it probably belongs in here: