Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[sbrothy]

Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.

OMG. A moderator should almost force you to apologize for that one!

But OK, I'm not a good example.

 

[jack action]

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies, when you cook bacon and bake cookies?

 

[WWGD]

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies, when you cook bacon and bake cookies?

And park in the driveway while driving in the parkway.

 

[jtbell]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

And park in the driveway while driving in the parkway.

Why do "Flammable" and "Inflammable" mean the same thing?

 

[WWGD]

Why do "Flammable" and "Inflammable" mean the same thing?

Regardless or Irregardless of which is the case!

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 365480

There's money to be made of lack of knowledge of basic Arithmetic.

 

[256bits]

Why do "Flammable" and "Inflammable" mean the same thing?

De seat and deceit are different in meaning and spelling.

As in,
Don't cause a ruckus with deceit while flying, as the stewardess may have cause to authorize you to lose de seat. .

 

[WWGD]

The seat and deceit are different in meaning and spelling..

When you walk with low quality shoes, you experience the agony of the feet . When you lose, you experience the agony of defeat.

 

[256bits]

Lancelot: With Excalibur, I will slice this rock into two.
Thor: With my Hammer, I will fracture this rock into two too.
Aphrodite: My new dresses. With my powers of Love, I command you to admire my two tutu too.

 

[WWGD]

Lancelot: With Excalibur, I will slice this rock into two.
Thor: With my Hammer, I will fracture this rock into two too.
Aphrodite: My new dresses. With my powers of Love, I command you to admire my two tutu too.

I changed attire to change a tire.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 365495

Tell him if he drops something, ** I will pick it up **.;

 

[phinds]

In an episode of Family Guy Peter's father-in-law, Carter, complains that he can't turn of Amber (and I guess the entire spectrum of other colors you've got over there by now) Alerts on his phone. I looked the phenomenon up (I mean how many wanted to turn them off, not what they are) and was a little taken aback.

Now I can understand if you, by some error, get some that are relevant to an area 1500km away, but is it really that much trouble to be a little on the look out for some poor missing person, children or otherwise?

I've seen the indifference around me mind (grown people ignoring a crying 8-9 year old girl who's obviously, at a glance, lost, alone and afraid) and I just don't get it! Many of these people must have children themselves! Am I surrounded by psychos or is it just laziness?

In what way does that post belong in the joke thread?

 

[256bits]

Tell him if he drops something, ** I will pick it up **.;

You should be OK. He's not a member of the LGPTQ++.

How to know?
WARNING REDNECK JOKE.
How to know if you might be gay?
You ride around on a bi-cycle.

 

[sbrothy]

In what way does that post belong in the joke thread?

Well, my confusion sprang from a lame joke, but point taken. I can see it is a bit of a downer.

EDIT: I removed it. No reason to bring people down. I see that.
EDIT2: Sheez, and the time is 03:34 here! No wonder I'm getting extra scatterbrained.

 

[256bits]

In what way does that post belong in the joke thread?

You now entering another dimension. Your next stop is step 2 of Lame Jokes?

Step 1: Laugh when it's told.
Step 2: Laugh when it's explained.
Step 3: Laugh when you finally get it.

You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind ... a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination—your next stop, the Twilight Zone.

—Rod Serling, The Twilight Zone, introduction

 

[sbrothy]

You now entering another dimension. Your next stop is step 2 of Lame Jokes?

Step 1: Laugh when it's told.
Step 2: Laugh when it's explained.
Step 3: Laugh when you finally get it.


—Rod Serling, The Twilight Zone, introduction

In this case I actually like Futurama's version better!

EDIT:

Imagine if you will, an announcer you can barely understand, he refers to a (mutters), but you're not quite sure what he said. He seems to be eating something, or perhaps he's a little drunk. It's remotely possible that he just said something about the Scary Door.

---- https://futurama.fandom.com/wiki/The_Scary_Door


EDIT: OMG It's Futurama. OK definitely bedtime now. I had my sleep cycle punched out of sync....

 

[256bits]

Sheez, and the time is 03:34 here!

Is your fridge running?

I had to ask to keep you alert.

 

[sbrothy]

Is your fridge running?

I had to ask to keep you alert.

I suspect you hope I'll go on a polar adventure in there!

 

[256bits]

I suspect you hope I'll go on a polar adventure in there!

My mind wanders sometimes.
I then have to go out looking for it.

 

[sbrothy]

My mind wanders sometimes.
I then have to go out looking for it.

I kinda recognize the problem. Although with my scatterbrain it's a little all over the place, so harder to find. I wouldn't be surprised if some of it really were in the fridge.

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

I didn't realize until I was about to post this, that it's a BOGO, or as we said when I was a kid, a "twofer."

 

[jtbell]

Why do we call a "buy one get one free" offer a BOGO?

Because BOGOF sounds too much like "bug off!"

 

[mjc123]

In the UK we say BOGOF. Never heard the term BOGO.

 

[mjc123]

In the UK we say BOGOF. Never heard the term BOGO.

(Maybe that's related to the way we pronounce Van Gogh?)

 

[WWGD]