Collection of Science Jokes P2

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

 

[Frigus]

Answer of this question is (b) and this question was from India's most standard exam.

 

[mfb]

Was that test in 1997?

Not even the question makes sense. Cancer is not a single disease, it's a large range of diseases. Some are well curable, some are not.

This question can be found in various solution databases, and none of them seem to care that the question and the supposed answer make no sense.

 

[Frigus]

Was that test in 1997?

Yes,this question was from 1997.

This question can be found in various solution databases, and none of them seem to care that the question and the supposed answer make no sense.

That was the first reason for which i
posted the question here.
There are always some questions in this exam which technically don't makes sense but are Just taken from book lines.

 

[mfb]

Yes,this question was from 1997.

That means the two decades are fully in the past now. But cancer is still around.

 

[etotheipi]

 

[mfb]

Let's hope they never meet.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Astrophysicists prove Big Bang was result of gender reveal party gone wrong
STANFORD – The physics world has been turned on its head today by incontrovertible proof that our material universe began when a gender reveal party 15 billion years ago resulted in an explosion so huge it created reality as we know it.

“We’ve been studying the clues left over by the Big Bang for decades, but it wasn’t until one of our physicists lost their own home in a devastating forest fire caused by a recent gender reveal party that they were able to put two and two together,” said Dr. Laura Fredericks, the head of the University of Stanford’s Department of Theoretical Astrophysics.

“What we’d always seen as puzzling and even contradictory aspects of the background radiation from the Big Bang turns out to be the galactic equivalent of coloured glitter pushed out of a cannon at speeds high enough to destroy the dimension it was a part of and birth our own.”

While the Big Bang theory has always been able to account for what happened just after the universe was created, it’s only now that physics has a solid template for explaining what happened before, during what scientists are calling The Blowout.

“Putting together the data we’ve gathered from the makeup of our universe, we can extrapolate that The Blowout was catered primarily with dark matter, that the decorations were composed mostly of dark energy, and that whoever threw it was the biggest moron in the history and prehistory of the cosmos,” Dr. Fredericks said.

Now that the theoretical physics community knows how the Big Bang happened, they are focusing on trying to work out whether the vast amounts of hydrogen it released was supposed to symbolize a boy or girl.

 

[Ibix]

Anybody else having to resist an urge to pop into the Life on Earth -- Which appeared first thread and start a flame war over whether it was the chicken or the egg?

 

[BillTre]

Eggs clearly came before chickens.
Chicken evolved from other egg laying birds.

 

[Ibix]

Eggs clearly came before chickens.
Chicken evolved from other egg laying birds.

...just me, then.

 

[DennisN]

An Edison quote in Chinglish:
https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-s...=600:*&output-format=auto&output-quality=auto

 

[DennisN]

Anybody else having to resist an urge to pop into the Life on Earth -- Which appeared first thread and start a flame war over whether it was the chicken or the egg?

Eggs clearly came before chickens.
Chicken evolved from other egg laying birds.

 

[jack action]

 

[DrClaude]

 

[jack action]

Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts -- for support rather than illumination.

 

[Borg]

Hmm. What are the odds of that?

 

[Baluncore]

Hmm. What are the odds of that?

If you express those odds as an integer ratio, without common factors, then I'll bet one of the integers will be odd.

 

[Tom.G]

Hmm. What are the odds of that?

Expressed as a probability, not discernable from 100%.

 

[LCSphysicist]

Did you already realize how mathematicians are dramatics and are nice actors?
They know a statement is false, they start to try to prove the false, acting like someone who doesn't know what is doing, and in the final they simply yelled like a dramatic theater: BUT THAT IS ABSURD!

 

[davenn]

hahaha totally cracked me up ...

 

[jack action]

 

[DennisN]

 

[Baluncore]

Dijkstra went to work for Burroughs in 1973. Burroughs Large Systems were unusual in that words were tagged, stack based, with the OS programmed in a derivative of ALGOL 60. Dijkstra wrote that statement regarding BASIC while working with Burroughs, in structured ALGOL 60.

How did we define “good programming” back in 1975? If it worked it was good.
BASIC has changed since then. Gone are the line numbers and the GOTO.

I learned BASIC in 1974. We used a room full of IBM ASCII hand punches to over-punch 80 column cards with EBCDIC characters, to run on a Burroughs 6700. Programming was “practically impossible” so I learned to punch the cards in my sleep. I never used BASIC in anger, because I immediately started programming real world hydrology simulations in FORTRAN IV, the roman numerals really date it.

 

[DennisN]

Got this from a friend a while ago, hilarious:

 

[Ibix]

Didn't somebody (Dave Barry?) suggest that SETI should probably first turn its sophisticated search for signs of intelligence on to Congress? Applies to a lot of social media, too.

 

[Borg]

Didn't somebody (Dave Barry?) suggest that SETI should probably first turn its sophisticated search for signs of intelligence on to Congress? Applies to a lot of social media, too.

Wouldn't the Drake Equation for those be too small?

 

[mfb]

The number of intelligent people you might meet on social media can be estimated as
N = P f_intel f_intern f_intri f_interm f_indiv (1-f_indiff) f_init
where
P is the current world population
f_intel is the fraction of intelligent people
f_intern is the fraction of internet users among intelligent people
f_intri is the intricate estimate of the fraction of intelligent internet users using social media
f_intermit is the fraction of time they use social media
f_indiv is the fraction of time you use social media
f_indiff is the probability you don't want to meet a given person
f_init is the probability one of you initiates communication

Homework problem: Prove f_intri < $\epsilon$

 

[jack action]

 

[etotheipi]

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6910781/

 

[mfb]

I know there is a random math paper generator, but I didn't know they have the same for physics.

From largely the same group of authors is this masterpiece. So obviously nonsense that even the predatory journal that originally published it had to retract it.
These people publish quite a lot together. Botulin Toxin Use in Rosacea and Facial Flushing Treatment, Beta Blockers and Melanoma, ...
I can't judge the last two but at least they come without physics woo. Are they equally nonsense? If yes, then these people just write a bunch of nonsense. If not, I wonder what makes them produce these ridiculous papers once in a while.

Would be fun to mail some of the authors notifying them that someone fraudulently included their name on a crank paper and see what comes back.

 

[Tom.G]

mail some of the authors notifying them that someone fraudulently included their name on a crank paper and see what comes back.

You are hereby elected to carry out the proposal!
We expect a full report within 30 days.

 

[DrClaude]

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6910781/

How can there be 13 authors on such a paper? One or two cranks, I get, but this many coming together?

 

[jack action]

OK, this one is the best prank I've seen in a long time:

 

[Keith_McClary]

Rabbits Against Magic by Jonathan Lemon for October 02, 2020
(Can't link image.)

 

[jack action]

When scientists insult each other:

 

[mfb]

Originality is a constant.It disappears whenever you form derivatives.

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[gmax137]

I saw a new one (well, it is new to me):

Remember the seat-belt campaign, "Click it or Ticket?"

for CoVid
"Mask it or Casket"

 

[fresh_42]

I saw a new one (well, it is new to me):

Remember the seat-belt campaign, "Click it or Ticket?"

for CoVid
"Mask it or Casket"

This is actually not true, hence only partially funny. The masks protect others, not oneself. So wearing no mask is like speeding on the highway. People risk other people's lives. Not a new phenomenon.

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[gmax137]

View attachment 270950

We had a choice of channel 4 (NBC), 7 (ABC), or 9 (CBS). Oh, and on UHF26 we could see Julia Child, "the French Chef" but adjusting the round antenna to get the picture meant only static for the sound, and vice versa.

 

[phinds]

I had to move some money from my brokerage account to my bank today and was reminded of the thought I had the first time I had to make such a transfer about 20 years ago (and every time since).

Money COULD be transferred at nearly the speed of light but in the world we live in it's transferred at the speed of bureaucracy.