Collection of Science Jokes P2

[Keith_McClary]

DILBERT Saturday May 23, 2020

 

[WWGD]

Covid19. Just remembering the warnings during that Amazonian trip. Maybe I shouldn't have left that butterfly out...

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DrGreg]

There's a new-fangled way to do this...

 

[Ibix]

Off topic: I've been quite impressed with the "new" ways of doing maths that my son has been taught. They seem like a huge improvement in terms of teaching you how to manipulate numbers, at the cost of being less brutally efficient. Brutal efficiency is what we have computers for...

 

[fresh_42]

Off topic: I've been quite impressed with the "new" ways of doing maths that my son has been taught. They seem like a huge improvement in terms of teaching you how to manipulate numbers, at the cost of being less brutally efficient. Brutal efficiency is what we have computers for...

I'm not sure I like this. The joke above skipped another prejudice of mine.
Once I thought Germany was the most bureaucratic country of all. Then I visited UK, and then the US, and then Russia, ...Since then I know Bones was right:

McCoy: The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe.

Since a couple of minutes ago, I thought we were the only ones who experiment with our school kids and reinvent the wheel every few years ...

 

[Demystifier]

Acceleration is
$$a=\frac{d^2x}{dt^2}=\frac{d^2x}{2t\,dt}\stackrel{t\rightarrow 0}{\longrightarrow}\infty$$
which proves singularity at the Big Bang.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

 

[David Lewis]

Hydrogeology pun:
The dowser found more water than you can shake a stick at.

Entomology pun:
Professor: “Male dung beetles haul 1,100 times their body weight!”
Student: “That’s a load of crap.”

 

[BillTre]

Found this on a
The First Virtual Larval Fish Science Town Hall website:

I like the Pacman.

 

[fresh_42]

I like the Pacman.

I once had the following dialogue:
(Me and a friend at a bar singing along a song which was new in the charts, but a cover of an old song from Linda Ronstadt or so.)
My friend: "We should pay more attention to what we sing along."
Me: "Why?"
Him: "It shows when we originally learned that song!"

I wonder whether kids today still have this pacman association.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DrGreg]

May I have a large container of coffee, cream and sugar?

or

How I want a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy lectures involving quantum mechanics, and if the lectures were boring or tiring, then any odd thinking was on quartic equations again.

Sir James Jeans and S. Bottomley
Weisstein, Eric W. "Pi Wordplay." From MathWorld--A Wolfram Web Resource. https://mathworld.wolfram.com/PiWordplay.html

 

[mfb]

Good that the first zero is so far away (digit 32 behind the dot)!

 

[Keith_McClary]

Free Range by Bill Whitehead for June 07, 2020

 

[jack action]

I got this meme today:

​

Naturally, I have to check if it is real. It is. We are at version 3.0.1. 28 commits. 4 contributors.

But wait! it doesn't end here. The same author created is-even. Here's the code:

'use strict';

var isOdd = require('is-odd');

module.exports = function isEven(i) {
  return !isOdd(i);
};

So people began expanding on that. My favorites are is-is-odd:

'use strict';

const isOdd = require("is-odd");

module.exports = function isIsOdd(func) {
    return func == isOdd;
}

and is-ten-thousand:

'use strict';

const leftPad = require('left-pad');

const rightPad = require('right-pad');

const isOdd = require('is-odd');

const isIsOdd = require('is-is-odd');

const { isNpm, isYarn, isNpmOrYarn } = require('is-npm');

const isArray = require('is-array');

const isNumber = require('is-number');

const isString = require('is-string');

const isNegative = require('is-negative');

const isPositive = require('is-positive');

const isNotNegative = require('is-not-negative');

const isNotPositive = require('is-not-positive');

const isObj = require('is-obj');

const isPlainObj = require('is-plain-obj');

const isObject = require('is-object');

const isPlainObject = require('is-plain-object');

const isNumberLike = require('is-number-like');

const isTen = require('is-ten');

const isThirteen = require('is-thirteen');

const isNotThirteen = require('is-not-thirteen');

const isZero = require('is-zero');

const isMultipleOfThreeAndFive = require('is-multiple-of-three-and-five');

global.jQuery = require('jquery');

require('jquery-basic-arithmetic-plugin');

const two = require('two');

const five = require('five');

const mainFunctionWotDoesFunctionality = function(val) {
  leftPad('required', 10 * 1000);

  rightPad('required', 10 * 1000);

  if (isIsOdd(isOdd)) {
    try {
      return checkIsOdd(val);
    } catch (e) {
      const stringE = e.toString();
      stringE;
      return false;
    }
  }
};

const checkIsOdd = function(val) {
  if (isOdd(val)) {
    return false;
  } else {
    return checkIsNpmOrYarn(val);
  }
};

const checkIsNpmOrYarn = function(val) {
  if ((isNpm || isYarn) && isNpmOrYarn) {
    return checkNumbers(val);
  } else {
    throw new Error("I'm not sure how this happened");
  }
};

const checkNumbers = function(val) {
  if (val === five) {
    return false;
  } else {
    if (val === two) {
      return false;
    } else {
      if (val === five.negative) {
        return false;
      } else {
        if (isTen(val)) {
          return false;
        } else {
          if (isThirteen(val).thirteen()) {
            return false;
          } else {
            if (!isNotThirteen(val)) {
              return false;
            } else {
              if (isZero.isZero(val)) {
                return false;
              } else {
                if (isMultipleOfThreeAndFive(val)) {
                  return false;
                } else {
                  return checkType(val);
                }
              }
            }
          }
        }
      }
    }
  }
};

const checkType = function(val) {
  if (isArray(val)) {
    return false;
  } else {
    if (!isNumber(val)) {
      return false;
    } else {
      if (isString(val)) {
        return false;
      } else {
        if (isObj(val)) {
          return false;
        } else {
          if (isPlainObj(val)) {
            return false;
          } else {
            if (isObject(val)) {
              return false;
            } else {
              if (isPlainObject(val)) {
                return false;
              } else {
                if (!isNumberLike(val)) {
                  return false;
                } else {
                  return checkPolarity(val);
                }
              }
            }
          }
        }
      }
    }
  }
};

const checkPolarity = function(val) {
  if (isNegative(val)) {
    return false;
  } else {
    if (isNotPositive(val)) {
      return false;
    } else {
      if (!isPositive(val)) {
        return false;
      } else {
        if (!isNotNegative(val)) {
          return false;
        } else {
          return _isTenThousand(val);
        }
      }
    }
  }
};

const _isTenThousand = function(val) {
  return (
    !isOdd(val) &&
    val !== five &&
    val !== two &&
    val !== five.negative &&
    !isTen(val) &&
    !isThirteen(val).thirteen() &&
    isNotThirteen(val) &&
    !isZero.isZero(val) &&
    !isMultipleOfThreeAndFive(val) &&
    !isArray(val) &&
    isNumber(val) &&
    !isString(val) &&
    isString(val.toString()) &&
    !isObj(val) &&
    isObj({ val: val }) &&
    !isPlainObj(val) &&
    isPlainObj({ val: val }) &&
    !isObject(val) &&
    isObject({ val: val }) &&
    !isPlainObject(val) &&
    isPlainObject({ val: val }) &&
    isNumberLike(val) &&
    !isNegative(val) &&
    isNotNegative(val) &&
    isPositive(val) &&
    !isNotPositive(val) &&
    jQuery.equals(val, 10000) &&
    val === 10000
  );
};

module.exports = mainFunctionWotDoesFunctionality;

 

[davenn]

They discovered a new type of head lice, but so far nothing can kill it.
It has scientists scratching their heads.

 

[DrClaude]

https://xkcd.com/2317/

 

[Keith_McClary]

I see the "WATER" pin, but where is "SEWER" (for internet connection)?

 

[jbriggs444]

I see the "WATER" pin, but where is "SEWER" (for internet connection)?

No need. Just let the vacuum suck it out.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Keith_McClary]

Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 25, 2020

 

[Tom.G]

UHmm... What?

(from: https://www.physicsforums.com/posts/6359971)

"I tried but nothing has changed. Could it be something else?"

Just remember , sir:
“When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this - you haven't.”

― Thomas Edison

 

[jack action]

I just love the «I'm a mad scientist! Not a mad pseudo-scientist!» line

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Ibix]

I hate negative numbers. I stop at nothing to avoid them.

 

[Ophiolite]

I hate negative numbers. I stop at nothing to avoid them.

I am positive that's the sort of approach you can count on.

 

[256bits]

I hate negative numbers. I stop at nothing to avoid them.

Such stalwart dedication does have some absolute value.

 

[phinds]

I hate negative numbers. I stop at nothing to avoid them.

I am positive that's the sort of approach you can count on.

Such stalwart dedication does have some absolute value.

OK, where the hell is that howling wolf emoticon when we need it ?

 

[Tom.G]

OK, where the hell is that howling wolf emoticon when we need it ?

Consumed for dinner by the Upgrade Gremlins.

 

[phinds]

Consumed for dinner by the Upgrade Gremlins.

Bah humbug

 

[mfb]

OK, where the hell is that howling wolf emoticon when we need it ?

We don't have negative emoticons any more.

 

[Tom.G]

We don't have negative emoticons any more.

Well, that eliminates about 1/3 of human interactions!
(says the cynic lurking over my shoulder )

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

 

[Tom.G]

The end of that conversation... and all future ones!

 

[jack action]

https://www.gocomics.com/saturday-morning-breakfast-cereal/2020/07/09​

 

[DennisN]

Don't try this at home, it may take forever:

To-Do List:

1. Make a to-do list with a copy of this line.