Collection of Science Jokes P2

[jack action]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

What sits on your shoulder and goes "Pieces of nine!"?

A parroty error.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

Did you hear about the Star Wars character who is 3 parts carbon, 1 part phosphorous and 1 part oxygen?

C3PO

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WhatIsGravity]

A mathematician cop pulls over a metaphorically speeding and swerving physicist, but thankfully he let's her go with a warning. Please don't drink and derive.

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

I know this feeling :

 

[jack action]

 

[DrGreg]

I can very, very much identify with this one :

My school career wasn't quite as straightforward as that.

At primary school in the 60s, we did calculations in ft+in, or lb+oz, or £+s+d.

At secondary school in the 70s, we did calculations in m+cm, or kg+g, or £+p. A whole lot easier.

(Of course all the above was with pen and paper only; no such thing as calculators.)

 

[Keith_McClary]

http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/supervillainy
Don't forget the mouseover and the red button.

 

[DennisN]

CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can’t See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

Oh my gosh, these made me laugh so good! I laughed so much my stomach hurt and I got tears in my eyes, I'm not kidding! I knew some of them. I will save these and send them to some of my wacky computer tech friends.

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

Another one on the phone/OS theme:

 

[jack action]

Why do programmers prefer dark mode?

Spoiler: Answer

Because light attracts bugs.

 

[Bandersnatch]

I didn't know where to put this:
Will Any Crap We Put into Graphene Increase Its Electrocatalytic Effect?

We demonstrate in the following text the meaninglessness of the never-ending co-doping of graphene. We decided to follow the hyperbole of ever multiplying dopants; however, instead of using expensive and toxic chemicals such as ammonia, fluorine, chlorine, boranes, etc., we took a page from the pre-Haber–Bosch era and sought natural materials for the fertilization of graphene and used guano as a dopant.

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

That's a versatile acthor.

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 256527

I quit e v e r y single time.

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

for my fellow Monty Python fans ...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[DennisN]

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

To enter you have to pay an annoying convenience fee.

 

[davenn]

whatever works ...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DennisN]

There was a story on the Daily WTF about someone demanding a warranty repair for a computer with shotgun damage.

That story reminded me of the very funny scene in Office Space where three workers take revenge on a difficult printer: link. (note: there is some foul language in the music)

 

[DennisN]

"
An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket.
The frog speaks up again and says, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”
The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.
The frog then cries out, “If you kiss me and turn me back, I’ll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say!”
Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asks, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, I’ll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?”
“Look, I’m an engineer,” the man replies. “I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool!”

Source: http://www.mr-funny.com/funny-jokes...ngineer-comes-across-a-frog-who-wants-a-kiss/

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

ya really have to wonder about some people ... huh !
Another Darwin Award recipient in the making

 

[Keith_McClary]

Not really a joke, though.

 

[davenn]

Not really a joke, though.

maybe not a joke, but it's a pretty regular fact

eg.
just happed to watch "The day after tomorrow" on TV last nite
and the climate scientist, Dennis Quaid, was being ignored by a dumb-assed vice president
till the situation was too late

 

[davenn]

Hold my beer, I got this ...

 

[davenn]

Did you hear about scientist who came up with a belief about thread, yarn, and cords?

It was called string theory.

 

[fresh_42]

Did you hear about scientist who came up with a belief about thread, yarn, and cords?

It was called string theory.

I prefer to associate something else.

 

[Klystron]

I heard that knot theory put a kink in string theory.

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

Oops.
Space debris around Earth. From here.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Oops.

That's from 2005. This goes up to 2019.

 

[DrClaude]

Oops.
Space debris around Earth. From here.

Not to scale!

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 258271

Earth’s newest mini-moon lies at the center of the image—a pin-prick of white light—surrounded by stars.

https://www.popularmechanics.com/space/moon-mars/a31114123/earth-new-moon/

 

[collinsmark]

(Source: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/poets)

 

[zoki85]

View attachment 258273

Oops.
Space debris around Earth. From here.

More sad than funny