Collection of Science Jokes P2

[BillTre]

 

[zoki85]

Q: How did B.Franklin feel after discovering electricity?
A: Shocked!

 

[Klystron]

Q: How did B.Franklin feel after discovering electricity?
A: Shocked!

All keyed up!

Word has it Ms. Franklin found out about Ben's French mistresses.
"Go fly a kite in a thunderstorm!", she screamed.

 

[zoki85]

All keyed up!

Word has it Ms. Franklin found out about Ben's French mistresses.
"Go fly a kite in a thunderstorm!", she screamed.

He was double shocked in that case. Poor man

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[DrGreg]

Sorry to be pedantic, but surely 1 Fig Newton is 102 grams of figs? $\left( \frac{1}{9.8} \textrm{ kg} \right)$

 

[DennisN]

Wuhan Soup Surprise

Ingredients:

• 1 liter water
• 1 bat
• 150 g pangolin meat

Kill the bat and strip the bat wings off it.
Pour the water into a bowl and then put the bat in and wait an hour.
Then slice the pangolin meat and put the slices into the bowl and wait another hour.
This soup is to be served cold.
Do not boil the soup as this tends to diminish the taste and lessen the surprising effect:

The soup may cause worldwide prepping.

 

[davenn]

 

[DennisN]

Why is the Sun and the Earth now more similar than before?

Spoiler

Now both have coronas.

 

[Vanadium 50]

View attachment 258714

"Oh I,
could tell you why
the ocean's near the shore" (Yip Harburg)

 

[jack action]

Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

Does the stack overflow on washing or not washing?

 

[davenn]

A bit of meteorite humour in the current climate of shortages

Recently acquired full roll, 106 grams. It is double ply and lightly quilted with no missing sheets. Will trade for pallasite of equal value. PM if interested.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Zach at SMBC says:"Hey everyone stuck at home - for the duration of Covid Party 2020, I'm making a bunch of ebooks free. Just click the link in the below-comic blog."

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[DennisN]

A bit of meteorite humour in the current climate of shortages

You're on a roll!

 

[Klystron]

Anyone remember swingers and spouse swapping?

I was feeling sorry for those swingers in this period of social distancing; but Hey, Masks!

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

Coronavirus prevention (from this website which collects similar jokes):

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 258714

I admit to having once said more or less exactly that myself. In my defence, I was about 5 years old at the time...

 

[jack action]

Source

 

[Bandersnatch]

View attachment 258996​

Source

Wow, that's such a non-sequitur right there. While the reasoning holds for murder, the bigger the war, the bigger the x, but also the k. So k/x does not tend to 0 as x approaches infinity, unless one shows first that x grows faster than k.
And, even assuming k is constant, as x->∞ the expression approaches 0 but never changes sign, so it only gets less unethical - never ethical.

But then again, that's the kind of topsy-turvy spin one has grown to expect of politicians, so there.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 259023

David Brin observed that lotteries aren't so much a tax on people who are bad at maths. Everyone knows the house always wins. People play because they hope they'll get lucky - so lotteries are a tax on hope.

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 259025

I'm not sure "like" is the correct response to that, but there doesn't seem to be an option for "uncomfortable acceptance that someone may have a point".

 

[BillTre]

I consider it provocative. of thought.

 

[Klystron]

Lotteries provide intangible benefits to the ticket buyer such as a mild fantasy of wealth, the fantasy of perceiving the correct numbers and, for kind players, the collective sharing that 'someone will win'. Not bad entertainment for a dollar.

My younger sister, a mathematician and accountant who recognizes the odds, likes to purchase one lottery ticket when we go for walks. We discuss how we will divide the jackpot and feel closer for an hour or so. Not sure she even bothers to check the results but has a little stack of date stamped memories of our walks.

 

[mfb]

I consider it provocative. of thought.

"Asking for things basically every other developed country has" (stronger actions against global warming as exception) shouldn't be very provocative.

 

[BillTre]

"Asking for things basically every other developed country has" (stronger actions against global warming as exception) shouldn't be very provocative.

However, I live in the US.

 

[Marc Rindermann]

The shortest math joke: Be $ε < 0$.

I've come here to post this one, even though I thought it might have already been posted

 

[Borg]

 

[WWGD]

I am at the Chemistry department to ask a question but all the students Argon.

 

[Vanadium 50]

I am at the Chemistry department to ask a question but all the students Argon.

Are you sure? When I look for students I Xenon.

 

[Klystron]

I am at the Chemistry department to ask a question but all the students Argon.

Are you sure? When I look for students I Xenon.

Yes, we're worried. The lab assistant hasn't benzene, ether.

 

[jbriggs444]

ether

Mis-spelled ether there Did I say something? Perhaps not.

 

[Klystron]

Mis-spelled ether there.

Darn, you quick-witted japesters! I was mentally riffling through terms for 'worried or concerned' trying to find a chem joke. Not as easy as alliteration .

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Arthur C. Clark, 1973

 

[Keith_McClary]

"Blessings upon every tweeter who contributed to this solution. I decided not to include cladding because cladding is for losers."

SMBC

 

[davenn]

Nooooooooooooo they can't do this to me ...

 

[BillTre]

The Google way of knowing:

 

[Bystander]

Nooooooooooooo they can't do this to me ...

Are you certain that "they" isn't your wife?

 

[Ibix]

Anyone noticed that the Sun's been looking a bit ill recently? Scientists suspect it has corona virus.

 

[fresh_42]

How do mathematicians call a pole dance?

Spoiler

Residue Theorem.

 

[collinsmark]

How do mathematicians call a pole dance?

Spoiler

Residue Theorem.

That's a pretty Cauchy phrase.

 

[phinds]

Illustration of why questions need to be well formulated:

Couple was traveling through Florida and stopped in the town of Kissimmee for lunch. They were lightly arguing about how to pronounce the name of the town (KISS a me / ka SEEM ee) as they finished up lunch so the man asked the cashier, "Young man, how do you pronounce the name of this place?" Cashier gives the guy SUCH a look and very slowly and carefully enunciates "BUR GER KING"