Communication between men and woman

[Sourire]

Okay first off I am not even sure if I am in the right spot to post this ...If I am not Kerri could you please move it to the right spot??


I am learning something very valuable and I need some help! I am learning that communication between men and women are VERY different! The question is ... how do you speak guy speak? I am having such a difficult time learning how to communicate even the simplist of things...

How come it is so difficult?


HELP!

 

[Mentat]

"How do you speak guy speak?"

I would love to help you, but I'm still trying to learn how to speak human speak .

I guess you'd have to give me an instance, wherein you found yourself unable to relate your ideas to a guy; then I could try to help you.

 

[RuroumiKenshin]

I know what she means, Mentat. She wants to try and understand guys. Sourire, do elaborate, as what you've said is a vague. I don't know where to start.

 

[wuliheron]

There are a number of good books out there on the subject, just do a search of amazon.com.

Essentially women tend to focus on fairness issues while men tend to focus on practicalities. Often because of this they will talk at cross purposes without understanding why it is so difficult for the other to understand what is important.

 

[Les Sleeth]

Originally posted by Sourire
I am learning that communication between men and women are VERY different! The question is ... how do you speak guy speak? I am having such a difficult time learning how to communicate even the simplist of things...

How come it is so difficult?


HELP!

I will take a shot at this complicated subject.

After more than .5 century of being a man, and loving women, I have developed a few opinions. If you will allow me to speak without too much logical justification (or humility), I can best spew out what I have come to believe.

I will start at the bottom with biology (though many here would say it's the top). Hormones in youth nearly 100% determine behavior. These organic drugs are so strong it can be hard to recognize the human being that is still there behind their effects. It isn't just the drive to have sex, there is also the urge to dominate. Those two survival instincts can be difficult for a young, inexperience male to see beyond.

You might wish to do something perfectly correct, such as having an opinion; but if the hormone-infused male takes it as a threat to his virility or dominance, then you will find yourself in a fight that does not make sense to you.

I met my wife when I was still under such influences, and I have to say she handled me brilliantly. Have you ever heard about how the Russians fought the battle of St. Petersburg? The German strategy of overwhelming force (the blitzkrieg) in WW II was countered by the Russians who fought while retreating. Where others had tried to meet German force headon, and were crushed, the Russians wore the Germans out. So smart!

Similarly, my wife never tried to match my intensity, but out-patienced me by holding to what she knew was right while assuming the posture of subordination. I constantly burned myself out trying to change her or win, until I learned to respect her when she didn't agree with me.

I don't know if you have the temperment for such a strategy, so I can't say my suggestion is right for you. But young men are made very intense by stuff beyond their control, so if you can learn evaluate someone's goodness (or not) in spite of their hormonal insanity, you might learn how to handle them.

 

[Sourire]

I have been testing this out and I am getting the same results every time...

You ask a guy how his day was and he says ...fine...okay...or no answer at all

You ask a woman how her day was and you better be ready for a 20 minute conversation.

I am trying really hard not single one sex out but I am finding the results speak for themselves. Some say that it is just a human thing but I don't really buy that.

So how do you get men to open up and speak about things?

How do you get to know them if they don't open up and talk about things.

 

[Mentat]

Originally posted by Sourire
I have been testing this out and I am getting the same results every time...

You ask a guy how his day was and he says ...fine...okay...or no answer at all

You ask a woman how her day was and you better be ready for a 20 minute conversation.

I am trying really hard not single one sex out but I am finding the results speak for themselves. Some say that it is just a human thing but I don't really buy that.

So how do you get men to open up and speak about things?

How do you get to know them if they don't open up and talk about things.

Have you tried finding out what he's interested in talking about? Every human is different, but how a person feels is not often what a male human is interested in talking about (even if the person is himself); that's more of a female area, and that's why you'll get them to open up so easily by asking them that.

 

[Sourire]

I think that is true but what if you want to get to know more about the persons past? I understand that you need to find things that they like and talk about those but what if you want to get to know the person?

Like how they are and how they think and what drives them to do what they do?

 

[Mentat]

Originally posted by Sourire
I think that is true but what if you want to get to know more about the persons past? I understand that you need to find things that they like and talk about those but what if you want to get to know the person?

Like how they are and how they think and what drives them to do what they do?

Sourire, I like to write fiction in my spare time. In writing, you have to invent a person's character, and thus you know everything there is to know about that person. However, the reader does not. It is the writer's job to expose the character's personality, without being obvious, and without detracting from the story's plot. To do this, I let the character talk about whatever the character wants to talk about, and in doing so, reveal his/her interests (obviously), but I also reveal what the character does not want to talk about or do (and this reveals as much - if not more - about the person).

I think the same principle should work in trying to comprehend actual human beings. Start talking about what they are interested in, which will allow them to open up to you; and then find out (even if through trial-and-error) what they don't like to talk about.

If what they are interested in is entirely separate from what you are interested in, you are probably not very compatible people.

 

[Mentat]

One more point you should also realize, is that it takes time to get to know people. Don't expect that someone will open up to you immediately (especially not men), and don't expect to become everyone's best friend right away (which is a mistake that a lot of kind-hearted people make).