I suspect the relevant distinction is between intrinsic and extrinsic curvature.
At a guess, the picture you have,
@bcl, is that something is "curved" if you can put it up against something straight and see that it does not line up. That is an example of extrinsic curvature. When we say that space-time is curved, we are talking about intrinsic curvature.
It is difficult to visualize four dimensional geometry. So we are pretty much forced to train our intuitions based on analogies with one, two or three dimensions.
Extrinsic curvature involves one space that is "embedded" in a higher dimensional space. The simplest example would be a circle (a one-dimensional space) drawn on a piece of paper (a two-dimensional space). We say that the circle is curved because we can put it next to a straight line and see that the two diverge. The circle has extrinsic curvature.
Intrinsic curvature is different from that. Unfortunately, one needs at least a two dimensional space to encounter intrinsic curvature. So let us consider a piece of paper (a two-dimensional space) that is rolled up into a tube within our ordinary three-dimensional space. We put a flat sheet of paper up next to the rolled up piece. The two diverge. Again, that is extrinsic curvature.
Suppose that we had drawn a triangle on the flat piece of paper before rolling it up. The angles on the three corners of that triangle added up to 180 degrees before it was rolled up. They still add up to 180 degrees after it has been rolled up into a tube. A hypothetical ant could walk all over the surface of that paper and (assuming it did not walk off one edge and back onto the other) never realize that the paper was anything but flat. Similarly, the ant could measure the radius, circumference and area of a circle and get r, ##\pi r## and ##\pi r^2##.
By contrast, consider the surface of a globe. You can draw a triangle on the surface of a globe (using great circle arcs for the edges since those are the closest things to straight lines on the surface) and find that the angles at the corners of a triangle add up to more than 180 degrees. That is intrinsic curvature. You can measure intrinsic curvature without ever having anything flat to compare against. All you have to do is carry a protractor to the three corners of a triangle and add up the readings. Or you could draw some circles and notice that the circumference and area are no longer ##\pi r## and ##\pi r^2##
Intrinsic curvature is the sort of curvature that can be measured from within a space. It does not require a comparison against some external standard of flatness. An ant or a careful surveyor walking on the surface of a globe can measure the curvature of the globe without having to walk all the way around.
In three and four dimensions, curvature gets rather trickier than in just two dimensions, but the same general principles apply. Intrinsic curvature can still be measured from within the curved space.