ecoo said:
But is there any way to find out what the sequence of events "really was". It seems to me that there can be different interpretations on the order of events, but I there must be an order of events that really happened (if I'm wrong then wouldn't this imply that 2 different order of events occurred AT THE SAME TIME, which I can't wrap my head around?).
That phrase "At the same time" gets right to the heart of the problem. Something happens ten light-seconds to your left, something else happens ten light-seconds to your right. You know that the light from both events took ten seconds to get to to your eyes, so if the light from both reaches your eyes at the same time you know that both events happened at the same time, ten seconds ago. But - and this is what the train thought experiment is all about! - someone moving at a different speed than you will come to a different conclusion that's just as correct. Therefore, the term "at the same time" is inherently observer dependent. Saying that two things happened "at the same time" without specifying an observer is like saying that something is "bigger" without saying what it's bigger than - it's an incomplete statement, not a universal truth.
However, you need not despair about the relative order of events - effects will never happen before causes for any observer, and there will never be any disagreement about the order of two events that happen at the same place. And if you think about it, that's all that we should expect.
Mathematically:
Say you're somewhere along the tracks. You may or may not be moving relative to the tracks, that doesn't matter. If any event happens anywhere on the tracks you can assign it a position (the distance from you, negative if it's behind you and positive if it's in front of you) and a time (negative if it happened before noon according to your wristwatch, positive if it happened after that noon according to your wristwatch). We'll call these numbers the ##x## and ##t## coordinates of the event, and we don't care that observers moving at different speeds than us, or starting at different locations on the track, or using different clocks will use different values - their numbers are their problem.
Say we have two events named "one" and "two", with coordinates ##(x_1, t_1)## and ##(x_2, t_2)##, and ##t_2\gt{t_1}## (which is to say that for us event one happened before event two). We can calculate the quantity $$S=(x_2-x_1)^2-(t_2-t_1)^2$$
This quantity ##S## has several remarkable properties.
1) It is the same for all observers, even though they have very different notions of what ##x## and ##t## are. (you'll have to google for the "Lorentz transforms" to verify this). This is essential for avoiding paradoxes, because...
2) If ##S## is negative then all observers, regardless of their speed, will agree that event one happened before event two. They may have very different values for ##t_1## and ##t_2##, but they will all agree that their ##t_2## value is greater than their ##t_1## value. An observer who happens to be moving at speed ##(x_2-x_1)/(t_2-t_1)## relative to us (this speed will always be less than the speed of light) will report that the two events happened at the same place.
3) If ##S## is positive then some observers, depending on their speed, will report that event one happened before event two, others will report that they happened at the same time, and yet others will report that two happened before one. This is the case for the two lightning flashes in the thought experiment. No observer will report that the two events happened at the same ##x## position, and all observers will agree that a light signal from one event could not reach the other.