I think I'm starting to understand this better. One thing that was misleading me was that in my field of nuclear physics, we deal with electromagnetic transitions that have lots of different multipolarities, whereas in atomic physics it's pretty much always assumed that everything is an E1.
The classic real-world example seems to be the 2s->1s transition in hydrogen, which is forbidden for an E1 transition due to parity. There are at least three ways for the 2s state to lose its immortality: (1) the atom collides with something, (2) it emits an M1 transition, and (3) it decays by the emission of two photons. Two-photon emission has a partial half-life of 1/7 s, and is observed in planetary nebulae:
http://articles.adsabs.harvard.edu/full/1951ApJ...114..407S . M1 emission has a partial half-life of 2 days:
http://www.physics.umd.edu/news/News_Releases/sucher.pdf (Sucher, Rep. Prog. Physics 41 (1978) 1781).
For emission of multiple gammas, there are some nice lecture notes here
http://www.tapir.caltech.edu/~chirata/ay102/ by C. Hirata ("Notes on Atomic Structure"). Paraphrasing his treatment, I get something like this. Classically, an oscillating electric dipole
d radiates at a rate given by ##P\sim f^4d^2c^{-3}##. If you divide by ##E=hf##, you get an emission rate ##R\sim P/E##, which for atoms is about 10^9 per second. You can think of 2-photon decay as an energy-nonconserving jump to some intermediate state (one that actually exists), followed by a second jump to the final state. The first jump can happen because of the energy-time form of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, which allows you to stay in the intermediate state for a time ##t\sim h/E##, which is on the order of 10^-16 s. The probability for the second photon to be emitted within this time is ##Rt##. The rate of two-photon emission is ##R^2t##, which comes out to be on the order of 10^2 per second. (Hirata has 10^-2 per second, which seems to be an arithmetic mistake, or else I'm having a brain fade.) Applying this to the hydrogen 2s->1s transition, the intermediate state is a 2p [*plus others, see fzero's #7*], and the result is not ridiculously bad compared to experiment, given the extremely rough nature of the estimate.
The probability of emitting n photons would be something like ##R(Rt)^{n-1}##, which falls off very quickly with n.