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Emotional fortitude - I think that's what I'm looking for.

  1. Jan 23, 2009 #1
    Or maybe it's something else. I'm sure everyone goes through this, but I just realized that I have no tools for handling these emotions. Tell me if this sounds familiar to you and what you think is needed to deal with it:

    At work or school, you have an idea that clearly improves production or explains a complicated topic. You suggest it in private or openly among others and someone speaks out, "I don't think that's a good idea..." followed by their take. It happens with some frequency, and you notice it in particular with one or a few specific individuals. Over time, it grinds against you and creates resentment or other emotions. You might even get into arguments, sometimes heated.

    Or a relative makes comments throughout your life that to others seem simple enough, but actually have underlying content critical of you.

    Of course, there are better ways that people could express disagreements. But since many, many people aren't schooled so well in communication, we have to put up with it in any case.

    What do I need?
  2. jcsd
  3. Jan 23, 2009 #2
    Everytime you come up with a new way of doing something you are going to get people who disagree. Be glad they are taking you seriously enough to consider your ideas and tell you what they think is wrong with them. You are just a baby and a know it all if you get upset about it.
  4. Jan 23, 2009 #3


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    It is common for someone who wants to be critical to assume some sort of superiority over you. They may assert some sort of authority "derived" from familial structure, or perhaps some hierarchy at work or school. Conflicts arising from such fallacious arguments can be messy and can derail your satisfaction or your own life - personal or professional. Don't let others do this to you, and don't use this technique on others. Break down any such conflicts calmly and work through them if possible.

    I once worked for a boss that not only asked for ideas to improve production/efficiency (in a pulp mill a percent or two in either regard can make the manager a hero), but he gave me credit for those ideas when presenting them to upper management. I had never before been treated so well by a supervisor. We had a win-win relationship going on. Not only did he benefit from the top brass' recognition that he had assembled a good team - he also benefited from their perception that our department was nimble, efficient, and very open. I realize that this might seem a bit off-track to you, but think: can you present an idea at work or school in such a way as to make it a win-win between you and your superiors? If not, why not?
  5. Jan 23, 2009 #4


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    People who can work with an issue, itself, without getting personal or tossing out some passive-aggressive comment, are pretty rare. You meet someone like that at work, school, or even just in your family, hang on to them as friends. They're the ones you're going to accomplish the most meaningful things with.

    In other words, it isn't emotional fortitude that you really need. Just don't fall into the same game and keep your eyes open. You'll meet a few people in life just a notch above the rest.
  6. Jan 23, 2009 #5
    That looks like a problem. I guess you are approaching it with a personal bias.
  7. Jan 23, 2009 #6


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    Gearbox failures by me and myself, the majority view by their occam's razor, the gearboxes
    are cheap and nasty but we can not redesign for an alternative.
    Mine, the gearbox's are being subject to intermittent shock loads way above there design limits, take away the cause.
    In this case bend a little bit of metal so the product does not foul up, one tends to not even
    discuss these matters any more, just do it.
  8. Jan 23, 2009 #7
    Of course. I can only be objective to a point. So I rely on feedback. Only after feedback from my supervisor that supported my idea does it become clearly an improvement. And that's what happened in the example that immediately came to mind in my post. I had hoped that the Sup would've stepped in and supported me, but she declined.

    I have a remarkable record at my workplace. Since I started there and had my ideas taken up by the staff, they moved up from a stagnant position for years to the head of the class. They've been breaking production records. And I've been thanked and more by the staff. So when I occasionally get cut down by coworkers, it doesn't mean much in the long run. I interpret their behavior as a way of elevating themselves the only way they know how. And that's fine, but it's often at my expense.

    I'm just trying to handle the emotions. For now, I simply work around this issue and do what I can to demonstrate the success of my ideas so they can speak for themselves. Then I point out the good, positive things I can find in my coworkers. But I still have the emotional upset because it goes on and on, especially with my family. With them, I can say the kindest things for the rest of my life and it won't matter.

    I am very sensitive. What I need to know is how to change that for the better so I won't be bothered by the things that don't really matter.
  9. Jan 23, 2009 #8
    I am always right so any criticism is clearly flawed.
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