shoehorh said:
The facts of the matter seems to be that you completely lack any focus
I can also provide FACTS when I don't lack focus:
1) I never lack focus when it comes to courses. Thats why I said that my earliest mistake was that I thought it was about courses not research.
2) Back in high school when I did my independent studies of math and physics ahead of time, I didn't lack focus either. The reason I have to go back to high school to look for that example is that ever since college I was taking as many courses as I possibly could so I didn't have time to study anything independently.
3) Ever since I started working on causal sets (starting from Fall 2006 all the way till now) I didn't lack focus either
So, because of these, I believe it is the axioms that made me lack focus.
To convince you, let's forget about causal sets, string theory, or supersymmetry, and talk about NEUTRAL TERITORY topics, i.e. topics I NEVER had to do research on. One such topic is an area of mathematics known as "category theory". I know that *IF* I were working in math department and chose that specific area of math as my thesis topic, I would be staring at the same page for months and months, and give an impression I completely lack focus. At the same time, I also know that if I do anything else in math, I will be super fast and impress everyone on how smart I am.
Now, you don't have to worry about me when it comes to category theory because I know to avoid it like a plague. But I couldn't perswade myself to similarly avoid string theory because it is "theory of everything" and it is so promissing and blah blah blah. So THAT was my mistake, that I INSISTED on doing it despite KNOWING I won't do it well.
shoehorn said:
you've enormously overestimated your own abilities
But you see, my MOTIVATION for overestimating my abilities was a good one: I thought I was being a GOOD student for doing it. Now, I know it shows a bad JUDGEMENT, but that has nothing to do with not taking school seriuosly. If I don't like a subject and don't want to do it (such as some of the breadth requirenment humanity courses I had in college) I would under-estimate my abilities and take upon as easy task as I possibly can. On the other hand, if I really take seriously a given subject (such as physics -- I wanted to be a physicist since I was 9 year old) THEN I will over-estimate my abilities.
Now here is an especially interesting question. Suppose topic X is easy, and topic Y is hard. Suppose we have two students, A and B, and they have identical skills: both can do X, and both can NOT do Y. Now, while these students have IDENTICAL skills, they have different JUDGEMENTS: student A took upon himself task X, while student B took upon himself task Y. Now, based on the identical skills the two students have as well as difficulties of the tasks as described, you can predict that student A succeeds and student B fails.
So, because student B failed, he is being told that "he has no future in theoretical physics". But that is wrong: student B can do the task X just as well as student A does. Then student B says "I made a mistake that I took upon myself task Y; here, I changed my mind, give me task X and I will do it just fine". In response, he is being told "It is my judgement that you don't have skills to do physics, whether it be task X or task Y". Now, that statement is wrong, since he had just as much skills to do task X as student A had. Yet, even though we know it is wrong, we can predict that that is EXACTLY what student B will be told!
shoehorn said:
simple instructions given to you by the people upon whose good will you depend
Are you referring to simple instructions to do research problem, or simple instructions regarding university policy. I would be very surprised if you mean the former; I mean it is not high school so why WOULD they give me simple instructions to solve a problem?
cristo said:
I read your convoluted story. The thing that stuck out for me was your lack of dedication to your degree shown by the fact that you essentially took a summer off by moving half way across the country. You can't do that an expect to succeed in graduate school!
First of all I must mention that it took a lot of fight with my mom to be able to go to Michigan for PART of the summer, which I did. THe reason is that my mom thinks of me as a little kid, so she believes that when I am in California I magically do better, and when I am away from her I magically do worse. SHE IS WRONG. So that is another example of people mis-evaluating me.
Now, back to what you were talking about, I was working just as much as I do when I was in Michigan; the problem was NOT that I took time off but that I worked on a wrong thing. So if I am supposed to run North and instead I run West, I will never win a race, no matter how fast I run.
Now, regarding the business with callihg my advisor. The reason I didn't call is that I THOUGHT I understood an assignment, and I THOUGHT the assignment simply happened to be difficult. If such is the case I shoudln't be calling him, after all the whole point is to see if I can do it myself.
*BUT* later it turned out that assignemtn wasn't THAT difficult; I simply misunderstood what it was. BUt I didn't know I misunderstood it until after I came back. Now, if I were in Michigan I would have had regular schedule of seeing him. So, regardless of whether I had anything to ask or not, I would have simply shown up in his office because it is Monday 10 AM, and then as conversation goes he would have seen I misunderstood an assignemnt and would have corrected me.
But when I was in California we didn't set up phone call schedule, and that is why I felt too awkward to call him to ask for help, since I THOUGHT I needed help. If I knew I misunderstood assignment I would have definitely called.
Vandalium 50 said:
One other comment, that extends to the OP's assessment of his own abilities. Getting a PhD does not mean one is a successful researcher. Many, many PhD's are ultimately unsuccessful at it. A check on the arXiv shows his thesis, one set of conference proceedings, 7 papers sent only to the arXiv, not published in a journal, and 1 paper published with your advisor as co-author. Of them, the only citations are for that paper. The 7 preprints only cite each other. This is hardly indicative of a successful career.
1) THe reason other publications are not in a journal is simply that I never bothered submitting them. That is for two reasons:
a) I don't know the procedures of submitting things to journals. The one that was submitted was submitted by Bombelli, NOT me (even though the work is mine had he was mostly doing editting). That has nothing to do with physics; it is my attitude in general that if I never done something I don't do it. For example, I never learned how to use FAX, or scanner, or a number of other things. It took A LOT of pressure from my girlfriend to make me put video cam on computer so I can chat with her. If she didn't push me for TWO MONTHS to do it, I wuold have never done it because it seems "impossible". Same goes for publications: I never physically submitted anything to journal so it seems "impossible" to do it.
b) I am originally from Russia (I came to USA when I was 14) so English is my second language. Besides, even if I did have good English, the professional writing style is not the same as ordinary writing style. So I am mostly worried that my style doesn't sound professional which is why I wouldn't WANT to submit it to journal even if I could, unless someoen else does severe editting. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH PHYSICS. As far as the mutual publication with Bombelli, all the calculations and physics content is MINE. But once Bombelli worked on it, MAGICALLY style became much more professional. I don't have anythign specific to point to (if I did, I would be able to do it myself) but I can just tell that. So I was pushing him for a long time to do similar editting work on the other papers, but he procrastinated. THe reason he procrastinated is probably because we agreed that he edits ALL of them in exchange of my letting him put his name on ONE of them. So since he already p8ublished the one on which we agreed he will put his name, he is far less motivated to do the rest.
2) As far as lack of citations go, I suspect it has to do with my style (see 1b). I mean, think about it: our mutual publication involves scalar field and gravity. My own publicvations involve gauge and fermionic fields. So the topics are similar: introducing the fields and Lagrangians onto causal sets. So if topics are similar, how come one has citations and the others don't? Probably because of style. And that is not surprising since Bombelli put A LOT of work on editting the mutual paper we have but not the rest.
Anyway, you don't have to trust me. I presume you know physics, so how about you just read all of my papers and tell me what you think on them?
Personally I feel they HAVE to be important for causal sets since no one before me (with exception of Johnston who did hte propagators -- NOT Lagrangian -- of spin 0 field on causal set) introduced matter into causal sets, so this is a step forward. Bombelli agrees with me on this one -- after my defense Dolgochev told me that I "moved an area of physics forward". Now, Dolgochev is a guy who openly tells me he is not in the field and doesn't have an opinion. So he must have heard it from Bombelli when they were discussing me.
But again, how about you simply read these papers and tell me what you think.
3) As far as your observation that the one paper that made it in journal had my advisor name, like I said I was the one who did all the content; Bombelli simply editted English for me, and he wanted me to put his name there as a condition for him doing the editting since editting took a lot of time off of his own work.
Tobias Funke said:
It seems like you just don't like physics. I started with this but I fundamentally disagree...then I went to this and didn't agree with such and such...and then this but I didn't like this axiom, etc.
As I said, I can go to neutral territory, which is math, and PREDICT I won't do well in category theory because "I don't like its axioms" and I WILL do well in everything else. THe mistake that I made is that I didn't treat string theory the way I would of treated category theory (which would be avoiding it entirely), because string theory is advertized too well so I felt compelled to do it.
Tobias Funke said:
Also, were you physically holding your advisor in his office?
NO! I neither physically touched him, nor did I insult him either. I simply kept going on and on how he should give me another chance. He was simply scared that when he kept telling me he didn't have time to talk any more I kept talking. Also, my voice is normally loud (which is NOT on purpose -- I am used to hearing myself speak loud so I don't even notice it) and it naturally gets louder when I try to perswade someone of something (even if I talk about physics problem it will likewise be loud) so that is probably what scard him.
Tobias Funke said:
After spitting on the floor, threatening Chinese and black students and blaming it on Aspergers
The spitting on the floor + Chineeze + black students incident happened on Dec 16; keeping Wells in the office happened on Jan 23. The reason the two were talked about simultaneously si that I had to come on Jan 26 to talk about Dec 16, and by that time they ALREADY HEARD about Jan 23 as well.