Favor Request: Proofread an essay for me?

[finebykris]

Agreed, this is a very important aspect in my opinion on writing essays.
Agree with this too.

Agree with this too! (Georgina on a roll). Every paper I wrote semi-colons were only to be used in a 'must use' situation. Reason being is that they are most of the time unnecessary and they are hard to know for sure you've used correctly. They must have two independant clauses on either side or be used as a 'super-comma' in a list. Sometimes you've used it correctly but other times the clauses weren't independent so the semi-colon is wrong to use.




Second that.

I'm not trying to be harsh on your writing syle it's just that all the things that Georgina had pointed out I had noticed while reading too. I just figured that if I told you about it that you would just dismiss it mostly because 'your prof. doesn't mind.' In my opinion these exercises should be about making you a better writer for the future and not to get you a passing grade.
I would have gone through the essay last night making detailed edits but again, as Georgina pointed out the essay was posted in .pdf format which I can not edit.

About the contractions... I'm not taking it lightly. Thanks to your recommendation, in the future, I will try to avoid them entirely, however, I believe that it's not worth the trouble of fixing on this paper.

Thanks for the criticism, both of you. I really didn't noticed that I overused semicolons... If anthing I would think that I overused colons leading into quotations.

Quick question, if a colon precedes a quotation, does the quotation need to be an independent clause?

Also, thanks for catching the pronoun miss usage, for some reason it made sense at the time, hopefully I would have caught it in my own proof of the paper (which I hate yet to do, but I have a hard copy and a red pen to make it easier to find errors... there's something about the printed form that helps me see my mistakes.)

EDIT: Turned it in earlier today, Thanks for the help!

 

[Sorry!]

I might not have time to completely read it over and you need it for tomorrow... I don't know if that's tomorrow (today-the 15th) or tomorrow (tomorrow- the 16th) sometimes people say 'tomorrow' just because it's dark outside when they really mean later today :tongue:

First thing is what writing conventions is it supposed to use... i.e. for citations is it formal/informal... etc.

 

[finebykris]

I might not have time to completely read it over and you need it for tomorrow... I don't know if that's tomorrow (today-the 15th) or tomorrow (tomorrow- the 16th) sometimes people say 'tomorrow' just because it's dark outside when they really mean later today :tongue:

First thing is what writing conventions is it supposed to use... i.e. for citations is it formal/informal... etc.

That would be due 4pm TODAY.

Thanks for the interest. And it is MLA... I am getting my up to snuff and I will update the PDF in a few minutes.

 

[Sorry!]

That would be due 4pm TODAY.

Thanks for the interest. And it is MLA... I am getting my up to snuff and I will update the PDF in a few minutes.

Well, firstly always use no contractions. So that's = that is.

 

[finebykris]

Well, firstly always use no contractions. So that's = that is.

Ive updated the PDF.

Luckily my teacher does not have an issue with contractions. My essay is filled with them.

Like i said, my most common mistake is using the wrong word (minor dyslexia maybe?). Also, sentences arent always complete. I also tend to forget apostrophes on my contractions.

 

[GeorginaS]

Well, finebykris, if you would have posted this last night or a couple of days ago, and not in a pdf format (I can't edit that for you) I could have helped. As it is, it's 7:30 a.m. and your paper is 8 pages long and you want it done by 4. That's not reasonable. I hesitate to even offer ideas because Sorry! offered one that's an absolute *must* for college/university writing and you blew it off. For what it's worth, DO NOT use contractions in formal/school writing. I don't care if this particular prof doesn't care, don't do it.

Quick glance. You need to get pronouns right. When you refer to a person, do not use "that". As in: he was a writer that blah blah blah. It is "he was a writer WHO".

You use far too many semi-colons and not always correctly. They are predominantly used stylistically and therefore sparingly. They replace a conjunction, and there should be an independent clause on either side of it. You have some with subordinate clauses after the semi-colon.

Your thesis statement isn't well-rounded. You jump to the name of a book, and I don't have any clue how that's supposed to relate to your opening premise. Did the fellow you're writing about write the book? Don't make assumptions as in: oh, the prof knows what I'm talking about so I don't have to refer back or connect dots. Connect dots. Assume that someone who knows nothing about your subject matter is going to read your essay, and it needs everything spelled out clearly to make sense to them. Clearly state what you are trying to accomplish with your paper in your first few paragraphs. I have no idea where you're going or why.

That's all I have time to give you with this late notice. As I said, given more lead-time, and I could have combed it and helped more. Nonetheless, from the first three pages I've read, your writing style is clear and concise. You don't try to overdo things with overly-complicated words or catch-phrases. Tighten up your thesis statement and get rid of a bunch of the semi-colons, especially the ones that don't have complete sentences on each side.

Good luck to you!

 

[Sorry!]

For what it's worth, DO NOT use contractions in formal/school writing. I don't care if this particular prof doesn't care, don't do it.

Agreed, this is a very important aspect in my opinion on writing essays.

Quick glance. You need to get pronouns right. When you refer to a person, do not use "that". As in: he was a writer that blah blah blah. It is "he was a writer WHO".

Agree with this too.

You use far too many semi-colons and not always correctly. They are predominantly used stylistically and therefore sparingly. They replace a conjunction, and there should be an independent clause on either side of it. You have some with subordinate clauses after the semi-colon.

Agree with this too! (Georgina on a roll). Every paper I wrote semi-colons were only to be used in a 'must use' situation. Reason being is that they are most of the time unnecessary and they are hard to know for sure you've used correctly. They must have two independant clauses on either side or be used as a 'super-comma' in a list. Sometimes you've used it correctly but other times the clauses weren't independent so the semi-colon is wrong to use.

Your thesis statement isn't well-rounded. You jump to the name of a book, and I don't have any clue how that's supposed to relate to your opening premise. Did the fellow you're writing about write the book? Don't make assumptions as in: oh, the prof knows what I'm talking about so I don't have to refer back or connect dots. Connect dots. Assume that someone who knows nothing about your subject matter is going to read your essay, and it needs everything spelled out clearly to make sense to them. Clearly state what you are trying to accomplish with your paper in your first few paragraphs. I have no idea where you're going or why.

Good luck to you!

Second that.

I'm not trying to be harsh on your writing syle it's just that all the things that Georgina had pointed out I had noticed while reading too. I just figured that if I told you about it that you would just dismiss it mostly because 'your prof. doesn't mind.' In my opinion these exercises should be about making you a better writer for the future and not to get you a passing grade.
I would have gone through the essay last night making detailed edits but again, as Georgina pointed out the essay was posted in .pdf format which I can not edit.

 

[finebykris]

Agreed, this is a very important aspect in my opinion on writing essays.
Agree with this too.

Agree with this too! (Georgina on a roll). Every paper I wrote semi-colons were only to be used in a 'must use' situation. Reason being is that they are most of the time unnecessary and they are hard to know for sure you've used correctly. They must have two independant clauses on either side or be used as a 'super-comma' in a list. Sometimes you've used it correctly but other times the clauses weren't independent so the semi-colon is wrong to use.

Second that.

I'm not trying to be harsh on your writing syle it's just that all the things that Georgina had pointed out I had noticed while reading too. I just figured that if I told you about it that you would just dismiss it mostly because 'your prof. doesn't mind.' In my opinion these exercises should be about making you a better writer for the future and not to get you a passing grade.
I would have gone through the essay last night making detailed edits but again, as Georgina pointed out the essay was posted in .pdf format which I can not edit.

About the contractions... I'm not taking it lightly. Thanks to your recommendation, in the future, I will try to avoid them entirely, however, I believe that it's not worth the trouble of fixing on this paper.

Thanks for the criticism, both of you. I really didn't noticed that I overused semicolons... If anthing I would think that I overused colons leading into quotations.

Quick question, if a colon precedes a quotation, does the quotation need to be an independent clause?

Also, thanks for catching the pronoun miss usage, for some reason it made sense at the time, hopefully I would have caught it in my own proof of the paper (which I hate yet to do, but I have a hard copy and a red pen to make it easier to find errors... there's something about the printed form that helps me see my mistakes.)EDIT: if its not too late, I've added a .doc file to my original post. Remember, all i need right now is to make it correct writing, it doesn't need to be good.

 

[Sorry!]

Quick question, if a colon precedes a quotation, does the quotation need to be an independent clause?

Hmm this is a tricky one.

-I know for MLA a quotation over 4 lines in length needs to be preceded by a colon.
-To use it in a sentence the clause that comes before the quote must be an independent clause.

 

[finebykris]

Alright, that's good to know.

 

[GeorginaS]

Psst. "miss usage" is one word -- misusage. And, further, I'd use misuse in place of that.

I'll look at the .doc file.

 

[finebykris]

Psst. "miss usage" is one word -- misusage. And, further, I'd use misuse in place of that.

I'll look at the .doc file.

i thought so!

Firefox's spellcheck is on crack.

 

[GeorginaS]

Okay, done. Not bad, actually. What level of school are you writing for?

I cleaned up some typos and fixed some punctuation. No big changes.

A couple of things.

Find a better noun to use than "stuff". (I substituted that word for "work".)

There is no such thing as "very unique". Unique is a one-of. There are no gradations of it.

eco-terrorist(ism) is hyphenated.

I've renamed the document I've proofed to be [2] rather than [1].

Maybe a comparison later when you have some time will help you some. Generally I'd mark changes in coloured fonts so you could see them. I realize you likely don't have time to go through and switch them again.

Anyway, there you go. A quick clean-up. Good luck.

 

[finebykris]

Okay, done. Not bad, actually. What level of school are you writing for?

I cleaned up some typos and fixed some punctuation. No big changes.

A couple of things.

Find a better noun to use than "stuff". (I substituted that word for "work".)

There is no such thing as "very unique". Unique is a one-of. There are no gradations of it.

eco-terrorist(ism) is hyphenated.

I've renamed the document I've proofed to be [2] rather than [1].

Maybe a comparison later when you have some time will help you some. Generally I'd mark changes in coloured fonts so you could see them. I realize you likely don't have time to go through and switch them again.

Anyway, there you go. A quick clean-up. Good luck.

I wish you would have actually changed the color on your corrections. I've got another version that I'm trying to improve a little and it would be nice to just manually add the corrections you made to my original.

Its fine though, I'll try to find them anyways.

 

[GeorginaS]

Sorry, I thought time was more of a factor. If you print off both the original you posted here and the amended one I posted and compare them, you can highlight the new stuff fairly quickly.

 

[finebykris]

Sorry, I thought time was more of a factor. If you print off both the original you posted here and the amended one I posted and compare them, you can highlight the new stuff fairly quickly.

EDIT: Turned it in earlier today, Thanks for the help!

 

[tmyer2107]

I don't know if it is too late or not but Word has a Compare function under the review tab that will pick out the changes in both documents instantly.

 

[GeorginaS]

EDIT: Turned it in earlier today, Thanks for the help!

You're welcome. I hope some of it helped.