How do boys express their feelings for someone they like?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Lisa!
  • Start date Start date
  • Tags Tags
    Fall
AI Thread Summary
The discussion centers on the complexities of romantic interest and communication between genders. Participants express frustration over the ambiguity of signals in dating, with a focus on the hesitance to make the first move. Many argue that both men and women should be more direct in expressing interest, suggesting that waiting for the "perfect" moment often leads to missed opportunities. The conversation highlights the importance of confidence and the risks involved in pursuing relationships, especially in workplace settings. There is also a recognition of the societal pressures that often place the onus on men to initiate, while women are encouraged to be proactive as well. Ultimately, the consensus leans towards open communication as a means to clarify intentions and foster connections, while also acknowledging the emotional challenges that can arise from dating dynamics.
Lisa!
Gold Member
Messages
650
Reaction score
99
Ok what do they do? How do they let the girl to know that? I mean for sure they don't tell the girl that they love her the moment they feel obssed with her. For sure it takes some time for them to let her know about their interest!
I'm really terrible in knowing that. I don't want to be like 1 of those stupid who accuse others of being in love with them or have a crush them while it's themselves who's in love with the guy and not poor guy. I'm talking about those silly girls who keep an open eye on ething the guy is doing and then think verywhatever the hell the guy is doing and talking is meant their to draw their attention.
 
Physics news on Phys.org
Um... why don't you just ask the guy out on a date?

He may not like you as of now, but would probably like to go on a date. Then he may start to like by getting to know you.

This goes for guys too. Just ask the girl out.

If you wait and wait and wait until it's a for sure deal that you both like each other, you'll end up dating like one or two (most likely one) people in your lives, which will probably not end up anywhere. (That's life.)

So, just show a lot of interests or flat out ask him out. That's how you figure it out.

Note: I know of girls who asked out guys. My girlfriend said she would have asked me out if I didn't for the first few days. She couldn't wait.
 
JasonRox said:
Um... why don't you just ask the guy out on a date?
1. I prefer him to ask me out if he loves me in order to show me how confident he is! If he doesn't love me, I don't think I am going to change his mind.(well that's because I've not met a guy who I feel he's worthy enough to take the time):wink:

2. Are you kidding me? He's so egotistical. You know I'venot let him that I'm interested in him. I just tried to show well I don't dislike him and didn't ignore him as much as the other... But Wow! Recently he just act weird. I mean he ignores me sometimes or come around me and talking to others while standing back to me!:bugeye: Oh in return I just cut him dead like before. And now he seems to change that attitude alittle!
Ok ok I think we are too old for that sort of games but it seems he tinks different. In fact I guess I don't think we can get anywhere. The only thingI want to know is whether it was all my imagination or he really had a crush on me!:blushing:
 
Well, I don't think he "loves" you quite yet..

There's no way for us to tell if he had a crush on you from here, I don't think anyone here has met the guy.
Also don't be afraid to show that you like him, that's a typical mistake girls do that only lead to confusion..

That does not mean to act slutty either, it just means, call him and ask if he wants to do stuff, then see what happens, it doesn't even have to be a date.
Depends on how well you know him also.
 
Flirtation alert! :!) :!) :!) :!)
 
Lisa! said:
Ok what do they do? How do they let the girl to know that? I mean for sure they don't tell the girl that they love her the moment they feel obssed with her. For sure it takes some time for them to let her know about their interest!
I'm really terrible in knowing that. I don't want to be like 1 of those stupid who accuse others of being in love with them or have a crush them while it's themselves who's in love with the guy and not poor guy. I'm talking about those silly girls who keep an open eye on ething the guy is doing and then think verywhatever the hell the guy is doing and talking is meant their to draw their attention.

Tries to not look at here. Can't help staring. Must stop staring. At her. Fails.

That is guys in a nutshell.
 
octelcogopod said:
Well, I don't think he "loves" you quite yet..
Sure!
There's no way for us to tell if he had a crush on you from here, I don't think anyone here has met the guy.
:smile: :smile:
How on Earth do you think I expect you to know that? There's no mention about him at OP!

Also don't be afraid to show that you like him, that's a typical mistake girls do that only lead to confusion..
In this case it's big mistake to let him know! He's egotistical and more important than that I don't think anything in common with.
 
Mattara said:
Tries to not look at here. Can't help staring. Must stop staring. At her. Fails.

That is guys in a nutshell.

Most guys think girls are psychic and they can pick up on all these signals, but they learn by experience that all this flirtation albeit very subtle doesn't work, trouble is some guys are just to shy to make the first move, and I am often one of them. I once waited so long to show a girl interest that by the time I did, she was engaged :cry:

Damn it, if it taught me anything it taught me not to play around making subtle advances. And I'm hoping you won't either Lisa. It's not considered de rigueur for the girl to make the second move any more, there are plenty of ways to show your interested without the obvious, but sometimes guys are just too dumb to recognise them, so try the direct approach, you never know it just might work?:smile:
 
Just do what I used to do, go up to the guy and ask "so, where are you taking me Friday night?" It always worked.
 
  • #10
Evo said:
Just do what I used to do, go up to the guy and ask "so, where are you taking me Friday night?" It always worked.

That would make my day too. :biggrin:
 
  • #11
So all of you think that I should ask him out, eh?:biggrin:

All right! Sounds fine but not in this case. Moreover recently I'm losing confidence on myself. I feel that he ignores me because I'm ugly and boring.:frown: Oh although I feel the other way about some time ago. Anyway things are getting worse every day. Today I preten that I don't see/know him although we were in a face to face position. I guess he also expects me to make the 1st move since he is too confident and feel like he's God's gift to women. On the hand since his position at work is superior to me, he always think he's greater than us. Argh! I can't stand egotistical people. :devil:
 
  • #12
Oh, this is someone from work? Ayay.
And he's a superior? Ayayay.
You might want to think about that...



Anyway, assuiming you assess and accept the risks of dating someone from work...


Stop playing games. Ask him if he wants to grab a coffee.

You can be as gentle or as bold as the desire suits you, but don't just sit around and wait for him to make the move. This is the 21st century! You are Woman!
 
  • #13
I'd tease you and laugh with how serious you are.But be confident,I can say that a lot of guys are just as serious as you as they would give their lives for loving you :D
 
  • #14
Lisa! said:
So all of you think that I should ask him out, eh?:biggrin:

All right! Sounds fine but not in this case. Moreover recently I'm losing confidence on myself. I feel that he ignores me because I'm ugly and boring.:frown: Oh although I feel the other way about some time ago. Anyway things are getting worse every day. Today I preten that I don't see/know him although we were in a face to face position. I guess he also expects me to make the 1st move since he is too confident and feel like he's God's gift to women. On the hand since his position at work is superior to me, he always think he's greater than us. Argh! I can't stand egotistical people. :devil:

Seven Days: by Sting

"Seven Days" was all she wrote
A kind of ultimatum note
She gave to me, she gave to me
When I thought the field had cleared
It seems another suit appeared
To challenge me, woe is me
Though I hate to make a choice
My options are decreasing mostly rapidly
Well we'll see
I don't think she'd bluff this time
I really have to make her mine
It's plain to see
It's him or me

Monday, I could wait till Tuesday
If I make up my mind
Wednesday would be fine, Thursday's on my mind
Friday'd give me time, Saturday could wait
But Sunday'd be too late

The fact that he's over six feet ten
Might instill fear in other men
But not in me, The Mighty Flea (flee?)
Ask if I am mouse or man
The mirror squeaked, away I ran
He'll murder me in time for his tea
Does it bother me at all
My rival is Neanderthal, it makes me think
Perhaps I need a drink
IQ is no problem here
We won't be playing Scrabble for her hand I fear
I need that beer

Monday, I could wait till Tuesday
If I make up my mind
Wednesday would be fine, Thursday's on my mind
Friday'd give me time, Saturday could wait
But Sunday'd be too late

Seven days will quickly go
The fact remains, I love her so
Seven days, so many ways
But I can't run away

Monday, I could wait till Tuesday
If I make up my mind
Wednesday would be fine, Thursday's on my mind
Friday'd give me time, Saturday could wait
But Sunday'd be too late
Do I have to tell a story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met
It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me that ends up getting wet

Replace the word she with he, him with her etc, this is one song that I attribute to my own ability to make the first move. Hope it helps, I'm still the same shy uptight person even though I know I shouldn't be:smile:
 
Last edited:
  • #15
Yeah just take sting for advice lol
 
  • #16
@rt!fex said:
Yeah just take sting for advice lol

Erm no, think you might of missed the point, I take it as pretty indicative of my situation and the problem's I personally have with shyness and procrastination in love, I take it as the reason why I shouldn't take his advice.

:biggrin: never take Sting for advice, take it for its lack of advice :smile:
 
Last edited:
  • #17
I'm awful because I suffer terribly from nerves especially in the company of women I really like and this makes me feel incredibly sick. Perhaps this guy has a similar problem so if you like him just ask (and beware of vomit if he does have a similar condition, but don't worry its love vomit not hate vomit :smile:).
 
  • #18
Lisa! said:
I mean for sure they don't tell the girl that they love her the moment they feel obssed with her.

Yes, they do.

You sound like you need to read this book.
 
  • #19
wow, interesting advice. Eve has a pretty good idea, but in the end, each boy is different. If they're confident and outgoing (to generalize) then they'll usually reply openly to Eve's idea, and you'll find out. Though, they'll probably already have hit on your if they're a confident, healthy male, and they're attracted to you.

If they're more introverted or have issues with women (not saying he's a bad guy, but socially inpet and/or emotionally underdeveloped) than he might run scared, especially if he likes you (if you come straight out with it as in Eve's example).

And these are just two extremes, everyone's a bit different. If there's chemistry between you though, the only way you'll know is if you make some kind of advance (since it sounds like either he's too chicken, or not interested).
 
  • #20
"Too chicken" is another way of saying "not interested enough to overcome chicken-ness."
 
  • #21
Lisa! said:
Ok what do they do? How do they let the girl to know that? I mean for sure they don't tell the girl that they love her the moment they feel obssed with her. For sure it takes some time for them to let her know about their interest!
I'm really terrible in knowing that. I don't want to be like 1 of those stupid who accuse others of being in love with them or have a crush them while it's themselves who's in love with the guy and not poor guy. I'm talking about those silly girls who keep an open eye on ething the guy is doing and then think verywhatever the hell the guy is doing and talking is meant their to draw their attention.
If a boy looks at you in a certain way, and talks to you in a certain way, then perhaps he is interested. Ask him.

BTW - does he know the words and wisdom of محمد بلخى‎ and جبران خليل جبران ?
 
  • #22
Mickey said:
"Too chicken" is another way of saying "not interested enough to overcome chicken-ness."

that's a rather pessimistic view. It really can be harder then you'd imagine. Why does all this pressure exist on the male to make the first move anyway? I thought that died with feminism.
 
  • #23
Pythagorean said:
that's a rather pessimistic view. It really can be harder then you'd imagine. Why does all this pressure exist on the male to make the first move anyway? I thought that died with feminism.

Well, it doesn't mean he's not interested. It just means he's not *that* interested.

I'm interested in being a professional artist, but I can't get over giving up the possibility of being a scientist, not to mention the fear of being dirt broke, on top of all the odd jobs I'd have to do. I'm not *that* interested in it. But interests change, the more you get to know something. Once I have a better idea of how I can do what I want to do, I'll go do it. Otherwise I'm just a slacker.

Similarly, a guy might be interested in a girl, but he can't get over the thought of ruining his chances with other girls, being rejected, being made fun, or even discovering that he won't actually like the girl, the more he gets to know her. What will he do when he's stuck in a relationship? Hurt her feelings and be labeled as a jerk? He's not *that* interested.

If the girl isn't making a move, or not making efforts to overcome her own inhibitions, she's not *that* interested either. This is the 21st century. But maybe her interests would change the more she got to know the guy. All the more reason for the guy to make his move and the girl hers.

I don't understand how you could take that one statement and derive pessimism, pressure on the male to make the first move, and near anti-feminism from it. That was pretty comical!
 
Last edited:
  • #24
Mickey said:
Well, it doesn't mean he's not interested. It just means he's not *that* interested.

Can this not also apply to girls then? If a girl is that interested...then why wouldn't she make the first move?

I think that a guy can be *that* interested, and still be afraid to make the first move.
 
  • #25
You CANNOT base your actions on second-guessing HIM. Who knows what he's thinking?

Maybe he seriously has the hots for you, but is afraid that, as a higher-ranking employee, it could be misconstrued as sexual harrassment if he approached you. He could be thinking any number of similar things! (Have you not seen enough syrupy romantic comedies that revolve around each person misreading the orther?)

Be honest and forthright from the get-go.
 
  • #26
Astronuc said:
BTW - does he know the words and wisdom of محمد بلخى‎ and جبران خليل جبران ?

I can read the names but I never heard of those guys :smile:. Let me guess...poets?
 
  • #27
Rumi
Astronuc said:
does he know the words and wisdom of محمد بلخى‎ and جبران خليل جبران ?
Some people would just see question marks.

1.Rumi. The quatrains of the rubaiyat?
2.Gibran. Something.

Lisa! said:
1. I prefer him to ask me out if he loves me in order to show me how confident he is! If he doesn't love me, I don't think I am going to change his mind.
Yeah, you and every other girl on the planet. You should do what Evo said, I like that idea. Make sure to look flirty. Do whatever it is girls do with their hair and blinking and facial movements that makes them look so luscious.
 
  • #28
Omega_6 said:
Can this not also apply to girls then? If a girl is that interested...then why wouldn't she make the first move?
Yeah, I edited my post to clarify and add that after you posted.
Omega_6 said:
I think that a guy can be *that* interested, and still be afraid to make the first move.
Afraid, yes. Too afraid to actually do it? Nope, not *that* interested.
 
Last edited:
  • #29
Schrodinger's Dog said:
Most guys think girls are psychic and they can pick up on all these signals, but they learn by experience that all this flirtation albeit very subtle doesn't work, trouble is some guys are just to shy to make the first move, and I am often one of them. I once waited so long to show a girl interest that by the time I did, she was engaged :cry:

Damn it, if it taught me anything it taught me not to play around making subtle advances. And I'm hoping you won't either Lisa. It's not considered de rigueur for the girl to make the second move any more, there are plenty of ways to show your interested without the obvious, but sometimes guys are just too dumb to recognise them, so try the direct approach, you never know it just might work?:smile:
Don't forget, same thing with girls. Most girls think guys are psychic and they can pick up on all these signals, but they learn by experience that all this flirtation, albeit very subtle doesn't work. The trouble is some guys are just too shy to make the first move.
 
  • #30
Mickey said:
Yeah, I edited my post to clarify and add that after you posted.

That is good to hear.

Mickey said:
Afraid, yes. Too afraid to actually do it? Nope, not *that* interested.

So, you speak for every person who has ever existed? Is it not possible that even one person has let someone who they were *that* interested in slip away?

There are people who lack *that* much confidence. I would go as far to say that there are quite a few people like this.
 
  • #31
Omega_6 said:
Is it not possible that even one person has let someone who they were *that* interested in slip away?

Sure it's possible. You can be *that* interested and still be rejected. Happens quite a bit.

Omega_6 said:
There are people who lack *that* much confidence. I would go as far to say that there are quite a few people like this.

Well, I guess they have to just hope that someone will eventually become *that* interested in them.

Or they can get over it. I mean, isn't love worth the risk? If not, they're not that interested! They obviously prefer something else more than love. Maybe security or solitude.
 
Last edited:
  • #32
Lisa! said:
...So all of you think that I should ask him out, eh?...

I would say no to that, because of:

Lisa! said:
...He's so egotistical...

and

Lisa! said:
...I guess he also expects me to make the 1st move since he is too confident and feel like he's God's gift to women. On the hand since his position at work is superior to me, he always think he's greater than us. Argh! I can't stand egotistical people...


Are you even interested in him? If so, ask away if work won't be a problem.

What I did last time I fell for a girl was to clean my apartment, just in case. I wouldn't suggest that you should go peek in his window though.
 
  • #33
Physics_wiz said:
I can read the names but I never heard of those guys :smile:. Let me guess...poets?
and writers. Mk is correct. Rumi (1207 — 1273) Persian writer, poet, jurist, theologian and Sufi teacher, and Khalil Gibran (1883 – 1931) was a contemporary writer and poet originally from Bsharri, Lebanon.
 
  • #34
as there has been no reply from Lisa!...

EDIT: great somhow i ended up posting while still typing, wow i have mind controls
 
  • #35
lunarmansion said:
Lisa as woman, I would tell you to go for a guy that sweeps you off your feet and adores you, and, of course, who you also happen to like. Do not have patience with wusses and losers. Trust your instincts on this. And never, never feel sorry for a man. Good women are way too soft hearted sometimes. Also, if the man is worthy of you but a bit reserved and somewhat an introvert, make it a bit easier for him and be nice to him, so he does not think you are picky and unapproachable, but let him think he initiated everything. This is important for the ego's of men somehow. And remember, a woman is always too good for the man.
:smile: Tough love! :biggrin:
 
  • #36
lunarmansion said:
This is good advice for Lisa, perhaps not to be read by men. But she comes from where romantic love originated, so she should know.
On the contrary, men need to understand a woman's perspective.

In my previous comment, I was going to suggest 'tongue-in-cheek', that Lisa! tackle the guy, anterior to ground, twist his arm, and ask him his intentions. :biggrin: That however may not be taken as intended, and the action may be perceived as too confrontational.

lunarmansion said:
Never underestimate yourself. It is usually the people with the best qualities that underestimate themselves and the stupid ones are all too sure of themselves. It is not about looks. I cannot tell you how many girlfriends I have, beautiful women mistreated and taken for granted by ther boyfriends and husbands.
Good advice, and I have noticed the same.

Relationships shouldn't be about control or propping up fragile egos.

Relationships should be based on reciprocity and mutuality, with dignity and respect - more or less an equal partnership.
 
  • #37
Why would you want a guy who thinks he's God's gift to women?
 
  • #38
Thanks all of you!:smile:
I reply to other posts later since I don't have enough time now...
JasonRox said:
Why would you want a guy who thinks he's God's gift to women?
:approve:

I don't anymore! I started this thread because I was really feel bad about myself. I thought that was all my imagination that he had a crush on me. You know I still have trouble accepting people are interested in me. I see them around, staring at me, ... butI still think well that deosn't mean they like me. I don't know perhaps that's because I don't find anything so exciting about myself to make a guy fall for me. Hehe that's why I have no bf, although my friends always think I do but I'm hiding from them!(when I tell them that I have no male friend who's so close to me they don't believe me and think I even have more than 1:bugeye: ) Anyway I just wanted to know how girls supposed to know whether someone's obssesed wit them or not!
And you know at 1st he didn't seem to be such a guy. To be honest I've not been nice to him as well. I was sort of rude to him because of some event and well after that he started his rudeness as well. Somehow he's changed his attitude since yesterday. I mean he's around agian and doesn't cut me dead, but I still do!:shy: You know that's because I don't lik people play with me. I mean they make you feel great and believe they like you a lot but t othr day tey cut you dead and make you feel stupid because of thinking that tey like you while they don't. I just want to forget him. Too difficult inc we saw each other every day but possible if I'd make myself too busy to have time for thinking about him!:redface:
 
  • #39
never, never feel sorry for a man.
remember, a woman is always too good for the man.
This may help somebody that is a victim of male-caused domestic violence, but I'm not so sure about any factual basis behind these statements. Switch "man," with "women," and this sounds like centuries ago were in some places women were not considered people almost. Never, never feel sorry for a man? That sounds like every man is a dog.
 
  • #40
Unfortunately this is normal behaviour for men.

I really like a girl at work (in fact the situation is spookily simalir to yours except I'm sure she doesn't like me:cry: ), and I've been a bit off with her sometimes, it's not delibrate we just can't help it.
 
  • #41
Lisa! it doesn't have to be a "love" thing or even a serious friendship right away. Just keep it light. When I started college, I was about 5'2" and there was a beautiful leggy blonde (at least 5'10") in the dorm next door, and I saw her in the cafeteria frequently. One day, I got up the courage to ask if I could sit with her for lunch, and she shot right back with "well, I saved this chair for you" and patted the chair next to hers. We became best friends, and were for years. I was over 5'6" by the end of the freshman year, but we still looked like Dudley Moore and Susan Anton when we walked together holding hands, hugged, etc. We spent time together every day, and she introduced me to some very nice ladies, although I never clicked with any of her friends. A couple of years later, I walked to a local bar during a heavy snowstorm, and saw a statuesque lifeguard from the UMO pool at another table. She had a muscular build and a baby face, and she was 2 years older than me. She smiled, came over to my table and asked if she could buy me a drink. That turned into months of non-commital sex and closeness and another good friendship with a person that shared my passion for English Romantic poetry and philosophy, until she graduated and moved on. Not every relationship is about passion and committment - some are about friendship, some are more. If you make friends with a boy that you have no sexual/affectionate attraction to, you will at least have another friend, and if he respects your friendship, he will open the doors for you to meet other people with whom you might really hit it off.

If you like a guy, keep it light and non-committal. Invite him to go with you and your friends to get ice cream, play a couple of rounds of miniature golf, or go bowling. The group setting will keep him relaxed and you'll get to know him a lot better than if he's feeling pressured and is worried about what kind of impression he's making or what kind of "relationship" you're looking for. Don't make it a "date". First be a friend. I am married to my best friend of over 31 years. That didn't happen overnight.
 
Last edited:
  • #42
lunarmansion said:
And remember, a woman is always too good for the man.

You're not too picky, you said? Could've fooled me!
 
  • #43
Lisa! said:
Thanks all of you!:smile:
I reply to other posts later since I don't have enough time now...

:approve:

I don't anymore! I started this thread because I was really feel bad about myself. I thought that was all my imagination that he had a crush on me. You know I still have trouble accepting people are interested in me. I see them around, staring at me, ... butI still think well that deosn't mean they like me. I don't know perhaps that's because I don't find anything so exciting about myself to make a guy fall for me. Hehe that's why I have no bf, although my friends always think I do but I'm hiding from them!(when I tell them that I have no male friend who's so close to me they don't believe me and think I even have more than 1:bugeye: ) Anyway I just wanted to know how girls supposed to know whether someone's obssesed wit them or not!
And you know at 1st he didn't seem to be such a guy. To be honest I've not been nice to him as well. I was sort of rude to him because of some event and well after that he started his rudeness as well. Somehow he's changed his attitude since yesterday. I mean he's around agian and doesn't cut me dead, but I still do!:shy: You know that's because I don't lik people play with me. I mean they make you feel great and believe they like you a lot but t othr day tey cut you dead and make you feel stupid because of thinking that tey like you while they don't. I just want to forget him. Too difficult inc we saw each other every day but possible if I'd make myself too busy to have time for thinking about him!:redface:

See, why do you waste time with other guys when deep down you know you really want me? They are not as perfect as I! :cool:
 
  • #44
I think arrogance turns Lisa on! :!)

No wonder she loves you, Cyrus.
 
  • #45
Lisa! said:
I started this thread because I was really feel bad about myself.
Like lunarmansion and others have mentioned, don't feel bad about yourself. As far as I can tell, you're a fine young lady, and many people here enjoy your contributions to PF. Soooo, there are probably nice young men who see the same thing we do, and they see you in person. :cool:

So when are you going to post a picture? :biggrin:
 
  • #46
I'm feeling better!

So just getting back from shopping and after wearing some beauitful clothes now I feel I'm so cute!:smile::blushing:


I just didn't care about that guy for the last 2 weeks and now I'm almost forgetting him. He came to me afew days ago for asking some really stupid question:bugeye: (well seems to me like an excuse) but I just responded to him very formal and polite, then left him so soon although it was a good excuse for both of us to talk for a long time.Nope! I don't like guys to think that they can play with my feelings.
I still don't know whether he had a crush for me or not anymore.:zzz: That's because he seems to be very selfsatisfied.Although there's nothing special about him other than being sort of handsome(he's tall). Wow! and you know he's 10 years older than me.:rolleyes:

Math Is Hard said:
I think arrogance turns Lisa on! :!)
Not really!
I was obssed with him since he didn't seem to be arrogant.
 
  • #47
cyrusabdollahi said:
See, why do you waste time with other guys when deep down you know you really want me? They are not as perfect as I! :cool:
My love is strong for you that I just don't want you to waste your life with an unperfect person like me. :!)
Oh although I know that perfect beings like you never fall in love.:frown:
 

Similar threads

Back
Top