How to approach a girl at the library

[DiracPool]

Just give her a warm look , a semi-smile and say "Hey! How are you?".

Is this what you mean by a semi-smile?

 

[Chronos]

I was eating a taco when I saw that pic, DiracPool. No more Italian food for me tonight.

 

[Bacle2]

I was eating a taco when I saw that pic, DiracPool. No more Italian food for me tonight.

You're eating Italian tacos? With Mexican pasta?

 

[dreamLord]

This thread is now about creepy men and food.

 

[HayleySarg]

This thread is now about creepy men and food.

D: I knew that's how I find all the creeps.

OP

I know that if I was studying intently and someone approached me, the most important factor would be how they "broke the ice". So, good on you for asking for advice.

I suggest keeping it pretty simple.

Maybe I'm not the best female to give advice since I don't dwell on interactions all that much. I suggest you just walk up and ask her what she's focused on. Mention you've seen her quite a bit, and explain you're genuinely interested. If you feel passionate about your own research, play on that. If you don't, explain how you were pleasantly surprised to see someone who does. I find people like to talk about themselves, so opening up a safe avenue to do so (work, school topics) is pleasant.

Laughter is always a plus. But trying to force laughs is worse than none at all. Let the conversation develop, get a feel for her personal tastes and sense of humor before trying to get too silly.

Once you open a dialogue and maybe even talk a few times, you can try persuading her to leave the library for the sake of conversation. Is there a café near the library? If so, and you see her studying for a bit, maybe just walk over and ask, "Hey, I saw you've been sitting here for quite awhile. I was headed over to the (cafe/coffee shop/whatever), want to grab something?"

No one wants to feel cornered, but at the same time, don't assume that everyone wants to be left alone. At worst case, she's very busy and will be a bit short. It's unlikely if you approach in a friendly manner you'll get a negative response such as a scoff or the iconic "Creep" with rolling eyes.

Cheers!

 

[Bacle2]

This is an interest advice I received in a speech class I took that may apply to your situation , and in more general ones too:

Write a list of 10-15 things that interest you, and memorize them, and/or a list of interesting events in your life . The idea is people are attracted to those people who have something they're passionate about in their lives. You can then bring up the list in the conversation, and your interest for the items on your list will be transmitted during the conversation. This is better --unless you're an amazing conversationalist -- than trying to improvise: is it raining next week? Wow, this is a big library: so many books,etc.

 

[DiracPool]

This is an interest advice I received in a speech class I took that may apply to your situation , and in more general ones too:

Write a list of 10-15 things that interest you, and memorize them, and/or a list of interesting events in your life . The idea is people are attracted to those people who have something they're passionate about in their lives. You can then bring up the list in the conversation, and your interest for the items on your list will be transmitted during the conversation. This is better --unless you're an amazing conversationalist -- than trying to improvise: is it raining next week? Wow, this is a big library: so many books,etc.

Too complicated and contrived. They're going to see right through that. Girls, help me out here?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCpA97CFiCQ

 

[HayleySarg]

Hmm, I'm not sure. It depends, if it's done fluently, I might be tricked. However, the pre-req for doing something like that is that you're NOT a good conversationalist, eh? So that logic won't really work.

The more pressure you put on yourself to do the right thing, the worse it will go. Haven't the movies taught us anything? All that pressure and you'll be like "Hii... uh. You smell nice".

IMHO, the less pressure you put on yourself, the better. It's not an task, walking up to someone and striking conversation. But it's certainly not impossible.

 

[Bacle2]

Too complicated and contrived. They're going to see right through that. Girls, help me out here?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCpA97CFiCQ

I'm not suggesting you recite the list word-by-word; the idea is if the conversation starts off reasonably-well, you can keep it going more easily if you have some good material handy. I'm not that good of a conversationalist to pull off cold meetings; I can use all the help I can get.

 

[MarneMath]

I like Bacle method. Whenever my wife allows me to accompany her to an event, I get a feel of the people there and mentally prepared some topics in my head. Otherwise, I just play angry birds. Before, I met my wife (and how I met my wife), I used to have 5 rotating topics I would use to talk to new people. Mostly they involved me either at a Rodeo, falling from a 40 foot tower, or being lost in Iraq. Usually, I would incorporate it like this, "you remind me of the medic who saved me after I fell from a 40 foot tower." or "You remind of the girl who saved me after I got thrown off a bull." etc, it worked rather well for me :p.

 

[HayleySarg]

Rotating/Keeping a roster of info to discuss seems smart. I just feel that overly-memorizing something will actual prove more difficult.

Having a plan is good. Having a plan with no flexibility and lots of details can backfire.

Cheers

 

[DiracPool]

Whenever my wife allows me to accompany her to an event, I get a feel of the people there and mentally prepared some topics in my head. Otherwise, I just play angry birds. Before, I met my wife (and how I met my wife)

Somehow I get the feeling that MarneMath is very attached to his wife. He brings her up in every post

 

[DiracPool]

Rotating/Keeping a roster of info to discuss seems smart. I just feel that overly-memorizing something will actual prove more difficult.

Having a plan is good. Having a plan with no flexibility and lots of details can backfire.

Cheers

Idk, in my experience women are very quick to pick up on contrivances, which is why faking confidence never seems to work, and all guys have tried that at one point or another. Sometimes you think you scored with a girl because you told her you were the manager of the Jack in the Box instead of the dishwasher you really were. However, the reality is that she didn't believe you anyway but just thought you were cute. That's why you scored.

Nothing turns a girl off more than some guy trying to artificially trump up his game (except on the rare occasion they think its charming). It makes them feel uncomfortable and have pity for you, and that's not very sexy. It's kind of like how you feel embarrassed when you're watching some comedian bomb. Why do you feel embarrassed? You're not the one bombing. Doesn't matter, you feel embarrassed anyway.

At the end of the day, what works best is feeling comfortable in your own skin. Women can read that and that's what they like. Everything else is pretty much secondary (except perhaps your income ) The problem, unfortunately is how to feel comfortable in your own skin.

 

[HayleySarg]

That's why I thought it was being a little over-zealous to have a step-by step by step methodology for conducting small talk. Though, for me, conversation comes easily regardless of gender.

I've been hit on once (and have been dating that one for 3 years+ now), so I can't really say what worked on me conclusively. I tend to agree with the statement of trying to trump up your game. Especially when it leads to little lies.

I believe there is not magic formula for people. It's too complicated to specify exact approaches really. Everyone is different, just as the person they want to approach is different.

 

[MarneMath]

Somehow I get the feeling that MarneMath is very attached to his wife. He brings her up in every post

She's my best friend!

 

[reenmachine]

Is this what you mean by a semi-smile?

lollll

This is a perfect image to illustrate what NOT to do.

 

[StevieTNZ]

There's this cute girl I constantly see at my university library. I would like to meet her but I'm scared of interrupting her. She seems so focused on her stuff and the library is really quiet so I feel weird approaching her. I tried to peak at what she was working on and all I could see were a couple of research papers. Intimidating. I'm not a very extroverted guy and having to approach her at the library just makes it even tougher. There's just something about her that I find really attractive. Any advice?

Have you tried this approach?

 

[FlexGunship]

The most likely end to this thread is: "eh, I haven't seen her in a few weeks now... oh well..."

Just say something. Trip over your words. Be awkward! It's better than doing nothing. Say: "I know you must get this all the time, but would you like to get coffee with me?" And if she doesn't respond or doesn't respond the right way just add, "Look, I know this is awkward, think about how hard this is for me right now."

If she's into dorks, then you're golden.

You could just try the Flex method:

Buy a cup of coffee for her and yourself (make her's loaded with cream and Splenda... girls LOVE coffee that tastes nothing like coffee; make your's black because you're a man with self-respect). Take both of them to the library. Stand in front of her just long enough that she notices you and set the coffee down. Say "cream and sugar" <pause> "this one is black if you'd prefer." Now wait. No need to smile, but don't glare or look evil. Raise your eyebrows a little if you're uncomfortable; this will prompt her to respond. She'll probably say something like: "uh, thanks... but I..." and you cut her off. Grab the coffee, say "okay", and toss it in the garbage. Don't stick around long... don't rush out. But at this point it's time to leave.

Repeat the next day.

 

[HayleySarg]

That is the most hilarious thing ever Flex.

 

[epenguin]

Mid-July I guess this has solved itself? E.g she no longer frequents the library?
But a lot of people have had fun with creepy suggestions.
'Hello' is not a bad conversation starter. Not many people refuse to answer that. As long as you don't wear a creepy expression like some of the pics.
Trouble is many girls don't have much conversation. Like they just reply 'Hello' and you are back at the start. Or even further back, or just possibly not, just depending how they say it.
If you see her you could take it from my first line above, like in some order or another ask about what she's doing generally and say you thought you'd say hello because maybe there wouldn't be another chance.

Another risk of this business is there is some other creepy guy who leaves her creepy notes in the library like ones suggested and she thinks it's you.

 

[MarneMath]

This whole thing reminds me of this:



*Comes from the movie Dr. Horrible Sing-Along Blog.

 

[Astronuc]

How to approach a girl at the library?

Using both legs.

 

[bardeen]

I was out on vacation for a couple of weeks. Ever since I came back I haven't seen her again. Maybe she is out of town too? Hopefully I will see her again when the fall semester starts in 2 weeks or so. I am braver now. I will do it. If she has a bf I will be very mad.

 

[Evo]

If she has a bf I will be very mad.

If this would actually make you mad, then perhaps you are not ready to approach this girl. I can understand being disappointed but "very mad" is not an appropriate response.

 

[Permanence]

If she has a bf I will be very mad.

Mate you shouldn't be mad. If she has a bf, that just means you have to work a little bit harder ;)

 

[micromass]

I was out on vacation for a couple of weeks. Ever since I came back I haven't seen her again. Maybe she is out of town too? Hopefully I will see her again when the fall semester starts in 2 weeks or so. I am braver now. I will do it. If she has a bf I will be very mad.

If you really love for her and care for her, then you would want her to be happy no matter what. If she is currently with a guy who can make her the happiest girl in the world, then you should be happy for her.

If you are very mad, then it's not the girl you care for, but yourself. A relationship based on such selfish desires is not a good idea.

 

[bardeen]

You guys are right. I guess I would just be kind of pissed because of all the build up and then nothing. But yeah I get it. :)

 

[Chronos]

What the heck are you doing looking for chicks at the library? That is NOT where girls go to find guys.

 

[stevenb]

What the heck are you doing looking for chicks at the library? That is NOT where girls go to find guys.

Hahaha,

You know guys look for girls wherever they are. If he's in the library studying and a pretty girl walks in, guess what? He's looking at her. If the chemistry is working, he doesn't need to question his location.

Personally, it feels more natural to find a girl that isn't looking to find a guy. Seems better that way, unless you prefer to be the target, and not the arrow.

 

[jim hardy]

What the heck are you doing looking for chicks at the library? That is NOT where girls go to find guys.

I met my wife at the library's annual book sale. Though I don't think she was there looking for guys...

Anyhow - re subject of the thread :

Robert Preston in "Music Man " sets the bar