How to Control Love: Dealing with Unrequited Feelings

[disordered]

Hey there,
I’d like to know, is there any possible way to control love? How to get rid of this feeling and beat it to death!



[[[Story is, there’s this guy who I really like, but I've never met him in person and he doesn't know about me, I only read his posts here. But I know it won’t work and I don’t want it to work either! I have my own reasons which I’m not willing to share! Odd I know but this is it… Still, I can't bear the feeling of dismissing him, it feels like a poison inside of me. And it’s affecting my life in a bad way, I can’t focus anymore, study nor socialize. The only good thing about this feeling is it helped me to lose weight. Any ideas what to do? Thanks.]]]

 

[rootX]

Hey there,
I’d like to know, is there any possible way to control love? How to get rid of this feeling and beat it to death!

socialize/go out/volunteer/meet new people.

 

[disordered]

Yeah, I've been trying that lately, it didn't work. It has been a long time since I start to feel that way (## months), I start to become more of a careless person and everyone is saying ‘you’re not yourself’. I act/ respond/ think/ etc about anything differently than I used to do. I just hate the fact that it took me that long, and I really want to end it.

 

[dotman]

The answer to your question is yes, you can.

But even more importantly, for you, is that you can control any emotion, or rather, you can choose to not let any emotion control you. The reason I say this is because what you are experiencing is not love. You simply cannot love someone you've never met, spoken to, or otherwise interacted with except by reading their forum posts.

What you're experiencing is probably more like desire, maybe with some lust thrown in (I don't know). And you can handle that too. Focus on your life, your -real- life, and the interactions in it. When you're having a conversation with someone (and I mean a real one here), really listen and focus on what they're saying. You're a student I think? Really dial into your studies. If you think you 'can't', just sit down and make yourself. Say I will study for the next hour no matter how badly I don't want to, or no matter how many times I lose focus. I will keep studying. Read a book, the kind that whisks you away to another world, and you lose all sense of time and place. There are many ways to get past this.

Now, if you really want to do this the fast way, introduce yourself to the person in question, tell them how you feel, and ask to meet. Maybe they'll politely say no, maybe they'll take you up on it, maybe ignore you, who knows. Either way, you'll probably come to realize this person isn't at all the person you built them up to be in your head.

You're not in love with a real person. You're desiring a persona your mind has built up out of forum posts and your emotions. No big deal, everyone has been there before. You can handle it.

 

[Moonbear]

If you've never met him, you aren't really in love. There, easy, problem solved. It's infatuation, a crush, or perhaps lust, and definitely a big part fantasy, but not love. As quickly as it appeared, it'll disappear when you meet someone interesting in real life.

Can you control your emotions? In most cases, no. Sure, there are medications that can help with things like depression to rid yourself of sadness, but if you mean by some non-medicated method, nope. What you CAN do is control your reaction to your emotions.

 

[BobG]

[[[Story is, there’s this guy who I really like, but I've never met him in person and he doesn't know about me, I only read his posts here. But I know it won’t work and I don’t want it to work either! I have my own reasons which I’m not willing to share! Odd I know but this is it… Still, I can't bear the feeling of dismissing him, it feels like a poison inside of me. And it’s affecting my life in a bad way, I can’t focus anymore, study nor socialize. The only good thing about this feeling is it helped me to lose weight. Any ideas what to do? Thanks.]]]

Someone already called dibs on him and they'll soon ban you. Problem solved.

(He's so clueless he'd never figure out you had a crush on him anyway)

 

[Galteeth]

Not to be dismissive of your feelings, but if you've only read this person's posts on the internet, isn't it likely that the person you're "in love" with is more so an image you have in your head of what this person is like that may not have much to do with reality? In this case, perhaps contacting the person and learning more about him might help, as it may dispel the fantasy you have built up.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

It would be an irony were it Cyrus and he came in here and bashed the OP.


Like Moonie says, its more fantasy than anything. I would hardly even call it a crush. The problem would seem to be that you are for some reason retreating into fantasy and not wanting to deal with real life people. Figure out why that may be and you may be able to solve your problem then.

 

[sas3]

Well, Who is it, If we bring it out in the open and discuss it that might help you resolve your issue and it will provide hours of entertainment for everyone else.

 

[rootX]

Well, Who is it, If we bring it out in the open and discuss it that might help you resolve your issue and it will provide hours of entertainment for everyone else.

Or everyone can claim to be her crush/fantasy and see who wins

I think this thread is ... bit creepy

 

[BobG]

Or everyone can claim to be her crush/fantasy and see who wins

We should have a poll!

Who is disordered's beau? Beau Diddley, Beau Jackson, Beau Derek, Beau the Portugese Water Dog, or Bo Bridges?

 

[dlgoff]

It would be an irony were it Cyrus and he came in here and bashed the OP.

I'm wondering now if I should PM Cyrus and tell him about this.

 

[carnifex]

Disordered,
Love is like a flower: beautiful, but fragile, in the sense that you can dispose of it at any point in time.
-C

 

[MotoH]

Love is like a box of chocolates.

or was that life? I don't remember.

Getting rid of crushes is easy. Go to a party and meet new people. Boom, as soon as you find someone new to harp on your old crush has dissapeared. (although I've never given up on this one girl, but that's another story.)

 

[DaveC426913]

disordered: I am married. Deal with it.

 

[GeorginaS]

disordered: I am married. Deal with it.

 

[disordered]

Disordered,
Love is like a flower: beautiful, but fragile, in the sense that you can dispose of it at any point in time.
-C

You’re right! Unfortunately, I don’t dispose of beautiful things that happen in my life…

http://img338.imageshack.us/img338/8596/p1000967.jpg

Among physics pages! That's where his tough love belongs

Thanks all for the concern.

 

[DanP]

[[[Story is, there’s this guy who I really like, but I've never met him in person and he doesn't know about me, I only read his posts here. But I know it won’t work and I don’t want it to work either! I have my own reasons which I’m not willing to share! Odd I know but this is it… Still, I can't bear the feeling of dismissing him, it feels like a poison inside of me. And it’s affecting my life in a bad way, I can’t focus anymore, study nor socialize. The only good thing about this feeling is it helped me to lose weight. Any ideas what to do? Thanks.]]]

Yeah. PM the guy and meet see if you can meet him in person.

 

[rootX]

No, it would be more fun in public!@

 

[Kajahtava]

There are two forms I guess.

1: Love, hard to control, but I guess possible in the end with the proper dose of chemicals.
2: Being in love, completely different thing, not loving a person as much as loving the feeling that a person gives you and mistaking the latter for the former. It's basically the aequivalent of getting a shot of heroine every time that person enters the room. I'm sure people can be let to believe a person is awesome if they subconsciously associate a shot of heroine with them like that. Easily controllable in theory of course by applying or removing said shot. Can lead to uncomfortable withdrawal signs that may include vomiting, crying or nausea we like to call a 'broken heart'.

 

[DaveC426913]

Yeah. PM the guy and meet see if you can meet him in person.

Or maybe just PM the guy and say hi.

I'd think being tapped as a target of interest would be enough to deal with at first. Being asked to meet would likely spook him.

 

[DaveC426913]

Hey. Disordered had posted her pic! Now we can see what this huy's getting himself into.

http://img338.imageshack.us/img338/8596/p1000967.jpg

OK, it's just her thumb. That's a nice thumb, Dis.

 

[MotoH]

Or maybe just PM the guy and say hi.

I'd think being tapped as a target of interest would be enough to deal with at first. Being asked to meet would likely spook him.

Is she going after a deer?

 

[Pinu7]

Few points:

1. Infatuation and Love are completely different. The former is a feeling and the later is... something much more wonderful.

2. Yes, you can control infatuation or any other feeling. This can be done by becoming more busy, productive, and having a higher self esteem. Of course, this can be applied to any feeling that is emotionally destabilizing.

3. Love, however, is uncontrollable. Though, please realize that what you are feeling is NOT love.

 

[Astronuc]

[[[Story is, there’s this guy who I really like, but I've never met him in person and he doesn't know about me, I only read his posts here. But I know it won’t work and I don’t want it to work either! I have my own reasons which I’m not willing to share! Odd I know but this is it… Still, I can't bear the feeling of dismissing him, it feels like a poison inside of me. And it’s affecting my life in a bad way, I can’t focus anymore, study nor socialize. The only good thing about this feeling is it helped me to lose weight. Any ideas what to do? Thanks.]]]

One could love another as in having a profound and sustained affection and respect for another, without necessarily becoming disordered. There is no need to dismiss the other. Just let the feelings mellow with time, and focus on one's work.

 

[MotoH]

Show up at his house in the middle of the night?

That is how I pull most of my girls.

 

[DaveC426913]

That is how I pull most of my girls.

I don't understand this terminiology. Are most of your girls slow-cooked pork?

 

[Kajahtava]

Few points:

1. Infatuation and Love are completely different. The former is a feeling and the later is... something much more wonderful.

2. Yes, you can control infatuation or any other feeling. This can be done by becoming more busy, productive, and having a higher self esteem. Of course, this can be applied to any feeling that is emotionally destabilizing.

3. Love, however, is uncontrollable. Though, please realize that what you are feeling is NOT love.

Of course it can be controlled. You can make people want to raise their arm by putting a spool next to their head on the right place. It's just a lot harder.

Also, see my above post for an even more cynical perspective on this.

 

[MotoH]

I don't understand this terminology. Are most of your girls slow-cooked pork?

Yes.

 

[DaveC426913]

Okay, I'm not trying to make a running gag of being obtuse, but...

You can make people want to raise their arm by putting a spool next to their head on the right place.

What does infatuation have to do with salutations in a Nazi-era sewing factory?

 

[MotoH]

Okay, I'm not trying to make a running gag of being obtuse, but...



What does infatuation have to do with salutations in a Nazi-era sewing factory?

Oh sweet baby Jesus!

 

[Kajahtava]

Okay, I'm not trying to make a running gag of being obtuse, but...



What does infatuation have to do with salutations in a Nazi-era sewing factory?

I mean to say, that, theoretically, the hypothesis is that you can make people do anything by putting a voltage on the right nerves.

I mean, say that I go grab a cake, that happens because of the signals of my eyes and all that put into motion some awesome swarm intelligence I call my central nervous system.

Well, if I replicate the exact same voltages that would be given by my eye neurons we would expect that I execute the same behaviour with my hands. Of course, from my perspective, I then actually SEE the cake, I don't notice a difference my eye neurons are stimulated by some machine, voilla.

Now, why do we love some one? For all sorts of qualities, naturally, it's theoretically possible to in the same way let us perceive those qualities by putting the right voltages on the right neurons, it's a dauntingly complex task, but it's probably possible to implant a machine behind your eyes to make you see a specific person as read haired, while she in reality is blonde. (just an example), kindness can also be achieved.

 

[MotoH]

I . . . achieved.

So you are telling me, that if I shock myself enough, I can pick and choose who I love?

 

[rootX]

So you are telling me, that if I shock myself enough, I can pick and choose who I love?

I mean to say, that, theoretically, the hypothesis is that you can make people do anything by putting a voltage on the right nerves.

In practice all hypothesis fail!

 

[TMFKAN64]

This is why you should always read a complete thread all the way through and not just jump to the last page. It sounds like someone suggested to the OP that the solution to the problem was to get a car battery and some jumper cables and...

(But yes, PM the person. Don't suggest a meet, just say something nice. People love flattery, especially if it is sincere.)

 

[DanP]

(But yes, PM the person. Don't suggest a meet, just say something nice. People love flattery, especially if it is sincere.)

What better form of flattery you want than a public display of adulation on physicforums.com ?

 

[TMFKAN64]

What better form of flattery you want than a public display of adulation on physicforums.com ?

Maybe it's just me, but public declarations of interest always seem a little creepy. I'm always appalled by these morons who propose marriage to women in public.

I think a short note expressing a little interest and giving a short explanation why would work better than any post.

(For the OP that is. Don't propose marriage in a note either.)

 

[DanP]

I think a short note expressing a little interest and giving a short explanation why would work better than any post.

Yes, but you are ignoring the fact that this thread does exist :P Kinda late for sensible PMs :P

 

[TMFKAN64]

I admit that the OP should probably wait a week... but this will fall off the face of the Earth soon enough. Faster if the hijacking continues...

 

[MotoH]

Who are you to say things about saying things?

 

[TMFKAN64]

Who are you to say things about saying things?

Who is to say what should be said about saying things?

(Man, I'm just *begging* the mods to close this thread now...)

 

[Kajahtava]

So you are telling me, that if I shock myself enough, I can pick and choose who I love?

YEAH,, pretty complex shocks, but yeah.

I mean, I can already make you hate some one.

Let's say I show you a picture of some person you know and give you an electric pain shock every time you see that picture. You then should after a while grow to hate that person.

What if I pump endorphins in your brain every time you see that picture? You should then fall in love with that person. Or at least, that's what falling in love with a person is, your brain saves me the work.

 

[DanP]

Let's say I show you a picture of some person you know and give you an electric pain shock every time you see that picture. You then should after a while grow to hate that person.

Knowing Moto, he will reach for a weapon way before you will have any chance to condition him through painful shocks :P I would start running now.

 

[Huckleberry]

We should have a poll!

Who is disordered's beau? Beau Diddley, Beau Jackson, Beau Derek, Beau the Portugese Water Dog, or Bo Bridges?

...And another poll. Who is disordered? Soccer Mom, Sokudo Fan 111!, Socrates, or Sock Monkey Monster 7?

I saw this great Nike commercial. The slogan was 'Just do it!'. It beats the infinite sock monkey theorem.