I'm finally coming out of the closet, atheism I mean.

[LogicalAcid]

My parents are both religious, my dad is very hard-core, my mom not so much. What should I expect,and by the way I am 14.

 

[zomgwtf]

Well I would like to say you should expect to be treated the same way you've always been treated. Your parents should, in my mind, be the last people on the planet you should feel weird or afraid to admit something to.

Just make sure you do it in a way that does not offend whatever they may believe and perhaps even make some compromises if they press the point. For instance attending church for events won't effect your beliefs but it may help them?

Good luck, if you need any help or any problems arise don't be afraid to shout.

 

[Phrak]

Did the universe come about by its own will?

 

[Pengwuino]

Talk to your mother first? And treat them the way you'd like to be treated. One of the things that people always do when it comes to matters like these is feel like they're smarter than the other people they're dealing with. Don't spout off "you guys are idiots, there is no God, I HATE YOU" While it may or may not be a serious issue for you, it could be an almost all-important issue to them so treat it as such.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

My parents are both religious, my dad is very hard-core, my mom not so much. What should I expect,and by the way I am 14.

Without knowing what church they attend, it is pretty tough to guess at their reaction, but I would expect that your dad especially will be worried about your immortal soul. He may well believe that this is his last chance to save his child from eternal damnation. He may also think that you are too young to make this decision for yourself. He may get very angry. He may be very afraid for you.

My mother was a devout Catholic. I dropped out of the church at about age 13, but the Catholics believe a child of 13 is an adult in the church and capable of making their own decisions in this regard, so my mother respected that.

 

[Jack21222]

My parents are both religious, my dad is very hard-core, my mom not so much. What should I expect,and by the way I am 14.

Without knowing your parents, it's impossible to tell. I was a few years older than you when I came out as an atheist (maybe 16? I can't remember), and I could tell my mother was upset with me, but she didn't yell or anything like that. Even today (I'm 28 now), my religious family members will occasionally make a snide comment about my atheism, or they'll say something religious, almost daring me to respond. My mother's side of the family is Catholic, by the way.

Lets just hope something like this doesn't happen:

WARNING: NOT SAFE FOR WORK LANGUAGE



EDIT: Removed the embedded video, because there's profanity in the title that shows up. Apologies for that.

 

[Char. Limit]

Without knowing your parents, it's impossible to tell. I was a few years older than you when I came out as an atheist (maybe 16? I can't remember), and I could tell my mother was upset with me, but she didn't yell or anything like that. Even today (I'm 28 now), my religious family members will occasionally make a snide comment about my atheism, or they'll say something religious, almost daring me to respond. My mother's side of the family is Catholic, by the way.

Lets just hope something like this doesn't happen:

WARNING: NOT SAFE FOR WORK LANGUAGE



EDIT: Removed the embedded video, because there's profanity in the title that shows up. Apologies for that.

Aaaand I think that video just turned me athiest. Thanks for posting it.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Aaaand I think that video just turned me athiest. Thanks for posting it.

Oh please, you were already an atheist if it only took a 30 second video of strangers to make up your mind. That, or your beliefs are so easily changed it boggles the mind.

 

[Char. Limit]

Oh please, you were already an atheist if it only took a 30 second video of strangers to make up your mind.

It was somewhat of a joke, but I'm not exactly Christian. I think I count as agnostic right now, so I guess I am near-athiest.

 

[lisab]

That video is really heartbreaking. I felt like grabbing that kid and hugging him, telling him it's ok. That's the mom in me, I guess. Well I'm atheist, too .

LogicalAcid, what's the reason you want to bring this up with your parents right now?

 

[Borek]

That's the mom in me

There was a mom in her as well, I suppose.

 

[Topher925]

What should I expect,and by the way I am 14.

There's no way to tell without knowing your parents. They could be very accepting and allow you to your own beliefs and values, or they could completely disown you as their child. I've seen the latter happen way to often.

Welcome to the club.

 

[turbo]

My parents are both religious, my dad is very hard-core, my mom not so much. What should I expect,and by the way I am 14.

I was about your age when I refused to keep attending church or Sunday school, though the rebellion had been building for a few years. I was raised Roman-Catholic, and there was an injuction on members to attend mass at least weekly, so it was a big deal for my mother to deal with. Still, she was my mother. I'd attend weddings and funerals, Midnight mass, etc, but regular attendance was out.

You might also want to examine your motivations and beliefs before confronting your parents. I never had the motivation to actively disavow the existence of a god (atheism), and believed that agnosticism was the best way to describe my "relationship" to a deity. Not that I have personal doubts, but that I believe that man cannot know some of the things that fascinate us.

Good luck!

 

[Evo]

The way normal atheists view atheisim is that atheists just lack belief in supernatural beings that require worship. So, I'm very comfortable with that.

Logical, good luck, the advice to be non-confrontational is good advice. I was 11 when I told my mother I no longer believed in the church and didn't want to attend mass anymore. But then my mom, although being extremely devout, was very col about things. Good luck to you.

 

[NeoDevin]

There's no way to tell without knowing your parents. They could be very accepting and allow you to your own beliefs and values, or they could completely disown you as their child. I've seen the latter happen way to often.

Or they could try to perform an exorcism.

 

[turbo]

Or they could try to perform an exorcism.

Ooh - BAD!

 

[waht]

You have no chance going up against someone like that:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3mDLsyn6ns&feature=relatedOtherwise you should be fine. Take stand for what you believe in.

 

[thorium1010]

You have no chance going up against someone like that:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3mDLsyn6ns&feature=relatedOtherwise you should be fine. Take stand for what you believe in.

Clearly, this woman requires help !

 

[Alex_Sanders]

My parents are both religious, my dad is very hard-core, my mom not so much. What should I expect,and by the way I am 14.

I'm not reading the following post yet, but I'm arbitrarily assuming you got a house of quarrel and trouble ahead.

 

[Alex_Sanders]

Any way, don't provoke your parents, how's your relationship with your dad? If it is great, then I guess everything should work out fine. If it is painful, then... boy it's going to get complicated. He would think you became an atheist not because you find religions meaningless and empty, but because you hate him and trying to upset him. I got a friend that pretty much went on this path, and hasn't got any better yet.

Just don't confront them until you are old enough if you ask me.

 

[LogicalAcid]

That video is really heartbreaking. I felt like grabbing that kid and hugging him, telling him it's ok. That's the mom in me, I guess. Well I'm atheist, too .

LogicalAcid, what's the reason you want to bring this up with your parents right now?

I feel if I don't tell her, first of all I want to be honest with my parents, because they are always honest with me. Secondly, if I don't I will be sent to a college high school and college. I want to study Chemistry and Physics, the catholic universities are very disclosed on that.

 

[LogicalAcid]

The atheism talk won't go so well.

My dad will most likely be very scared for me. He makes constant references about "I don't want you to suffer eternal damnation" and then above all,he always says he loves God more than anyone. Even me and my sister. This is the reason that I believe the confrontation would go very bad with him. My mom I told, she is agnostic as I just figured out. Then there is my friends. I would be exiled from my school, due to it being small it would spread quick. That and my relationship with the class as whole isn't very good, and I know some people would resort to physical violence, using me being atheist as an excuse. My school apparently has a ''right to discriminate" due to in being private, and I fear they might expel me if I told. My dad again may become blindly angered, he is a very strict orthodox Christian, and would without a doubt lash out in some physical way, he takes his religion above his love for me and my siblings, and he may take it not as an insult to him, but to his God. This is going to be a long arduous process.

 

[Evo]

I feel if I don't tell her, first of all I want to be honest with my parents, because they are always honest with me. Secondly, if I don't I will be sent to a college high school and college. I want to study Chemistry and Physics, the catholic universities are very disclosed on that.

You should not wait, you should broach the subject in a non-confrontational way. It might take a series of small discussions, so you should start now.

Have you ever had any conversations with them about how you feel about what you are getting/not getting from going to church? Can you tell them that it has nothing to do with them or their beliefs, it is you. Your beliefs, your desire to go into science, the schools you'd like to attend.

Let them know that you're not shutting them out but would like their support and input in *your* studies and career.

 

[chiro]

My parents are both religious, my dad is very hard-core, my mom not so much. What should I expect,and by the way I am 14.

Dude if they do not accept you're viewpoint and perspective, I would question their values and so called "religion". If they want to avoid being hypocritical and believing their religion is "what they believe in", then they should be accepting of what you believe in.

If you're parents give a **** about you, they will probably get into a conversation or maybe a debate and hear you're side of the story and appropriately respond. If they just ridicule you or go on some stupid rant about their beliefs, then it just shows how clueless and ignorant they are, but I'm afraid its a two way street: you have to listen to their point of view just like they have to listen to yours. If the effort is not bidirectional, then its not really a valid discourse.

I guess the reality is that we are all to a point strongly emotionally biased towards what we believe: its hard for anyone no matter how humble to do this because it forces you to lose your ego and create a suspension of disbelief for some period of time to for one moment, listen to what someone has to say and truly consider the possibility that what they are saying, which is in some level of contradiction to what you believe, is in fact true.

I guess to get to the point, if you and you're parents sit down and make every attempt to suspend your disbelief about whatever you have an emotional bias with, then I think it will help both of you come to see why you both believe what you believe and become more comfortable with the perspective of both of your religious views.

 

[Proton Soup]

i would be very surprised if a religious school kicked you out. rather, i'd expect them to just take more interest in you. that is, unless you just decided to go around saying blasphemies to get peoples' attention.

 

[bp_psy]

My dad will most likely be very scared for me. He makes constant references about "I don't want you to suffer eternal damnation" and then above all,he always says he loves God more than anyone. Even me and my sister. This is the reason that I believe the confrontation would go very bad with him. My mom I told, she is agnostic as I just figured out. Then there is my friends. I would be exiled from my school, due to it being small it would spread quick. That and my relationship with the class as whole isn't very good, and I know some people would resort to physical violence, using me being atheist as an excuse. My school apparently has a ''right to discriminate" due to in being private, and I fear they might expel me if I told. My dad again may become blindly angered, he is a very strict orthodox Christian, and would without a doubt lash out in some physical way, he takes his religion above his love for me and my siblings, and he may take it not as an insult to him, but to his God. This is going to be a long arduous process.

My advice is that you do not bring the subject up with your parents or at school.I can guarantee that no good will come out of it.I think you have more chances of convincing them to let you chose your high school and college if you give them some good academic reason for wanting to go there .If you tell them that you are an atheist there is the possibility that they will actually force you to go to christian school or try some other awkward method of conversion.You are 14 years old and unfortunately your parents still have complete control over you.Think what the bad consequences of you telling them that you are an atheist might be. Think what the good consequences might be. Think if there is a way to get what you want without telling them and then make your decision.

 

[VeryEvilDude]

My dad will most likely be very scared for me. He makes constant references about "I don't want you to suffer eternal damnation" and then above all,he always says he loves God more than anyone. Even me and my sister. This is the reason that I believe the confrontation would go very bad with him. My mom I told, she is agnostic as I just figured out. Then there is my friends. I would be exiled from my school, due to it being small it would spread quick. That and my relationship with the class as whole isn't very good, and I know some people would resort to physical violence, using me being atheist as an excuse. My school apparently has a ''right to discriminate" due to in being private, and I fear they might expel me if I told. My dad again may become blindly angered, he is a very strict orthodox Christian, and would without a doubt lash out in some physical way, he takes his religion above his love for me and my siblings, and he may take it not as an insult to him, but to his God. This is going to be a long arduous process.

...Wow, I don't know what to tell you buddy. For me, I was raised Jewish. I went to a Hebrew school for 2 years. For me, it was easy coming out as an atheist because most reformist movements actually accept and acknowledge atheism in their ranks(not always publicly of course). I'm not going to sugar coat it, your in a tough spot. Personally, I would get your mom on your side, she should be more than willing. As a drastic measure If your in the US as a last resort(and even most places like England) their might even be legal options that you could potentially take if the household is as abusive as it sounds. Just make sure you know the risks and consequences of your actions weather positive or negative the out come could be devastating. Your effectively describing an abusive house hold I think.

 

[hadsed]

My advice is that you do not bring the subject up with your parents or at school.I can guarantee that no good will come out of it.I think you have more chances of convincing them to let you chose your high school and college if you give them some good academic reason for wanting to go there .If you tell them that you are an atheist there is the possibility that they will actually force you to go to christian school or try some other awkward method of conversion.You are 14 years old and unfortunately your parents still have complete control over you.Think what the bad consequences of you telling them that you are an atheist might be. Think what the good consequences might be. Think if there is a way to get what you want without telling them and then make your decision.

I agree with this. My father is like yours and I haven't exactly told him, and I'm in college! I've definitely dropped some big hints, like asking the big questions and saying current answers given to me don't make sense, etc. etc. If I were to have told them when I was 14, I think I would've been out on the street or forced into some kind of private school or summer camp or something. It's frightening what these people would do. That's why I think you should just learn how to manipulate the situation to get what you want. It sounds dirty, but it's really the better alternative than just telling them now.

Then again, I don't know your parents. I just know my parents probably wouldn't have been very happy about it when I was your age, so I would never have done it.

 

[VeryEvilDude]

I think the general consensus on this site is wait till when your older to officially come out.

 

[Jack21222]

I think the general consensus on this site is wait till when your older to officially come out.

I'm not sure I agree. He can at least start the process now, like Evo said, by a series of small discussions.

 

[Max™]

There is no reason why people who love each other can't disagree completely on matters like this, I should know, I'm technically a theological noncognitivist (I used the term imaginary agnostic before I learned it had a name already, but hey) who is madly in love with a Jehovah's Witness.

We have discussions about it, she's taught me that there are good things that come with faith, I've taught her that the universe is way more awesome than she thought, but it just reinforces her belief due to a rather interesting bit of her faith she pointed out to me.

"If god wasn't smarter than I am, what kind of god would it be?"


Just be honest with them, explain why, ask questions, let them ask their own, you'll be better off not hiding it.

The thing that bugged me the most about church was how few people I met like my woman, who REALLY knew they were in the right place, and how many I met that just seemed like they were there "just in case", y'know?

 

[rootX]

Not going to church/not enjoying church does not make you atheist.

You should think well before you decide to put atheist sticker on your forehead. There is a likelihood that you not being honest to yourself i.e. don't know yourself well. I am in 20s and still don't know much about myself.

However in the end, being calling yourself religious/agnostic/atheist wouldn't affect your personality or how you live with others.

 

[Jack21222]

Not going to church/not enjoying church does not make you atheist.

You should think well before you decide to put atheist sticker on your forehead. There is a likelihood that you not being honest to yourself i.e. don't know yourself well.

How can you POSSIBLY know that it's likely he's not being honest with himself? You know practically nothing about this kid, and you've stated that the reason he thinks he's an atheist is because he "doesn't enjoy church" and you've stated that it's likely he's not being honest with himself. What makes you think you can make such judgments on so little information?

Just because you don't know yourself well doesn't mean nobody else does. I knew I was an atheist when I was 12. Peer pressure caused me to try to go back to the church when I was about 17, but that was very brief, and I've been a solid atheist ever since.

 

[bp_psy]

I'm not sure I agree. He can at least start the process now, like Evo said, by a series of small discussions.

Could you list the advantages of having your very religious parents know you are an atheist when you are 14?

 

[Evo]

Could you list the advantages of having your very religious parents know you are an atheist when you are 14?

Since his other thread where he posted that his dad is beyond just religious and possibly physically abusive, there may be nothing he can do. Contacting child welfare won't help since it has to do with religion. A terrible situation.

 

[Jack21222]

Could you list the advantages of having your very religious parents know you are an atheist when you are 14?

There's something to be said for being open and honest about who you are with your closest family members, instead of living a lie.

 

[Proton Soup]

How can you POSSIBLY know that it's likely he's not being honest with himself? You know practically nothing about this kid, and you've stated that the reason he thinks he's an atheist is because he "doesn't enjoy church" and you've stated that it's likely he's not being honest with himself. What makes you think you can make such judgments on so little information?

Just because you don't know yourself well doesn't mean nobody else does. I knew I was an atheist when I was 12. Peer pressure caused me to try to go back to the church when I was about 17, but that was very brief, and I've been a solid atheist ever since.

he's not making a judgement, he's suggesting that he keep an open mind and consider his own motivations. just because you realize you're not a republican doesn't automatically mean you're a democrat.

 

[bp_psy]

There's something to be said for being open and honest about who you are with your closest family members, instead of living a lie.

There is also something to be said about causing a lot damage to a relationship with a person that you love and respect because you have to mention something that isn't really that important.

My parents were not religious so my coming out as an atheist was not really an issue.On the other hand my grandparents are really religious.I have a very good relationship with them. I know that if I would tell them that I am an atheist their attitude towards me would change.Because I love and respect my grandparents I do not tell them I am an atheist.That does not bother me at all because there is nothing to gain by telling them.I also don't feel a need to tell them because my "atheism" is not really what defines me as a person.I was born that way.I am certainly not living a lie.

 

[Jack21222]

he's not making a judgement, he's suggesting that he keep an open mind and consider his own motivations. just because you realize you're not a republican doesn't automatically mean you're a democrat.

The opposite of Republican is "not a Republican." The opposite of a theist is "not a theist" which is the exact definition of "atheist."

What rootX did was the equivalent, in your analogy, of saying somebody isn't a Democrat when they profess "I'm a Democrat." That's especially dumb to do when you know practically nothing about the person you're talking about.

 

[Proton Soup]

The opposite of Republican is "not a Republican." The opposite of a theist is "not a theist" which is the exact definition of "atheist."

What rootX did was the equivalent, in your analogy, of saying somebody isn't a Democrat when they profess "I'm a Democrat." That's especially dumb to do when you know practically nothing about the person you're talking about.

no, you're being presumptive and reactionary in what rootX wrote. go read it again. think about it. see if it makes more sense tomorrow. it's got nothing to do with what the definition of atheism is. it's got everything to do with realizing that you don't fit in. once he gets away from his current situation, the way he thinks about himself and the world may change.

 

[rootX]

How can you POSSIBLY know that it's likely he's not being honest with himself? You know practically nothing about this kid, and you've stated that the reason he thinks he's an atheist is because he "doesn't enjoy church" and you've stated that it's likely he's not being honest with himself. What makes you think you can make such judgments on so little information?

Just because you don't know yourself well doesn't mean nobody else does. I knew I was an atheist when I was 12. Peer pressure caused me to try to go back to the church when I was about 17, but that was very brief, and I've been a solid atheist ever since.

I am not willing to argue with you. I responded to OP not to you thus it is best to leave this to OP to decide whether he finds something useful in it or not.

It's good to know that you discovered yourself at the age of 12. I guess I am bit slow

 

[Kevin_Axion]

In the words of Richard Dawkins, "Each person is an atheist to every other religion, the only difference is that atheists go one God further."

 

[Jack21222]

no, you're being presumptive and reactionary in what rootX wrote. go read it again. think about it. see if it makes more sense tomorrow. it's got nothing to do with what the definition of atheism is. it's got everything to do with realizing that you don't fit in. once he gets away from his current situation, the way he thinks about himself and the world may change.

So your big insight is that he might change his mind later? If that was the point of rootX's post, it's so elementary I don't see the point in posting it at all. Of COURSE he might change his mind later and go back to theism. I tried to briefly, too.

I still say rootX was being judgmental in assuming that the OP is *likely* not being honest with himself. Calling somebody dishonest with absolutely nothing to back it up with is a fairly serious thing to say.

 

[leroyjenkens]

Your parent's response could be anything from "We support any decision you make", to "You're out of the house".
You know them best, so you probably know best what to expect.

 

[LogicalAcid]

So your big insight is that he might change his mind later? If that was the point of rootX's post, it's so elementary I don't see the point in posting it at all. Of COURSE he might change his mind later and go back to theism. I tried to briefly, too.

I still say rootX was being judgmental in assuming that the OP is *likely* not being honest with himself. Calling somebody dishonest with absolutely nothing to back it up with is a fairly serious thing to say.

I have faced religion for a long while, it was shoved down my throat by my relatives. Only one of which was even close to agnostic. I am tired of it, I have tried to make exceptions to stay with religion. No more, I have no problem abiding by their values. I agree that we should all treat each other the way we want to be treated. Not because of God, but because we are fellow human beings.

 

[Kevin_Axion]

A great quote by Steven Weinberg is this (of course this is paraphrased): "Many people pick and choose from religion, for instance many don't follow the rules of the sabbath which involve killing those whom work on Sunday or stoning those whom commit adultery. Why is this? Over time, society has changed and many people have realized these things are wrong. So I ask, if one can have the innate moral capability of choosing what is good and bad, then what is that point of religion?" Here is the talk: . The man is, put lightly, a genius.

 

[rootX]

A great quote by Steven Weinberg is this (of course this is paraphrased): "Many people pick and choose from religion, for instance many don't follow the rules of the sabbath which involve killing those whom work on Sunday or stoning those whom commit adultery. Why is this? Over time, society has changed and many people have realized these things are wrong. So I ask, if one can have the innate moral capability of choosing what is good and bad, then what is that point of religion?" Here is the talk: . The man is, put lightly, a genius.

We do have the innate moral capability of choosing what is good and bad. However, few positive points of religions I see are providing peace of mind for people who find it peaceful when they remember god or practice faith. In addition, faith can offer comfort similar to what you would get from close friends when things go out of your hands or when you are simply looking for some comfort. I have personally seen people using religions to find comfort. I have also seen some using it as guide to stay away from immoral decisions when they face dilemma.

 

[Kevin_Axion]

That is fine, but my point still stands, humans are innately moral. So those who argue religion is the only guide to moral decision making are "completely" incorrect.

 

[VeryEvilDude]

I'm not sure I agree. He can at least start the process now, like Evo said, by a series of small discussions.

Well and in my above post I even suggested bringing it up slowly with his mom since I think he said she was agnostic.

 

[DevilsAvocado]

I’m totally and utterly stunned... I was sure OP was living in Saudi Arabia or Iran...

The United States of America in 2011??


@LogicalAcid: I can’t give any good advice, I live in a "different world" in a highly secularized society, but to me the best argument for "coming out of the closet" is your own fathers "behavior" and to make sure that your own future kids never has to deal with the problems you have right now.

But take it easy, it’s not fun to be in a "major-parent-conflict" at 14...

I don’t know, but maybe you should ask your father on his view on the second of the two greatest commandments:

One should love one's neighbour as one would love oneself​

?