The scenario of a star passing by a test body at high speed has been discussed in the literature and on the forums. I'll post a few references when I'm through making a few other points.
Part of the reason the discussion tends to go around in circles is that there isn't any way of actually measuring "gravitational force" with a local measurement. Since there isn't any agreement on how one would go about measuring the "force" (and currently people are trying to divine it's value by various non-local measurements, such as orbital precession), it's not surprising that there isn't any agreement on what it's value is.
Physics is ultimately supposed to be about things you can measure. If you start to talk about things you can't measure, the discussions generally aren't very productive.
Let's look at the question of why you can't measure the gravitational force directly with local measurements, when you can measure electrical forces.
To measure an electric field, you can compare the motion of a neutral, uncharged particle to a charged one. Their relative acceleration (measured when they're both close to each other) tells you the value of the electric field at that point. However, you can't do the same with gravity - because gravity affects everything - there isn't such a thing as a gravitationally neutral particle.
What you can actually measure, unambiguously, is the gradient of the gravitational field, otherwise known as the tidal forces. This is basically one of the components of the Riemann curvature tensor. It's occasionally called the "Electric part of the Riemann" or the "Electrogravitic Tensor" if you study the Bel decomposition.
http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Bel_decomposition&oldid=325505109
You can unambiguously both measure and compute this tensor quantity - and it's got a perfectly fine Newtonian analogue, the "tidal tensor".
http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Tidal_tensor&oldid=332450104
It's a matrix (a rank 2 tensor) rather than a force, however. You mulitply the tidal tensor by the displacement vector - the result is another vector, the relative acceleration.
Unsurprisingly, it's also related to what you'd experience. If you were on the Earth, and a relativistic black hole flew by, you would not actually directly feel the black hole's gravity - anymore than you directly feel the sun's gravity. What you would feel would be the tidal effects. Those would be what you could actually measure (and what you feel from the sun, and the moon).
There's one other thing you could measure - the residual motion of the Earth (or in general test bodies) after the black hole had passed through. This is discussed in http://ajp.aapt.org/resource/1/ajpias/v53/i7/p661_s1?isAuthorized=no , "Measuring the active gravitational mass of a moving object"
(Unfortunately you need a subscription to see it).
Going back to tidal forces:
In the ultra-reltavistic limit, published results include
http://arxiv.org/abs/gr-qc/0110032, the key words to look up for a literature search are Aichelburg-Sexl boost.
For the case of a boosted Schwarzschild metric (i.e. a black hole at an arbitrary velocity), I've done some calculations in the past for the tidal forces (though as far as I know nobody has verified them).
https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=83157&page=1
Basically, the results for the tidal force in the r direction are:
\frac{2GM}{r^3} \left( \frac{1 - \frac{\beta^2}{2}}{1-\beta^2} \right)
This is the radial stretching tidal force, Newtons / meter, in the "r" direction.
This should be compared to the Newtonian value -2GM/r^3 - which is also the value seen by a stationary Schwarzschild observer.
Note: it's best to actually boost the 4x4 Riemann, though it's a pain to calculate. Early attempts took a shortcut via the geodesic equation that didn't work as expected, because the basis vectors were not in the end the basis vectors of the moving observer.
You can integrate the above to get a "force", but beware, there's no guarantee that it will be path indepedent).
If a candidate for gravitational "force" does not predict the correct tidal effects, given that the tidal effects are what we can actually measure, I would remark that it's not a good idea to rely on said expression for "force" overmuch - even if it does give you the correct value for, say, orbital precession.