Is Introversion Genetic or Learned? Seeking Advice on Social Interaction

[jd12345]

This is a psychological, biological and a partly rhetorical question. Also I am seeking some advice. So I don't know the appropriate topic to post under.

Are personality traits caused by environment and bringing up or are they genetic? What part of the brain causes different people to behave differently(talking about introversion and extroversion)?

Also lately many people have told me talk more, interact more and be more social. I find myself completely normal having read about introversion including Susan Cain's TEDtalk on introverts. So should I try to change myself?

 

[DiracPool]

Before proceeding, I would suggest taking the personality test so we can get a more objective measure of your condition here...

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=531612&highlight=personality+test

Please check back with the score. While you are there, you can check out my score

 

[zoobyshoe]

You are an introvert because you live in a country where most other people were born more extroverted than you.

In Finnland you might seem like a dangerously outspoken and loud person.

 

[collinsmark]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4

 

[jd12345]

Before proceeding, I would suggest taking the personality test so we can get a more objective measure of your condition here...

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=531612&highlight=personality+test

Please check back with the score. While you are there, you can check out my score

Well I scored an INTJ. Majority people here voted for that - perhaps something to do with this being a 'Science and math' forum.

So what decides personality - people around you, genetics, both or something else?
And should I even try to change myself?

 

[Monique]

So what decides personality - people around you, genetics, both or something else?

It's both, there's definitely a genetic component, but environment plays a big role as well.

And should I even try to change myself?

Question also is, can you change yourself? Of course you can try to find a middle ground, you could try to be more open to interaction.

 

[lisab]

Well I scored an INTJ. Majority people here voted for that - perhaps something to do with this being a 'Science and math' forum.

So what decides personality - people around you, genetics, both or something else?
And should I even try to change myself?

My husband is an introvert who has learned how to interact with people the way an extrovert does. It can be learned. But, IMO, temperament is something that you are born with and it can't be changed.

 

[Yanick]

From my own experiences, it never changes. You can get more comfortable doing it by practicing though. Its actually pretty easy practice really, just strike up conversations with people and do the "small talk" thing. When you're buying some random thing at the grocery store, ask the guy if he's been busy or not. When you're in an elevator with another person say something about the weather. If you're standing in line at the DMV or bank lean over to the person next to you and mention how waiting on these long lines sucks. Don't worry about trying to keep up a meaningful and deep conversation, just get yourself speaking to people for practice. If the conversation is only two sentences long ("boy nice weather huh?"..."Yeah its beautiful out.") that's fine. With time you'll become more comfortable with it and you'd be surprised the kinds of people you can meet and the interesting stories you will hear.

The introverted-ness does not really go away though (from my experience). I doubt anyone really knows how introverted I truly am but it is still a conscious effort for me, almost like straining physically. I imagine truly extroverted people do it so naturally that they don't even notice what they are doing. In my imagination I picture a situation almost like you're mom/grandma/wife asking you to open a jar of pickles while you are busy. You just grab the thing, twist it and hand it back without any thought whereas your they may have been trying to turn it for the last 5 minutes turning blue in the face.

On that note it really depends on what level you truly sit. Just being kind of shy and quiet is not really a big deal, but if you are shy and quiet to the point where you never want to speak to anyone ever ever; that can be a big deal. In the real world we need to be able to communicate with people, whether for work/school or just daily living. If you are so shy that you become nearly incapacitated with the thought of talking to a strange about some project at work or school, then you really need to step out of your comfort zone and get to talking to people. It may sound silly but I've known extremely introverted people who were afraid of ordering take-out on the phone, or asking a sales associate in a store where to a find a particular item. That type of shyness is debilitating and needs to be remedied ASAP.

 

[S_Happens]

It can certainly change, although it's not likely by choice. More detailed tests can show how well an individual can adapt to different/opposing traits, and how much stress is involved in deviating from the natural traits. Major changes in a persons life can have large impacts, including personality.

My experience directly relates to the topic. In high school and through my first time in college I was highly extroverted. My tests scores were almost completely extroverted and my actual life agreed. After not completing college, going to work, and working towards going back to college again I've moved significantly more introverted. After returning to school, in simple tests such as those above I am within 1 of the divide and end up with an X.

 

[lisab]

From my own experiences, it never changes. You can get more comfortable doing it by practicing though. Its actually pretty easy practice really, just strike up conversations with people and do the "small talk" thing. When you're buying some random thing at the grocery store, ask the guy if he's been busy or not. When you're in an elevator with another person say something about the weather. If you're standing in line at the DMV or bank lean over to the person next to you and mention how waiting on these long lines sucks. Don't worry about trying to keep up a meaningful and deep conversation, just get yourself speaking to people for practice. If the conversation is only two sentences long ("boy nice weather huh?"..."Yeah its beautiful out.") that's fine. With time you'll become more comfortable with it and you'd be surprised the kinds of people you can meet and the interesting stories you will hear.

The introverted-ness does not really go away though (from my experience). I doubt anyone really knows how introverted I truly am but it is still a conscious effort for me, almost like straining physically. I imagine truly extroverted people do it so naturally that they don't even notice what they are doing. In my imagination I picture a situation almost like you're mom/grandma/wife asking you to open a jar of pickles while you are busy. You just grab the thing, twist it and hand it back without any thought whereas your they may have been trying to turn it for the last 5 minutes turning blue in the face.

On that note it really depends on what level you truly sit. Just being kind of shy and quiet is not really a big deal, but if you are shy and quiet to the point where you never want to speak to anyone ever ever; that can be a big deal. In the real world we need to be able to communicate with people, whether for work/school or just daily living. If you are so shy that you become nearly incapacitated with the thought of talking to a strange about some project at work or school, then you really need to step out of your comfort zone and get to talking to people. It may sound silly but I've known extremely introverted people who were afraid of ordering take-out on the phone, or asking a sales associate in a store where to a find a particular item. That type of shyness is debilitating and needs to be remedied ASAP.

Don't confuse "introversion" with "shyness" -- they are fundamentally different.

 

[bp_psy]

Also lately many people have told me ...

If you are such an introvert why are there so many people talking to you?

 

[Yanick]

Don't confuse "introversion" with "shyness" -- they are fundamentally different.

I know, you are right, but I wasn't trying to give a rigorous treatise into Psychology (I couldn't even if I wanted to). I get the difference (fear versus voluntary avoidance) but I also know that social interaction takes practice. So avoidance of social interaction, for whatever reason, can be simply remedied by practicing it. I was shy but am still an introvert. Big social functions kind of drain me but I don't think many people would describe me as being particularly shy or quiet.

My final paragraph is more to do with shyness versus introverted-ness. I've known lots of people who claimed they were introverts but were actually just shy. Main point being that being an introvert is not really a big deal but being shy can really mess you up pretty bad. Its the latter case that needs to be remedied ASAP.

 

[consciousness]

I don't understand why such a big fuss made over a person simply because he/she speaks less. In fact many people feel insulted if someone doesn't hold a long conversation with them or doesn't reply to the joke they emailed. More often than not the introvert feels the pressure and tries to go against his/her nature.

Why can't people understand that contrary to what their silence might suggest, introverts are sensitive and caring?

Only the dumb envy the talkative. - Kahlil Gibran

 

[WannabeNewton]

This sums me up perfectly:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XU5iqrhwW0

:)

 

[CompuChip]

"We still never talk sometimes" :D

 

[DiracPool]

This sums me up perfectly:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XU5iqrhwW0

:)

Hmm, is that a picture of you in your new avatar image? I can't see past the enigmatic "Vanishing Point Perspective" you're portraying there...

http://photoinf.com/General/NAVY/Perspective.htm

And I turned the contrast and brightness up full blast.

 

[WannabeNewton]

Hmm, is that a picture of you in your new avatar image? I can't see past the enigmatic "Vanishing Point Perspective" you're portraying there...

http://photoinf.com/General/NAVY/Perspective.htm

And I turned the contrast and brightness up full blast.

Well you know...art n stuff :p

 

[DiracPool]

Well you know...art n stuff :p

Yes, I think you look sexy enough to have a real life and a real family, just don't talk about the physics around the girls,(unless that's what they want to talk about), because otherwise that's inviting disaster.

 

[WannabeNewton]

Yes, I think you look sexy enough to have a real life and a real family, just don't talk about the physics around the girls,(unless that's what they want to talk about), because otherwise that's inviting disaster.

I don't talk to people much; I find it hard to stay interested in whatever it is they have to say. Did you see my result on that personality test page? 89% introvert lol

 

[DiracPool]

I don't talk to people much; I find it hard to stay interested in whatever it is they have to say. Did you see my result on that personality test page? 89% introvert lol

Well, that doesn't excuse you from posting a timely picture of you. I wish were 18 again, I was getting all sorts of action back then. Not so much now.

 

[jd12345]

I don't understand why such a big fuss made over a person simply because he/she speaks less. In fact many people feel insulted if someone doesn't hold a long conversation with them or doesn't reply to the joke they emailed. More often than not the introvert feels the pressure and tries to go against his/her nature.

Why can't people understand that contrary to what their silence might suggest, introverts are sensitive and caring?

Only the dumb envy the talkative. - Kahlil Gibran

The trouble is - because I speak less I am not able to convey my feelings to others.
I am not comfortable share my feelings towards the other person. I think too much before saying anything. I don't know if this is shyness or introvertedness.

I require a certain level of intimacy before I am comfortable speaking out my mind. When I am close enough I am pretty normal. I know I am an emotional and caring person but few people are able to see that because I speak less.

 

[DiracPool]

The trouble is - because I speak less I am not able to convey my feelings to others.
I am not comfortable share my feelings towards the other person. I think too much before saying anything. I don't know if this is shyness or introvertedness.

I require a certain level of intimacy before I am comfortable speaking out my mind. When I am close enough I am pretty normal. I know I am an emotional and caring person but few people are able to see that because I speak less.

Take it from a fellow shy-guy. Quit your belly-aching and jump into the gene pool. I can tell you right now that I'd rather be talked out by you and wbn than anybody I typically meet at a party. So, DP's prescription is to go out and be obnoxious and vociferous with your intellect. Hopefully, you will find people that are put off by your arrogance. I think you're going to find that it all get's pretty boring pretty fast, but that's the best way to burst out of your bubble.

 

[jd12345]

Take it from a fellow shy-guy. Quit your belly-aching and jump into the gene pool. I can tell you right now that I'd rather be talked out by you and wbn than anybody I typically meet at a party. So, DP's prescription is to go out and be obnoxious and vociferous with your intellect. Hopefully, you will find people that are put off by your arrogance. I think you're going to find that it all get's pretty boring pretty fast, but that's the best way to burst out of your bubble.

There is a conflict going out in my mind.
If I just go out and start talking, I am doing something that is unnatural to my personality. Why should I do something that I don't spontaneously do?

 

[Monique]

There are a lot of things that people don't naturally do, such as getting out of bed at 6 am or clean the windows. In life one has to adapt.

 

[DiracPool]

There is a conflict going out in my mind.
If I just go out and start talking, I am doing something that is unnatural to my personality. Why should I do something that I don't spontaneously do?

That's the whole point, get it? Listen to Monique.

 

[Yanick]

There is a conflict going out in my mind.
If I just go out and start talking, I am doing something that is unnatural to my personality. Why should I do something that I don't spontaneously do?

Ummm because either a) you'd like to build some(more) relationships with people and/or b) you are actually shy and this may have a huge negative impact on your life.

I mean you are the one who posted this topic, clearly there is something you're not completely satisfied with.

Its not necessary, in my opinion, to actually go out with the sole purpose of speaking to people (though I'd imagine it is helpful). It can mostly be practiced during your day to day activities. The thing is, I've never really made a friend by having a deep and emotionally charged conversation from the get go. Nor have I met a girl by such methods. The first stage of meeting anyone new is more or less general small talk with a bit of getting to know each other (nice weather, where you from, what do you do, how about them Yankees etc). You start to notice, after enough practice, that it tends to all be more or less the same in the beginning.

As far as I know, getting all deep and emotional with someone who you just barely know is not really socially acceptable. I'd be weirded out if someone who I met in class and maybe am having lunch with during a break, starts to pour their heart out to me. Then again I'm always told that I'm a cold hearted Russian who never talks about his feelings, so take all that with ~0.08mg of NaCl.

 

[DiracPool]

Then again I'm always told that I'm a cold hearted Russian who never talks about his feelings, so take all that with ~0.08mg of NaCl.

Yes, cold hearted. What is it with you Russians? All business

 

[jim hardy]

There is a conflict going out in my mind.
If I just go out and start talking, I am doing something that is unnatural to my personality. Why should I do something that I don't spontaneously do?

One can never know what's in another person's mind, one can only assume he is like ourself.

Take this from an old guy who was extremely introverted and shy until my 50's, and still am more so than 'normal' people.
My theme songs as a teenager were :
"Only the Lonely" roy orbison
"Great Pretender" platters
As i said i was in my 50's before shedding my shell. It was like Peer Gynt's onion - many layers deep.
I hope that you are healthier than i was.

Reading all your posts, you have not come out and said whether you want to be less introverted or shy.
But #5 hints that all is perhaps not as you would like it.
The way i read #21 hints at possible inner feeling of loneliness, and some protective emotional barriers.
#23 sounds to me like you're considering taking the risk of opening up a little.

The best thing i ever did for my shyness was to take a public speaking course. That was in my late 30's.
I took one of those that's psychologically programmed to get you out of your shell.
There are lots of them around nowadays but back then Dale Carnegie dominated that market.
What was most amazing was to see the personality changes in my classmates. I noticed an improvement in my own confidence and some classmates commented on it too.
Some years later i took a public speaking night course at a community college and noticed further improvement.

So you asked in post 23:

Why should I do something that I don't spontaneously do?

and the three following posts all gave good advice, i thought.

So here's my two cents:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

If you're not happy with how you're feeling, you have to change how you're acting.

Now i may be totally wrong about you, but i think from 'reading between the lines' that you want to become more outgoing.
I will state from my own experience that the fastest route i know of is a public speaking course.
A good instructor will teach that the secret to success at that lies in speaking openly and from your heart, and only about subjects on which you have "earned the right" to speak.
There are some fairly mechanical techniques to learn: posture, breathing, gestures, eye contact and the like...

Dale Carnegie got his start teaching night courses in speaking at a public school where he noticed profound personality changes in his shy students.
I would suggest that, if i have read you right, you might look into one of those for yourself.

At least you'll be surrounded by other people trying to better themselves and that's a whole lot healthier than the singles bar scene.

If I'm way off base or out of bounds here please advise and i'll delete.
also i'll click report on myself so mentor can have a look.
See, i never quite got over that insecurity. But years ago i could not have been this open.

That's what's in my mind. "Progress not perfection" .

old jim, a recovering introvert

 

[DiracPool]

Nice confessional Jim. Dale Carnegie, huh, you are dating yourself there. Lol. I have exactly the opposite problem, you can't shut me up. I think its from moving around a lot to new schools when I was a kid and being an only child. You have no other option other than to be the obnoxious class clown.

Although, it is always unnerving walking into a new cafeteria at a new school when you're 13 years old and don't know anybody

 

[micromass]

I don't get why people think that being introvert is a bad thing that needs to be changed. Sure thing, if you're shy and scared to talk to others, then that's not good. But that's not what being introverted is. Introverts prefer solitary activities over social ones, whereas shy people (who may be extroverts at heart) avoid social encounters out of fear. It's a big difference.