Is It Normal to Be 18 and Never Had a Girlfriend?

[Edin_Dzeko]

Yes. Welcome to growing up.

davey_rocket is correct on all points.

How do you think they will learn what is meaningful from what is fluff if they do not experience it? It is in the context of all this silly game-playing that they build their character - who they are - and who they are not. If they never experience it, they will never recognize it later in life.

Do you also think kittens playing at stalk-and-pounce with a bug are wasting their time, learning nothing?

You don't understand where I'm coming from so let's just drop this.

 

[k19r14s15]

hay my friend i know how you feel iam 42 years and i don't have a. gf ether it's hard when good looking ladys. look at you strange i have been trying to talk to women. for a long time maybe it's me or what ever it is they just don't get but keep trying something will happen soon

 

[blade123]

To the OP: don't follow the advice "DO NOT FLIRT". Instead, learn how to flirt. Here's a tip: less is more. Be subtle.
The advice "IGNORE ALL DATING ADVICE!" is dating advice, so the only way to follow it is to ignore it. You should be skeptical about most dating advice however, since there really is a lot of bad advice out there.

Subtle? My god that's the worst thing you can do. People are stupid. It's much more effective to tell someone straight up "I like you, maybe we should hang out". Subtle? No one picks up on subtlety. Be open and honest. Expecting someone to pick up your intentions without actually telling them your intentions is asinine.

And I was trying to be ironic. I meant ignore all "dress this way" "act this way" "say this". Yes I am giving advice, but it was more a joke. I guess I'm not funny.

Just be yourself, and be honest. If you like a girl, tell her. If she says she's interested, you just cut out a lot of games and got right to the point. If she says she's not interested, you just saved a ton of time and heartache.

My god, subtlety? I have never once seen subtlety work, ever. I've seen being open and honest work many many many times.

 

[Cuauhtemoc]

I don't think just waiting for it to happen is the best approach, you got try.
You need to surpass your shyness and ask some girls out.
That's the only way of truly knowing people, first sight love is for movies.
With most of them it will not work out, but in the end you may find somebody you like and likes you back.

Flirting is part of the game, but it's not everything, you got to be open sometimes.

 

[daveyrocket]

Subtle? My god that's the worst thing you can do. People are stupid. It's much more effective to tell someone straight up "I like you, maybe we should hang out". Subtle? No one picks up on subtlety. Be open and honest. Expecting someone to pick up your intentions without actually telling them your intentions is asinine.

And I was trying to be ironic. I meant ignore all "dress this way" "act this way" "say this". Yes I am giving advice, but it was more a joke. I guess I'm not funny.

Just be yourself, and be honest. If you like a girl, tell her. If she says she's interested, you just cut out a lot of games and got right to the point. If she says she's not interested, you just saved a ton of time and heartache.

My god, subtlety? I have never once seen subtlety work, ever. I've seen being open and honest work many many many times.

Well, I kind of wondered if "ignore all dating advice" was a facetious. But I don't see much humor besides it is in itself dating advice. I'm not sure if I agree with what you meant, either. Well it depends, if it's overly specific like you must say this line to talk to women, then I agree. But if someone gives advice like, wear clean clothes, show some sense of style, clean under your fingernails, shower reasonably often and tame your facial hair, then yeah I think it's good advice. It's not going to make a huge difference either way though.

Re: flirting. Most women have a pretty keen sense when it comes to detecting subtle flirting. And they use subtlety all the time (have you ever been talking to a woman and noticed that she found some way to mention that she has a boyfriend in the conversation? That's her subtly letting you that she's not interested.)

Flirting isn't about communicating intentions, it's about hinting at them. Women love a sense of mystery, and flirting helps to create it. It also gives you a means of testing the water by seeing if flirtatious behavior is returned (although keep in mind a lack of response isn't necessarily the same thing as a negative response). You seem to think that flirting should never be done because it's impossible for it to work. And that's just not true, because I've seen it work and I've had it work for me. But it is something that takes some skill and practice. If it hasn't worked for you, maybe you gave up on it too quickly.

Openness and honesty is good, but too much openness is a bad thing. If you walk up to girls and say "hi, I'd like to sleep with you" your success rate is going to be pretty low, even if you're being completely honest. You can say "I'd like to take you out on a date" but even that is more than you really need to be.

 

[Galteeth]

1. Get in shape.

2. Try going for girls a couple years younger then you.

3. Don't turn down a girl just because you think it won't lead to anything serious. You never know.

4. Talk to as many girls as possible.

 

[khemist]

2. Try going for girls a couple years younger then you.

Worst advice in this thread, sorry.

Go for any age. Though I have found the older women are more exciting.

 

[Galteeth]

Worst advice in this thread, sorry.

Go for any age. Though I have found the older women are more exciting.

Of course. But as I remember, most senior girls in high school were going out with college guys. And most freshman girls in college are dating upper class men.

 

[Gamble93]

I know how you feel. I'm your age and I've only ever had one serious relationship. In retrospect it was a waste of time because we were still in high school and she was immature. Just hold out. You'll find someone.

 

[DaveC426913]

How is a serious relationship - even one in high school - a "waste of time"? Did you spend your entire relationship playing cribbage?

 

[Hobin]

How is a serious relationship - even one in high school - a "waste of time"? Did you spend your entire relationship playing cribbage?

Are you suggesting that cribbage is a waste of time? ;)

 

[Gamble93]

I see your point DaveC. Perhaps I should have said, "What I thought was a serious relationship". I spent most of the relationship infatuated with her and spending all my money on her only to realize towards the end that she was extremely immature and was using me. Hope that clarifies.

 

[khemist]

I see your point DaveC. Perhaps I should have said, "What I thought was a serious relationship". I spent most of the relationship infatuated with her and spending all my money on her only to realize towards the end that she was extremely immature and was using me. Hope that clarifies.

At least you learned something.

Its good to have those failed relationships in high school, so that when one gets out into the real world one has a better idea of what to do and what not to do.

 

[I like Serena]

I see your point DaveC. Perhaps I should have said, "What I thought was a serious relationship". I spent most of the relationship infatuated with her and spending all my money on her only to realize towards the end that she was extremely immature and was using me. Hope that clarifies.

Is it so bad to be infatuated?
To be with someone that makes you feel good, even though it costs you some money?
In time she obviously didn't make you feel so good any more, and then you broke it off.
No real harm done.
You had a good time and you have gained some experience.
It would be worse if you had kids for instance!

 

[Gamble93]

Nothing is wrong with infatuation. Haha. :) I did enjoy myself. I guess I'm just bitter and cynical because our break up was rather rocky. And yes, I am very glad that we never had kids, though she did try to persuade me at one point. Either way, I'm sure the OP will find someone.

 

[DaveC426913]

Is it so bad to be infatuated?
To be with someone that makes you feel good, even though it costs you some money?

Yes, if she was in the relationship under false pretenses.

 

[I like Serena]

Yes, if she was in the relationship under false pretenses.

Interesting statement.
As it is, I have a strong dislike for dishonest people who end up hurting people.
I can imagine that when found out, it would be very dispiriting, leading to distrust in future relationships.

Somehow I think you have more to say about it.
Could you elaborate?

 

[DaveC426913]

Interesting statement.
As it is, I have a strong dislike for dishonest people who end up hurting people.
I can imagine that when found out, it would be very dispiriting, leading to distrust in future relationships.

Somehow I think you have more to say about it.
Could you elaborate?

No, I was simply picking up on Gamble's post where he said "What I thought was a serious relationship. "
You wondered what's bad about infatuation, and spending money, but that assumes he was aware of it. To me, it sounds like he was being taken for a ride. So yes it's bad.

 

[kalakoi]

Im 21 and I've been in 2 relationships!I have very few girls in my college and i want to meet someone new!
Any advice?

 

[mathwonk]

to OP: you have a great future ahead of you!

 

[Lavabug]

OP: It could be worse. I'm 24 and have never had a girlfriend, no biggie. I've spent way too many years obsessing over that, huge source of embarrassment, but its not worth it. Formerly a self-esteem problem(which culminated with 2-3 years of borderline unhealthy work-out habits), I'm the culprit because I'd much rather remain single than have single girl I know. I have become a bit picky which doesn't help, but I'll be damned if I have to share my time with someone who is boring just for the sake of some female company.

I know how infatuations feel, but in time you'll barely be remembering said person's name after you get rejected, so please do NOT let the emotions get to you. Employ all your efforts to your (healthy) hobbies, academics, etc. and avoid absolutely ALL dating advice or pickup lines, save yourself the embarrassment!

 

[daveyrocket]

You should amend that last one to be "avoid absolutely all dating advice from people who have never had a girlfriend."

 

[anthrosoc]

Another pitiful thread, but I'll go ahead and mention this.

I'm 18, turning 19 soon...and I have been single so far! To be honest, I've never been in any particular rush to have a girlfriend.

I'm somewhat of a spontaneous person, waiting for love to simply happen. I don't go and pursue it, although it seems I may have to now...

Am I doomed?

just focus on Jesus and things will fall into place.

 

[DaveC426913]

just focus on Jesus and things will fall into place.

Well, Jesus was a guy... and Lavabug has stated he likes girls ... so I'm sayin' this is contraindicated...

 

[daveyrocket]

Yeah, that would be kind of gay. And you know how Jesus feels about the gays.