Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

When asked if I plan to marry again, I say heck no! It would be easier to just find someone I don't like and give her my house.Where is my boo button...?

I assume you refer to the one with 50 cents? 50' was hungry, 58; Fifty ate.

 

[WWGD]

When asked if I plan to marry again, I say heck no! It would be easier to just find someone I don't like and give her my house.Where is my boo button...?

Believe it or not ( don't) , 50 Cents sued another rapper named 'Two Quarters' for stealing his name.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Believe it or not ( don't) , 50 Cents sued another rapper named 'Two Quarters' for stealing his name.

Well my name is 4 Bits and I'm suing both of them!

 

[Keith_McClary]

4 Bits

Nibble may sue you first.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Nibble may sue you first.

Do you mean Sue may nibble me first?

 

[jack action]

This feeling when you smell your steak on the BBQ and your mouth begins to water.

I wonder if vegetarians have the same feeling when they mow the lawn?

 

[jack action]

 

[mfb]

The new light bulb also comes with 10 other dependencies that you need to compile first, two of them need to be downloaded from some obscure 2005 website.

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 286590​

Two of those gags are hilarious. But the one on my favourite operating system is a tired old saw that might have been true in the 1990s but people should just get past now.

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

"What's your name?"
"P...P...Pe...P...Pe...Pe...Peter!"
"That's too long. I'll just call you Peter."

 

[berkeman]

"What's your name?"
"P...P...Pe...P...Pe...Pe...Peter!"
"That's too long. I'll just call you Peter."

And from the movie "Time Bandits"...

Kevin : I'd like to stay.

Robin Hood : Jolly good! What's your name?

Kevin : Ke...

[Is pulled away by Randall]

Robin Hood : Ke? What a jolly nice name. Well never mind, cheerio! Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you very, very, very much.

[Under his breath]

Robin Hood : Awful people.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081633/characters/nm0000092

 

[phinds]

What if UFOs are just Billionaires from other planets?

 

[fresh_42]

What if UFOs are just Billionaires from other planets?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

What if UFOs are just Billionaires from other planets?

People have noted the word "TESLA" on the Tic Tac UFOs

 

[russ_watters]

This feeling when you smell your steak on the BBQ and your mouth begins to water.

I wonder if vegetarians have the same feeling when they mow the lawn?

This made me think about what it means to give someone flowers...because I care so much I want to decapitate/kill something beautiful for them.

 

[Vanadium 50]

This made me think about what it means to give someone flowers

You mean the severed sex organs of plants?

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Hamiltonian]

 

[DennisN]

We've had a heatwave going on here for a while. Hopefully it ends soon.

 

[DennisN]

What if UFOs are just Billionaires from other planets?

Speaking of...

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

I think it's clever that this little rover reported on by the BBC can pick up cigarette butts but what I REALLY find amazing is that it can pick up other science news. How does it DO that?

 

[phinds]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Keith_McClary]

Thursday, July 29, 2021​

 

[mfb]

Add a "Please clean up before your owner" sign at the bottom.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Back when the Boy Scouts were still an American tradition, way back when I was a kid, we scouts had huge events call Jamborees. This is where up to hundreds of troops from all over the State, or even from all over the country, would gather and set up camp for a few days to a week, to take part is a wide range of scouting events.

There were two grand traditions for new scouts. I experienced the first when told that our troop was in short supply of bacon, so I should go around and ask other troops if they have a bacon stretcher. This was used to stretch the bacon so that one piece could be made into two. Much to the surprise of my Scoutmaster, the first place I checked had a bacon stretcher, which I promptly took back to our camp. But everyone was acting weird about it. For some reason they were all snickering.

I don't think I realized that there is no such a thing as a bacon stretcher until the next day.

The other tradition to which I never did fall victim was the snipe hunt. Snipes are mysterious critters that can be seen in the trees at night if you flash your lights at them. We would send out the new Scouts to hunt for snipes in the forest at night.

 

[phinds]

This is where up to hundreds of troops from all over the State, or even from all over the country ...

Or even from all over the world (the International Jamboree)

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

And we are only just another any meal.

 

[WWGD]

And we are only just another any meal.

Or another brick in the wough ( which is the way ' wall' sounded to me in the song).

 

[fresh_42]

Or another brick in the wough ( which is the way ' wall' sounded to me in the song).

Have you ever hears "horse" in English? To me, it sounds more like "hose".

I have recently recognized that I do not like any dialects if their melody goes up at the end of the sentence. The German ones included.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[256bits]

I don't think I realized that there is no such a thing as a bacon stretcher until the next day.

Well there should be such a thing.
Great project for third year mechanical engineers.

 

[jack action]