How can I handle a difficult person in my social circle?

[Mattius_]

Anyone in here have an enemy? My enemy is someone who hangs out with many of my friends, and that is what makes it even worse. He purposefully gets on my nerves at times, and says not enough for me to threaten him and just enough to really get me pissed. He is very good at what he does. When I do end up threatening him, people say its uncalled for, and I am then the guilty one. He always starts these arguments, and I never ask for them. I told him to get off his ass tonight and fight me but he wouldnt, he just kept laughing at me and its in my good friends house so I can't start anything in there. My good friends don't put a stop to it at all either, they just sit their and listen to him talk to me like that.

So I have come to a crossroads, I love the activities we do when I am there with friends, but I hate this guy. Ill probably have to give up what I've been doing with my friends just so I don't have to deal with him, because it seems there is no other way to deal with it.

But I have the taste of revenge in my mouth, and Id like to get him good.

Any advice on this situation? Tell me honestly, is revenge sweet or am I just wasting my time?

What did you do when you had your enemy?

 

[Adam]

In front of your "enemy", talk to your friends. Tell them to keep their mouths shut and listen without interrupting. Explain the matter. Explain that the guy's deliberate baiting is simply his way of boosting his own ego at the expense of someone else, probably due to some self-esteem problems. Then tell them they can either clamp down on the idiot, put a stop to it, or they can choose to invite you over only when the idiot is not there.

If that doesn't work, sacrifice his pets to the dark lord Magoobajoogle.

 

[Mattius_]

I did just that tonight, (the talk thing, not the pet thing) and they are evasive of conflict. They are very nice people but they really did not nor do ever (this has been a long conflict) look for a long term solution. They only look for what ends the problem at the moment. They assume that it will eventually all just blow over, which it never has. They have expressed to me on the side that I am right and he is antagonistic but they never say it to his face because they choose to avoid conflict.

So yes, I could walk away from this all but if I do ill have a sour taste in my mouth, because he has not been taught a lesson, I hate sour tastes.

Id consider slashing his tires in anononymity, and althought that is tempting, I don't want to get into that kinda trouble because I would be an easy suspect... This whole situation just gets my blood boiling...

Oh, and the thing is, I can't choose to hang out with them at certain times when he isn't there, because he is roommates with one of the good friends I was talking about, so yea, it is quite the pickle.

 

[JohnDubYa]

Hang out with someone else. If your friends ask, tell them that you like doing **** with them, but the one guy gets under your skin and you simply don't want to be around him; that if they want to come over they can, as long as he isn't with them.

 

[check]

Next time he starts annoying you, just ask him why he's always being an ******* to you. If he offers you no good explanation, and your friends don't really seem to care, then drop your friends and find new people. If it's seriously him who's always starting stuff with you for no reason and your friends pretend that they don't notice or don't back you up, then there's something wrong with them too.

 

[mooberrymarz]

What exactly does he do that gets you soo ticked off.?

 

[marlon]

having ennemies is a good thing, trust me. They keep you sharp-minded and on the edge to some extent.

regards
marlon

 

[MillerTime111]

Any person who decides in a serious discussion to bring up god to argue a point. I hate when people do that.

It's wrong because god says it's wrong. Since when can you use a false idol to prove a point?

 

[pace]

I never believed in making enemies.

 

[meteor]

What did you do when you had your enemy?

I recommend you that you do some kind of exercises (biceps, musculation) in some gym. Then you can beat him up if he shows again this attitude

 

[Moonbear]

Without being there, it's impossible to really know how the exchange occurs to have a sense if this guy is really baiting you or if you just have very different (or maybe too similar) of personalities that you just rub each other the wrong way unintentionally. That your friends say your reactions to him are uncalled for suggests it may be the latter.

Beating someone up because you don't like them is childish. Sure, lots of boys in the schoolyard do this, but it never really solves anything. I take it you are a young man and wish to appear as one. If you want to appear the adult rather than the child in this situation, just ignore his "baiting." If he just has a lousy personality and gets on your nerves unintentionally, then it's not worth the energy to fight him for that. If he is doing it intentionally, and you just don't take the bait, keep your mouth shut and continue the conversation you were already in the middle of, then it will become more and more obvious to your other friends who is the one acting immaturely there.

The other suggestion of just not hanging out with that particular group of people is a good one. If you know you don't like this person, and there can be a lot of reasons two people just don't want to be around each other, then don't put yourself in situations where you have to be around him. If your other friends ask, just tell them that you'll gladly do stuff with them if he's not around, but he just rubs you the wrong way, it could be you, it could be him, but you'd just prefer to avoid him. In the meantime, expand your social group and find more people who you enjoy spending time with.

There's another very practical reason not to let this escalate. If you take a verbal argument to a physical level, you're on the hook for assault charges! So, think about it when you are tempted to fight someone...are they really worth the trip to jail? Never, never, never throw the first punch (hmm...that should have gone in the fatherly advice thread too...Dad taught me that). I'm not saying just stand there and not defend yourself if someone else hits you, if they throw the first punch, go ahead and mop up the floor with them, but don't you be the one foolish enough to throw the first punch.

 

[Prometheus]

Without being there, it's impossible to really know how the exchange

There are several good pieces of advice here. Moonbear has an excellent response. I recommend against physical violence, or some form of revenge that may feel good at the time but which you will regret later.

I recommend facing him, but not letting him get to you, or ignoring him and telling your friends. If you want revenge, then it is clear that he is "winning", if he is truly attempting to bait you. Are you sure? You might ask him.

You might consider the way in which he is bothering you, and find a verbal way to respond to him that will make you feel better. If you feelings of wanting revenge get you closer to action, then you are better off walking away from the environment, in my opinion.

 

[BobG]

Id consider slashing his tires in anononymity, and althought that is tempting, I don't want to get into that kinda trouble because I would be an easy suspect... This whole situation just gets my blood boiling...

I agree Moonbear's response is best.

But, being deviously mean hearted, I could suggest a more amusing alternative than slashing his tires.

Buy a locking gas cap and then trade your locking gas cap for his.

Seriously, listen to Moonbear, not me.

 

[Adam]

Remember the pets...

 

[Dagenais]

But I have the taste of revenge in my mouth, and Id like to get him good.

Make fun of him. Joke about his appearence, family, interests, life etc.

This could get you in trouble, so if you do go through with this - not my fault.

Use your wit and throw insults. I use to get into a lot of trouble with this, but damn were my insults good.

If you can get your friends laughign at him, he'll be too embarassed. Make sure your insults can make spectators laugh.

Just don't tell him, your friends or anyone else that I convinced you to do this. It's merely an idea based solely on your choice and judgement.

I recommend you that you do some kind of exercises (biceps, musculation) in some gym. Then you can beat him up if he shows again this attitude

Beating him up isn't as fun as making fun of him until he cries at night before sleeping. ;)

Besides, it doesn't matter how strong you are. If your opponent is an experienced fighter, you'll lose. Of course, he if doesn't know how to fight he'll get creamed.

Take boxing or martial arts instead. That's closer to a sure win.

Sure, lots of boys in the schoolyard do this, but it never really solves anything.

Despite what your mother has told you, it usually does solve problems. Nobody is going to try to annoy you after you've beaten the crap out of him. The only thing you have to worry about is retaliation.

Your father is pretty much correct - don't throw the first punch. It's usually more effective to counter anyways. It doesn't take much aside from a diagonally step to the left/right, then a quick strike.

I never believed in making enemies.

I don't either, but sometimes it happens. People don't always like each other. I don't have any enemies in real life, but I do hate quite a few of the people I meet on the internet. That's mainly because people on the internet are cowardly and rude on the internet. *Sighs*


Edit: I noticed you have an avatar of Eminem. Don't go 'gangsta rap' on him. :rofl:

 

[jimmy p]

I have to agree with Daigenais. When people really tick me off I bombard them with a bit of lip. As long as it is original, clever and humourous then you are bound to get to this guy. Always have that one extra comment just in case he retaliates.

Rip into everything he does. That would satisfy the hell out of me, if I could pick faults with EVERYTHING that someone I despised did. And it would really boil his blood.

And if he swings for you, beat the living snot outta him and the claim self defence as he swung the first punch. Damn, I'd love to have enemies!

 

[The Bob]

I have to agree with Daigenais. When people really tick me off I bombard them with a bit of lip. As long as it is original, clever and humourous then you are bound to get to this guy. Always have that one extra comment just in case he retaliates.

Rip into everything he does. That would satisfy the hell out of me, if I could pick faults with EVERYTHING that someone I despised did. And it would really boil his blood.

And if he swings for you, beat the living snot outta him and the claim self defence as he swung the first punch. Damn, I'd love to have enemies!

People tick me off all the time. Either by being stupid or ignorant or purposly disobediant.

Jimmy should empathsis with me about cadets (again). I riped it out of someone a year ago who was determined to find out the lock number to my locker. He found it out so I laided into him a lot. He had been a bit annoying all week so I did enjoy it. Most people passed on by and left it to me. Others watched. When I had finished a Captain came over to me and congratulated me on my shouting at him. I was really happy.

I got serveral chances this year on the same person and many others. Man, I loved it.

Plus I have learned a number of cool fighting moves that I want to try out in the 'corret situation'. No, I am not the fighting type but I am ready to defend myself if necessary, not that anyone can keep up with my long legs and stamana.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Artman]

Tell your friends exactly what to look for in this jerk's behavior; the precise way he begins his attacks. When it happens, look at your friends and just say something like, "See what he does?" and get them to acknowledge that they see what is happening.

You could try and make peace with him. Try and find some common ground, something you are both interested in, where you guys can talk nicely to one another.

That said, you may never change this guy's behavior. The only thing in life we truly have control over is ourselves.

If you are somewhere with your friends and he continues to be a jerk, invite your friends to accompany you elsewhere and make a point of not inviting him.

Don't fight him unless he starts it, but then be prepared to kick the crap out of him.

 

[jimmy p]

People tick me off all the time. Either by being stupid or ignorant or purposly disobediant.

Jimmy should empathsis with me about cadets (again). I riped it out of someone a year ago who was determined to find out the lock number to my locker. He found it out so I laided into him a lot. He had been a bit annoying all week so I did enjoy it. Most people passed on by and left it to me. Others watched. When I had finished a Captain came over to me and congratulated me on my shouting at him. I was really happy.

I got serveral chances this year on the same person and many others. Man, I loved it.

Plus I have learned a number of cool fighting moves that I want to try out in the 'corret situation'. No, I am not the fighting type but I am ready to defend myself if necessary, not that anyone can keep up with my long legs and stamana.

The Bob (2004 ©)

When I was in cadets, you could take trouble makers round the back and beat them up

 

[The Bob]

When I was in cadets, you could take trouble makers round the back and beat them up

What makes you think we still can't :tongue:

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

What makes you think we still can't :tongue:

The Bob (2004 ©)

ok... I'll rephrase that. You were ALLOWED to.

 

[The Bob]

ok... I'll rephrase that. You were ALLOWED to.

LoL. Yes, that is better.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[pace]

Ah Yes. Nice to have a place where you can beat up people in peace :yuck:

 

[jimmy p]

Ah Yes. Nice to have a place where you can beat up people in peace :yuck:

LOL I never said that I was the one that did the beating... I just gave the nod. Like the Don of the mafia, never gets his hands dirty.

 

[The Bob]

LOL I never said that I was the one that did the beating... I just gave the nod. Like the Don of the mafia, never gets his hands dirty.

Don't I know it. :laughing:

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[pace]

LOL I never said that I was the one that did the beating... I just gave the nod. Like the Don of the mafia, never gets his hands dirty.

Yes. Never kills them, only writes the execution letters Kinda like Eichmann too.

 

[Sting]

I recommend against violence but if he starts trying to physically intimidate you, beat the living **** out of him.

As for your friends, if your friends won't stand up for you, then I would recommend finding new friends (and the world is filled with people).

I knew a guy who was like this. He was a friend of my friends and sort of a bigot. One day he threaten to burn a cross in my yard, made a comment about my Indian heritage, and threatened my family so I couldn't take it. I slammed his head into a locker and locked him in a crippling hold (I was on the wrestling team at the time). When I got done, he looked like he had two left arms.

And he never bothered me or threatened my family after that.

I'm speaking from my experience and I found out that meeting new people or even talking out your problems (rather than resorting to violence) CAN help. Give it a try and think logically before doing anything rash.

Good luck in your decision.

 

[Zeteg]

If you truly want it to stop, then take one of the following pieces of advice. Take in mind first, that I've never had anyone really annoy me in front of me, except when it's with girls that I like.

1. When he cracks a joke, just laugh at it. When he does something to annoy you purposly, just pretend you like it. He'll stop eventually.

2. Just don't go to any more activities. Don't call your friends up and tell them why. Let them guess why--this has more effect on a subconscious level. They'll believe they've discovered something you don't want them to know, and thus the bias is that you feel a lot stronger about it. They'll then either tell the guy to screw off, or ask him to stop whatever that he's doing.

3. Physical assult, is not exactly childish, but rather, it's primal. It's the act before reason was developed. However, note that some people just don't have the mental capacity to understand logic, and why they should stop something that they're doing. In this case, physical abuse is often the only way to get to them.

4. One of my favorites is the intellectual attack. Basically, just bear what he's saying and what he does. Notice everything that he says, and basically find something that he slips out that he doesn't really want people to know. Or, hack his email or something, and find personal information. You can do two things with the information--one of which is illegal. You can blackmail him, but that is illegal. My favorite is just embarrasing him, so everyone loses respect. Always bring up the topic when you're with him, pre-emptively. This doesn't just pertain to embarrasment. If you've found something illegal that he's done, report it.

 

[The Bob]

If you truly want it to stop, then take one of the following pieces of advice. Take in mind first, that I've never had anyone really annoy me in front of me, except when it's with girls that I like.

Man I like this. Cheers Zeteg.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[check]

So Mattius, it's been a while. What have you decided to do?

 

[Mattius_]

It has been a while...

The last time I physically saw this guy and my other friends was the night I first posted this. I distanced myself from most of them and the thing that kinda brought me into realization is that none of my "close" friends have ever tried to contact me since then. Kinda makes me realize what kind of people they are. More recently, the antagonist is up to his things again, he just posted yesterday some cheap shots over a forum which kinda got me going again. I haven't yet given a response, and I am not sure I plan to. I will see him again on Sunday, the day before labor day, and I will see all of the people involved in this scenario as well. The meeting is competitive, and words will most likely fly across the room.

Since the first post, I really haven't gotten any less pissed, so bottom line is, something is going to happen at this gathering. Either I am going to fight him, or I am going to insult him and really get under his skin so that I don't leave in the same position as I came.

Ill tell you all what happens, I think right now I am off to write a response to him, maybe it will settle me down a little.

 

[Dagenais]

Ill tell you all what happens, I think right now I am off to write a response to him, maybe it will settle me down a little.

Try something like,

"I'm sorry I took so long to reply, but I was busy with your mother."

BTW, why did a weird message come up when I tried to quick reply, it went something like, "Mattius_ Bad Post is Online Now Quick Reply"?

 

[bfd]

I did just that tonight, (the talk thing, not the pet thing) and they are evasive of conflict. They are very nice people but they really did not nor do ever (this has been a long conflict) look for a long term solution. They only look for what ends the problem at the moment. They assume that it will eventually all just blow over, which it never has. They have expressed to me on the side that I am right and he is antagonistic but they never say it to his face because they choose to avoid conflict.

So yes, I could walk away from this all but if I do ill have a sour taste in my mouth, because he has not been taught a lesson, I hate sour tastes.

Id consider slashing his tires in anononymity, and althought that is tempting, I don't want to get into that kinda trouble because I would be an easy suspect... This whole situation just gets my blood boiling...

Oh, and the thing is, I can't choose to hang out with them at certain times when he isn't there, because he is roommates with one of the good friends I was talking about, so yea, it is quite the pickle.

If I were you I'd advise you to drop these so called friends. If anything these people did you a favor. If they were true friends they would stand up for you when the time is needed. Its very telling of their character when they conveniently chose to avoid conflict. There are times in life when this is not possible. Its better you found this out now rather than a moment when you might have really needed them. I'd say forget them. Its their loss not yours. If anything you're gaining the most because the whole situation is a learning experience. As for that other guy I wouldn't worry too much about him. He only tries to piss you off cause he knows he can. $100 says he does this out of insecurity or jelousy. You know the old saying "what goes around comes around". I'm sure reality is going to push that insecurity button on him real soon.