People who gain weight as they age

[pergradus]

Maybe I'm old-fashioned or stuck up or something, but this really bothers me, and it seems to be a growing trend that people gain weight and become flabby as they get older.

To me this seems so disrespectful to your partner. A man or woman was attracted to you based on how you looked when he/she met you - and obviously they like that kind of physique. How is it that people just let themselves go to crap once they get married?

It seems so selfish and inconsiderate of how your partner feels, and though I'm a young guy and won't be married for a long time, i would always try to stay in shape so that I look good for my wife, and would hope she'd do the same for me. I understand this probably sounds shallow to most people, but I feel that physical attraction is a huge part of a relationship, and it's just a fundamental part of being a human being.

I mean, you wouldn't go out on a date with someone with shabby clothes and food stains all over yourself, so why would you neglect your physical appearance? Also I'm saying "you" a lot, but I'm not necessarily addressing the reader or accusing anyone here, just addressing Americans in general.

 

[russ_watters]

I'm not sure I would call it a "growing trend", it's just a reality of physiology and it has always existed.

 

[lisab]

You have to work a lot harder to stay in shape as you age, believe me. Plus you get injured easier and you take much longer to heal...oh, plus you never completely heal.

And young people seem to think they can eat anything...ha, well it *will* all catch up with you. Take a tip: get into the habit of eating healthy as a young person, so you don't have to recalibrate later in life after the damage has been done.

But fundamentally, you have to stay in shape for yourself, not anyone else. Your health has to be a priority for you.

 

[rootX]

I am actually looking forward to gaining some weight .. I keep on losing it.

And young people seem to think they can eat anything...

:shy:

 

[lisab]

I am actually looking forward to gaining some weight .. I keep on losing it.



:shy:

Lol, I didn't name names !

 

[dlgoff]

I am actually looking forward to gaining some weight .. I keep on losing it.



:shy:

I only weigh about 10 lbs more now than I did in HS; that being over 45 years ago. And that's because I like beer so much.

 

[rootX]

Lol, I didn't name names !

Everyone tells me that same thing but I guess it's hard to learn unless you have first hand experience.

I only weigh about 10 lbs more now than I did in HS; that being over 45 years ago. And that's because I like beer so much.

I am 114 pounds (down by 3 pounds from few months ago), even the girls whom I know weigh more than me .

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

When I first met my daughter, she only weighed 7 lbs. However she let herself go and has gained 100 lbs over the years. But if you think that's disrespectful, you should hear the things she calls me.

 

[DaveC426913]

I understand this probably sounds shallow to most people

It would be shallow if you knew better. But you say you're young, and then confidently predict that your life will be peaches and cream in 10 or 20 years such that you will stay in shape.

So it's not shallow; it's naive. We'll talk again in a decade or two.

 

[Proton Soup]

i'm not going to argue for the current obesity epidemic, but it is quite natural for people to put on a few extra pounds as they age. and believe it or not, a few extra pounds correlates to better life expectancy in the aged than being skinny.

also, when you get really old, metabolism screws up in a lot of other ways that can't be well-controlled for, like sarcopenia. and arthritis and years of accumulated injury slow us down even further.

but yeah, if you're under 40 or so, it's pretty much your own fault.

 

[DaveC426913]

but yeah, if you're under 40 or so, it's pretty much your own fault.

Or your ancestors' fault.

 

[Proton Soup]

Or your ancestors' fault.

even if you're a Pima Indian, if you live a lifestyle similar to your ancestors, then obesity won't become a problem. so, even with thrifty genes, the input-output equation still rules.

not that there aren't a few genuine disorders...

 

[DaveC426913]

...if you live a lifestyle similar to your ancestors...

The municipal government frown upon chasing buffalo across the plains for days at a time on a lot the size of mine.

Seriously though, it's a virtual impossibility to live like our ancestors. It would be folly to pretend that diet, lifestyle and fitness have only to do with how many calories one takes in.

 

[G01]

Maybe I'm old-fashioned or stuck up or something, but this really bothers me, and it seems to be a growing trend that people gain weight and become flabby as they get older.

To me this seems so disrespectful to your partner. A man or woman was attracted to you based on how you looked when he/she met you - and obviously they like that kind of physique. How is it that people just let themselves go to crap once they get married?

It seems so selfish and inconsiderate of how your partner feels, and though I'm a young guy and won't be married for a long time, i would always try to stay in shape so that I look good for my wife, and would hope she'd do the same for me. I understand this probably sounds shallow to most people, but I feel that physical attraction is a huge part of a relationship, and it's just a fundamental part of being a human being.

I mean, you wouldn't go out on a date with someone with shabby clothes and food stains all over yourself, so why would you neglect your physical appearance? Also I'm saying "you" a lot, but I'm not necessarily addressing the reader or accusing anyone here, just addressing Americans in general.

OK. I'm not married, so take this with a grain of salt:

Marriage isn't dating. It's common for people to pick dates based off of sexiness. However, this is a horrible metric for determining marriage compatibility! Sexiness does not correlate at all with whether your partner is an emotional match, has the same opinion on having children, has the same moral views, is willing to live within the same financial means as you are, etc. etc. etc.

So, chances are that if two people have been married a long time, they are way less concerned with looks than two teenagers are.

Physical attraction generates strong emotional responses very quickly, thus, it's easy to get carried away by them. However, if you choose a husband or wife and your decision is based largely on physical appearance, you are setting yourself up for marriage difficulties, regardless of how well your partner ages.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Sex and marriage have nothing to do with each other.

Just ask most married guys!

 

[S_Happens]

The simple fact is that the OP has no idea what marriage is about. It's pretty foolish to state assumptions based on nothing, rather than posing a question.

I'm still young (27), physically fit, and married, and I can tell you (the OP) without a doubt that you are simply very ignorant of this subject.

 

[ideasrule]

The simple fact is that the OP has no idea what marriage is about. It's pretty foolish to state assumptions based on nothing, rather than posing a question.

I'm still young (27), physically fit, and married, and I can tell you (the OP) without a doubt that you are simply very ignorant of this subject.

Are you saying that if your wife doesn't take care of herself and gains 30+ pounds of weight, you'd feel just as attracted to her? If so, that's fine; I'm just curious about whether this is what you think.

 

[diligence]

it's naive.

The simple fact is that the OP has no idea...and I can tell you (the OP) without a doubt that you are simply very ignorant of this subject

i'll guess the OP is < 20 y.o., based on the last time i had ideas as arrogant as that!

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

The missus and I have been destroying the sanctity of marriage for over 20 years now. In the meantime, our physical appearance has changed somewhat, not all of it for the better. This mutual display of disrespect hasn't changed our feelings for each other though. We're as willing to fight, bicker, disagree, and then make up as ever. Are you prepared to see your wife wrinkle, gray, and sag right before your eyes even while staying skinny for you? Or is that disrespectful too?

 

[DaveC426913]

Are you prepared to see your wife wrinkle, gray, and sag right before your eyes even while staying skinny for you?

A good point. If the OP insists that his spouse must remain attractive, will he leave her when things sag and spots grow and stuff falls out?

Or does he draw some sort of line between things becoming unattractive that can't be controlled without a lot of effort/surgery and things that become unattractive because she doesn't jog daily?

 

[AlephZero]

A good point. If the OP insists that his spouse must remain attractive, will he leave her when things sag and spots grow and stuff falls out?

Wha'ts the average length of a marriage these days? 5 years? 3 years? Whatever, it's hardly long enough to worry about wrinkles.

 

[Lichdar]

Its probably more reasonable for him to complain about mutual health seeking as a way to attempt to offset increasing health costs that go along with aging; I imagine that preventative health care is far, far less expensive than corrective procedures.

Incidentally, this is not old-fashioned at all; I'm positively archaic in many, many things. I've never heard of weight as a concern in a relationship.

 

[ideasrule]

Or does he draw some sort of line between things becoming unattractive that can't be controlled without a lot of effort/surgery and things that become unattractive because she doesn't jog daily?

That's a very important distinction, isn't it? Not being able to violate the laws of biology is very different from deliberately neglecting your health.

 

[pergradus]

The simple fact is that the OP has no idea what marriage is about. It's pretty foolish to state assumptions based on nothing, rather than posing a question.

I'm still young (27), physically fit, and married, and I can tell you (the OP) without a doubt that you are simply very ignorant of this subject.

So if your wife gained 100 lbs you'd be perfectly fine with that? And not because of some medical issue, but because (like the vast majority of the Americans) people simply stop caring.

The missus and I have been destroying the sanctity of marriage for over 20 years now. In the meantime, our physical appearance has changed somewhat, not all of it for the better. This mutual display of disrespect hasn't changed our feelings for each other though. We're as willing to fight, bicker, disagree, and then make up as ever. Are you prepared to see your wife wrinkle, gray, and sag right before your eyes even while staying skinny for you? Or is that disrespectful too?

That's a stupid comparison, because people can't control their aging, but people can control what they eat and whether they choose to exercise or not. Funny how neither of my grandparents have become heavy as they aged, but it seems like you guys are suggesting that getting fat is an inescapable reality of aging.

But why are you jumping straight to the elderly to make your point - most people get married in their late twenties/early thirties. Wheres the excuse for people in their 40's and 50's?

 

[rootX]

This is thread is nonsense filled with generalizations ... like "because (like the vast majority of the Americans) people simply stop caring"., "A man or woman was attracted to you based on how you looked when he/she met you - and obviously they like that kind of physique",...


Once I had considered all prerequisites for getting into a relationship: finance, home, car, job... but I didn't think of physical appearances. Thinking of it again, I don't see quite distinct future me married or even in a relationship .

 

[KingNothing]

It's important to respect your partner's needs, not to assume that you know what they are, or that they will not change over time.

 

[DaveC426913]

This is thread is nonsense filled with generalizations ...

This.

The thread is rife with accusers supposing they've walked a mile in someone else's shoes and then supposing why they do what they apparently do, such as "... because (like the vast majority of the Americans) people simply stop caring..."

 

[Proton Soup]

The municipal government frown upon chasing buffalo across the plains for days at a time on a lot the size of mine.

Seriously though, it's a virtual impossibility to live like our ancestors. It would be folly to pretend that diet, lifestyle and fitness have only to do with how many calories one takes in.

of course not. it's got a lot to do with energy expenditure, which was the bigger point.

 

[dlgoff]

... I don't see quite distinct future me married or even in a relationship .

Skinny guys can have fun too.

 

[DaveC426913]

of course not. it's got a lot to do with energy expenditure, which was the bigger point.

Which is also virtually imposisble to do at the same level as our ancestors without some artificial working out.

I'm not saying it can't be done, but it takes effort to work it into a schedule.

 

[skeptic2]

I remember reading in Scientific American that one advantage to gaining a little weight as you age is that it helps prevent bones from breaking as they get more brittle.

 

[S_Happens]

So if your wife gained 100 lbs you'd be perfectly fine with that? And not because of some medical issue, but because (like the vast majority of the Americans) people simply stop caring.

My answer to that doesn't change the fact that you have a gross misunderstanding of marriage in general. Physical attraction only goes so far, and is much more relevant in the dating/single world. I'm not going to school you on marriage or give you the details on why I have a successful one.

In the end, it is certainly subjective. It may or may not be important to someone, but that is for them to decide. Statistically, it is not one of the major reasons for divorce, which means there are bigger things to worry about. This is what my point is, and is what shows your lack of understanding about marriage.

 

[DaveC426913]

Statistically, it is not one of the major reasons for divorce, which means there are bigger things to worry about.

This is a good point, worth noting. It is a quantifiable and objective take on the subject of what is not a deal-breaker in a marriage.

 

[Lichdar]

I understand that statistically, most divorces involve issues of money, no?

 

[rootX]

I understand that statistically, most divorces involve issues of money, no?

and communication issues.

 

[Office_Shredder]

When I'm sixty, my wife is going to have a rocking body. She'll also be 22

 

[Lichdar]

"A man is only as old as the woman he feels up."

 

[S_Happens]

This is a good point, worth noting. It is a quantifiable and objective take on the subject of what is not a deal-breaker in a marriage.

I can't decide whether you're serious or sarcastic.

 

[DaveC426913]

I can't decide whether you're serious or sarcastic.

Serious.

There's lots of unfounded opinions flying around in this thread. Divorce statistics will show that appearance is pretty low on the list of marriage deal-breakers. It's about the only piece of evidence in this thread.

 

[S_Happens]

There's lots of unfounded opinions flying around in this thread.

Certainly.

I think the OP can turn this into a valid question if he really wants to. He just has to actually pose it as a question instead of a statement or rheotorical question. Statistically it isn't as important to most as it he thinks it will be to him.

Also, to me and seemingly the rest of those that have responded, there is a stark difference between "weight gained with age" and 100 lbs. 100 lbs would be quite significant to me (more than weight gained with age or "flabby" ), but I'm certainly not foolish enough to state outright that it would be something to get divorced over. I'm not in that situation, and there would be much, much more to consider if I ever was.

The general answer to the general question is that everyone will have their limit. Some will tend to infinity, while others will converge. That is going to have to be weighted against other factors as well, which each have their own limit. As each factor approaches its limit, the importance will increase. So, the general answer is... pluh...

A specific question would mean specifying a certain weight instead of a subjective term, and then ASKING what others think (or asking for individual limits). Of course I'm not going anywhere near that one.

 

[DaveC426913]

I think the OP can turn this into a valid question if he really wants to. He just has to actually pose it as a question instead of a statement or rheotorical question.

Huh. Asking questions instead of making statements.

That would have been a novel approach for the OP...

Also, to me and seemingly the rest of those that have responded, there is a stark difference between "weight gained with age" and 100 lbs. 100 lbs would be quite significant to me (more than weight gained with age or "flabby" ), but I'm certainly not foolish enough to state outright that it would be something to get divorced over. I'm not in that situation, and there would be much, much more to consider if I ever was.

The general answer to the general question is that everyone will have their limit. Some will tend to infinity, while others will converge. That is going to have to be weighted against other factors as well, which each have their own limit. As each factor approaches its limit, the importance will increase. So, the general answer is... pluh...

A specific question would mean specifying a certain weight instead of a subjective term, and then ASKING what others think (or asking for individual limits). Of course I'm not going anywhere near that one.

The thing being missed by the OP is that, in relationships, we don't simply walk in the front door one day and say "hey, you've gained 100 lbs!" There are events that cause that to happen - often depression and trauma. It is those events that a partner gets concerned over (because they care). If their partner refuses help and sinks into a state where they don't want to regain their life or get past whatever trauma befell them, then a partner might cut them loose. But there's about a hundred steps in there.

 

[DaveC426913]

So if your wife gained 100 lbs you'd be perfectly fine with that?

I would have been concerned loooong before that as to why she was traumatized or depressed. Those would be the things I'd be greatly concerned about. She's my wife; I love her and care about her well-being.

It seems you have simply not thought any of this through.

... because (like the vast majority of the Americans) people simply stop caring.

And you know this is true because...

...you've interviewed the vast majority of Americans?

 

[nucleargirl]

I am going to get so fat as I age, as did my mum and grandma... I am looking forward to it! can threaten to sit on people and be feared... would feel like king!

 

[DaveC426913]

I am going to get so fat as I age

Well, make sure you land that "hot guy" first then...

 

[nucleargirl]

Well, make sure you land that "hot guy" first then...

lol! then I can threaten to sit on him to make him change!

 

[Alfi]

I have to admit I've gained mass as I've gotten older

I used to be 4.4 Kg ...but that was 55 years ago.
energy in equals energy out + fat

 

[pergradus]

Maybe I approached this thread too bluntly or a little over-generalized, but do you guys really believe that physical attraction isn't important in a relationship, including maintaining that physical attraction?

 

[Alfi]

Maybe I approached this thread too bluntly or a little over-generalized, but do you guys really believe that physical attraction isn't important in a relationship, including maintaining that physical attraction?

"you guys' ... ??

I don't. I don't speak for anyone else. ... for us ..it's been .. after 20+ years
good conversation ..
Agreement about most of our beliefs
same laughter at things.

Physical ... naw ... secondary at best...Just being truthful :)

 

[DaveC426913]

Maybe I approached this thread too bluntly or a little over-generalized, but do you guys really believe that physical attraction isn't important in a relationship, including maintaining that physical attraction?

Again, not a lot of relationships end because of loss of physical attraction.


Who knows? Maybe you think life is easy. And perhaps the reality is that it is a lot harder than you think it is.

Finding the right partner to help you weather it is a real art. (I've gone through six since my teens, some were spectacularly beautiful, but they lasted only a few months.)

Physical hardbodyness just does not contribute that significantly to keeping a relationshiop together when there's so many bigger challenges.

Frankly, I am attracted to my wife's mind. That's a turn-on. And that makes me physically attracted to her.

 

[leroyjenkens]

Maybe I'm old-fashioned or stuck up or something, but this really bothers me, and it seems to be a growing trend that people gain weight and become flabby as they get older.

To me this seems so disrespectful to your partner. A man or woman was attracted to you based on how you looked when he/she met you - and obviously they like that kind of physique. How is it that people just let themselves go to crap once they get married?

It seems so selfish and inconsiderate of how your partner feels, and though I'm a young guy and won't be married for a long time, i would always try to stay in shape so that I look good for my wife, and would hope she'd do the same for me. I understand this probably sounds shallow to most people, but I feel that physical attraction is a huge part of a relationship, and it's just a fundamental part of being a human being.

I mean, you wouldn't go out on a date with someone with shabby clothes and food stains all over yourself, so why would you neglect your physical appearance? Also I'm saying "you" a lot, but I'm not necessarily addressing the reader or accusing anyone here, just addressing Americans in general.

I agree completely with everything you said.

People do tend to gain more body fat as they age, but if you had a low body fat before, then maybe your metabolism slowed down, but you could easily correct that with some exercise. It seems like people just almost completely stop exercising once they get past a certain age.