Programming Jokes: Lame, Science & Math Jokes!

[sbrothy]

In the webcomic Schlock Mercenary a human tries to explain "rubberhose cryptanalysis" to an alien. The alien is disgusted pointing out that any member of his race needs a good long brutal ironpipe beating to give anything up. In his words:

"Your race is weak!"

:)

 

[jack action]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

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[DaveC426913]

View attachment 340847​

 

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[BillTre]

View attachment 343898​

So, its not a bug?

 

[phinds]

So, its not a bug?

NO dammit! It's a FEATURE. Just like Tesla cars catching on fire.

 

[Gifovaco]

We have threads on lame jokes and science jokes. But then, we also have a thread on bad math jokes. So, why not create one specifically for programming jokes?

Let me start:

Court Code:
Case "defendant", "guilty" To "innocent", Dismiss Case

 

[jack action]

 

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[jack action]

*Everything works*: Why do we even pay you IT guys?

*One thing is broken*: Why do we even pay you IT guys?

 

[jack action]

Anadromous fish are more vulnerable in rivers, since the lack of salt means you can quickly crack passwords using rainbow trout tables.​

 

[berkeman]

View attachment 348238
Anadromous fish are more vulnerable in rivers, since the lack of salt means you can quickly crack passwords using rainbow trout tables.​

We are going to need @BillTre to decode this joke, I'm afraid...

 

[berkeman]

 

[Ibix]

We are going to need @BillTre to decode this joke, I'm afraid...

Anadromous fish travel up river to mate - salmon are a famous example. Some rainbow trout are anadromous.

Rainbow tables are a password cracking tool. Salting passwords is a defence against the technique.

 

[berkeman]

Anadromous fish travel up river to mate - salmon are a famous example. Some rainbow trout are anadromous.

Rainbow tables are a password cracking tool.

Well okay, it is all obvious to me now. Er, thanks...

 

[collinsmark]

Genie: Master, I shall grant you 3 wishes, as per the custom. You now have 3 wishes.
Me: I wish for 0 wishes left.
Genie: Granted. You now have 255 wishes.

 

[KingGambit]

Vic 20 had Basic.
IBM came out with a Basic interpreter as part of its software package along with DOS if you bought an IBM PC.
Apple came out with Basic.

A lot of home learners acquired Basic as the language of choice by default.

Yeah, that was.. almost 40 years ago. ROM BASIC, and I think I still remember the Alt plus key.
Alt+A, ABS
Alt+B, ?
Alt+C, COLOR
Alt+D,
Alt+E,
Alt+F, FOR
Alt+G, GOTO
Alt+H, HEX$
Alt+I, INPUT
Alt+J,
Alt+K, KEY
Alt+L, LOCATE
Alt+M,
Alt+N, NEXT
Alt+O, OPEN ?(question here)
Alt+P, PRINT
Alt+Q, is there one?
Alt+R, READ
Alt+S, SCREEN or SAVE?
Alt+T, THEN
Alt+U, USING
Alt+V, VAL
Alt+W, WHILE
Alt+X, is there one?
Alt+Y, is there one?
Alt+Z, is there one?

 

[KingGambit]

I recall someone asking for confirmation that one is true and zero is false in C, to which some genius replied "1".

Actually,
in C
A = 5 > 4, then A becomes 1

if (11 /* any non zero*/) printf("TRUE"); else printf("FALSE"); it will print TRUE


in BASIC
A = 5 > 4, then A becomes -1
if 11 then print "TRUE" else printf "FALSE" REM any non zero

 

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[Tom.G]

Welll... Just don't leave alone!

 

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[Hornbein]

In 1998, a COBOL programmer, frazzled with the Y2K crunch decides to have himself frozen until the year 2500. He goes in for the procedure and it's successful. As he begins to wake up, he sees all these people standing around him looking at their devices and dressed oddly, and he says "Wow, is it 2500?" The lead scientist says, "I'm sorry, no it's not 2500. It's actually 2098 but it says here on your file that you know COBOL ..."

 

[pbuk]

Not sure if this has already been posted but it is relevant to something I am working on at the moment

 

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[nuuskur]

even I can (write and) exit vim and I'm not even a dev

 

[jack action]

We have to adapt to a new era:

 

[gmax137]

View attachment 348239

Finally, a post in this thread that I "get"!