I chose physics primarily because i wanted to learn something new and i wanted to research and hopefully find something new. I chose it because it was unique and i had done fairly well in high school to warrant a career in physics. This year that passed was my 4th... but really my third year. In the first semester i was doing fairly well until disaster struck - in a single week i lost my job, my driver's license and a good friend. I literally gave up all hope. I didnt hand in assignments, didnt study for test, didnt hand in my labs. I failed to get reasonable marks in relatively easy courses like stat mech, the lab course... ididnt fail them, however a D is nothing to celebrate. And thats that. I m on the brink of being kicked out of the honours program (in my school we need to maintian at least a C+ average to stay in the 4 year honours program) I plan to repeat nearly every course that i messed up myself because of my stupidity. The trouble is that the courses will appear as taken twice on my transcript. I also had a course in modern physics last semester which was also a disaster... no matter how much i studied and understood the material i could not 'cut it' for hte tests. I believe that you can do anything you put your mind to... but i guess taht philosophy is wrong... if others are able to ace a course and im not able then im juist not good enough. I think that marks are very importatn because after all i want to be a physicist i want to do research but grad schools need good marks and my marks are sub par. Repeating the course will get the marks back up but in grad school what if i just cant do it? What if i drop out? What is left for me to do? I dont want to end up doing a job thats not in physics. But i also have to get out of my parents house. If i get a job then i cant continue studying the way i am. Im afraid of graduating because even a company will okk at my marks and realize that i m not good enough... im not dedicated to studying... i dont want to waste this time i have taken studying physics i want to do something with it... but what if im not good enough?