- #1
Cinitiator
- 66
- 0
First of all, I've already had and scheduled SEVERAL appointments with a psychiatrist, and I'm not asking for self-diagnosing advice - I'm simply wondering what I should look forward to after all the checking is done.So let me begin with a list of symptoms that I'm experiencing, or have experienced at one point. This list is randomly ordered.
1) Severe and disabling difficulties with social interaction.
I don't have any friends at all in real life, and I didn't have any for at least 1/2 of my lifetime, on and off. The way I socialize is very different from the way other people socialize, and I don't know how to respond when somebody says something to me roughly 40% of the time. My conversation types and priorities are significantly different from those of the general population, and I have a very hard time developing interpersonal relationships, even if the other person was the first one to approach me.
2) Difficulty learning in a classroom environment - when I'm in a classroom environment, my mind usually won't recognize the learning material presented as something be learned. It will simply ignore it and block it out, as if it was just another irrelevant stimuli. As a result, I often don't even know what topic was being studied during class. This doesn't happen when I self-teach - when I self-teach, I usually learn very fast and efficiently, as my brain recognize what is learning material and what isn't, and automatically sets its focus on it.3) Severe anxiety, depression and insomnia - I started manifesting these symptoms from roughly ~13-14 years of age. These symptoms (or rather this combination) is so disabling that I skipped roughly 1/2 of my school time, and often couldn't go to school several months in a row. This might be a result of me changing schools to one with far more loaded schedules and more pupils, which put a significant amount of stress on my sensory system.
4) Often breaking down completely and being unable to function - very often, my level of emptiness, anger, frustration, depression, anxiety and lack of sleep goes so high that I'm not able to function at all - I can't go to any public learning environment, can't set and complete tasks, and so on.
5) Hitting and crushing things around me when frustrated and desperate - when I break down, I either hit and crush things around me when I'm at home, or have a very strong urge to do so when I'm in public.
6) Sweating, feeling dizzy, detached and numb due to stress after being in a collective environment for long enough - every day, my levels of anxiety escalate to the point where I make every step thinking "I hope I won't faint", because I start feeling dizzy and lightheaded due to the high anxiety levels.
7) Recently started: hearing voices (?) - from the age of ~16, I occasionally would hear my mom yelling, and when I asked her what she wanted, she would say that she didn't say anything, and whether I was "OK". This also happened late at night when my mom was asleep, so I realized that something is wrong. This happened only a few times per year at first, but now it's happening roughly a few times per months, and now it isn't just my mom.
Here's an example of what happened this month: When I went to the fridge at night, and there was some car driving by, the car sound transformed into a sound of some woman talking just in front of me. I couldn't tell what she was saying, but the voice was clearly defined. This happened before as well, but when I was sitting at my computer. Also, when I was trying to fall asleep, I heard a very loud voice screaming my name, to the point that it made my ears go numb. It sounded as if the voice was coming from under the pillow.Additional information:
I went through some neuropsychological testing, and my working memory turned out to be very low, while my other scores (such as abstract reasoning (the block design subtest)) turned out to be high.-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is it possible to get any kind of disability benefits with such symptoms in the EU? Thinking about my future makes me even more desperate, as I wouldn't be able to hold most social-environment-based jobs for longer than half a year at most, without taking a break as long.
If it's a social environment, I normally can work 1/2 of the time, but would start breaking down if I would work for longer - the anxiety, anger and frustration would become unbearable and would drive me to taking a chair and crushing everything around me.
If the work isn't in a social environment, I could work up to 16 hours a day.
1) Severe and disabling difficulties with social interaction.
I don't have any friends at all in real life, and I didn't have any for at least 1/2 of my lifetime, on and off. The way I socialize is very different from the way other people socialize, and I don't know how to respond when somebody says something to me roughly 40% of the time. My conversation types and priorities are significantly different from those of the general population, and I have a very hard time developing interpersonal relationships, even if the other person was the first one to approach me.
2) Difficulty learning in a classroom environment - when I'm in a classroom environment, my mind usually won't recognize the learning material presented as something be learned. It will simply ignore it and block it out, as if it was just another irrelevant stimuli. As a result, I often don't even know what topic was being studied during class. This doesn't happen when I self-teach - when I self-teach, I usually learn very fast and efficiently, as my brain recognize what is learning material and what isn't, and automatically sets its focus on it.3) Severe anxiety, depression and insomnia - I started manifesting these symptoms from roughly ~13-14 years of age. These symptoms (or rather this combination) is so disabling that I skipped roughly 1/2 of my school time, and often couldn't go to school several months in a row. This might be a result of me changing schools to one with far more loaded schedules and more pupils, which put a significant amount of stress on my sensory system.
4) Often breaking down completely and being unable to function - very often, my level of emptiness, anger, frustration, depression, anxiety and lack of sleep goes so high that I'm not able to function at all - I can't go to any public learning environment, can't set and complete tasks, and so on.
5) Hitting and crushing things around me when frustrated and desperate - when I break down, I either hit and crush things around me when I'm at home, or have a very strong urge to do so when I'm in public.
6) Sweating, feeling dizzy, detached and numb due to stress after being in a collective environment for long enough - every day, my levels of anxiety escalate to the point where I make every step thinking "I hope I won't faint", because I start feeling dizzy and lightheaded due to the high anxiety levels.
7) Recently started: hearing voices (?) - from the age of ~16, I occasionally would hear my mom yelling, and when I asked her what she wanted, she would say that she didn't say anything, and whether I was "OK". This also happened late at night when my mom was asleep, so I realized that something is wrong. This happened only a few times per year at first, but now it's happening roughly a few times per months, and now it isn't just my mom.
Here's an example of what happened this month: When I went to the fridge at night, and there was some car driving by, the car sound transformed into a sound of some woman talking just in front of me. I couldn't tell what she was saying, but the voice was clearly defined. This happened before as well, but when I was sitting at my computer. Also, when I was trying to fall asleep, I heard a very loud voice screaming my name, to the point that it made my ears go numb. It sounded as if the voice was coming from under the pillow.Additional information:
I went through some neuropsychological testing, and my working memory turned out to be very low, while my other scores (such as abstract reasoning (the block design subtest)) turned out to be high.-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is it possible to get any kind of disability benefits with such symptoms in the EU? Thinking about my future makes me even more desperate, as I wouldn't be able to hold most social-environment-based jobs for longer than half a year at most, without taking a break as long.
If it's a social environment, I normally can work 1/2 of the time, but would start breaking down if I would work for longer - the anxiety, anger and frustration would become unbearable and would drive me to taking a chair and crushing everything around me.
If the work isn't in a social environment, I could work up to 16 hours a day.