Now onto the second step. We have our full Lagrangian that describes the fermions and their interactions... so let's solve it! There's a slight problem: we cannot. The mathematics is such that exact solutions are not available, and we must resort to approximations. The most commonly used technique is perturbation theory via the Feynman diagrams.
You can think of the perturbation series in a manner similar to a power series expansion. Close to x=0, you can approximate sin x = x and cos x = 1 - x
2 / 2. If you want more accuracy, you can include more terms. Now the nice thing about the cos and sin functions is that they are analytic. You can write the power series expansion at x=0 and, if you include enough terms, you can find cos (anything) to arbitrary accuracy. Of course you might need to include thousands of terms to calculate cos (10000) by this method, but it can be done. Our gauge theories have the same property, which is to say they work at high energies (large x) as well.
[Here it *really* helps if you've seen Feynman diagrams before]
The perturbation series works the same way. You start by considering 'free' particles as corresponding to the constant (zeroth order) term of the expansion. In the next order, you picture that a single field quantum is exchanged between the particles. In higher orders, more field quanta are exchanged. Now every time a quantum is emitted or absorbed, a dimensionless constant is introduced. This is the coupling constant and it describes the intrinsic strength of the theory. In a higher order calculation, the constant appears with increasingly large power.
(To exemplify: In E&M, the single photon exchange is the dominant channel at low energies, and it results in the Coulomb potential and classical E&M. But higher order corrections are needed to explain, eg, the Lamb shift in hydrogen or the electron's magnetic moment)
Now each of these orders gives you a magnitude. The *net* magnitude is obtained by adding all the magnitudes to each order. In practice, you hope that magnitudes become negligible at higher orders; this is indeed so most of the time but it breaks down for QCD at low energies and this plagues QCD to this day. The net magnitude describes the interaction.
Now of course Nature doesn't know anything about perturbation theory and Feynman diagrams. The interaction proceeds in a single form, but we cannot know it. Our diagrams with exchanges of virtual quanta are the results of the approximation procedure. I'm not sure if those virtual quanta have any detectable effects, but one thing is certain: we cannot observe them directly without altering the process.
To answer your other question: the rules for the diagrams require conservation of 4-momentum whenever interactions occur. Let's consider electron-muon scattering by Z exchange. The electron emits a Z and recoils, the muon absorbs the Z and recoils. Both the electron and the muon are considered to be 'free' in their initial and final states, so they must surely obey the momentum-energy equation I posted. It follows that the 4-momentum of the Z is completely determined and it *cannot* obey the relation for a proper Z boson. But this is not a problem, as our theory dictates that there is no way to observe the virtual Z.
I know this is pretty intense stuff, so bear with me
