What Did Mom Say About the Chainsaw and Arthritis?

[heartless]

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

Has anyone tried this one yet?

 

[turbo]

I am trying to butter a cat standing on a piece of toast, with hopes of pitching him off the back deck. No luck yet.

 

[Artman]

I am trying to butter a cat standing on a piece of toast, with hopes of pitching him off the back deck. No luck yet.

Good luck in your endeavour. And remember, if it doesn't work the first time, keep on trying.

-Artman, cat allergy sufferer.

 

[scott_alexsk]

Too close for missiles switching to guns.

 

[Hurkyl]

Has anyone tried this one yet?

It's a trick question. No cat would let you tie anything to it, let alone a buttered piece of toast!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Speaking of WKRP...

"I swear, I thought turkeys could fly".

 

[Astronuc]

Speaking of WKRP...

"I swear, I thought turkeys could fly".

Except when they are de-feathered, beheaded, frozen and/or stuffed.

It's more like falling.

 

[Astronuc]

Pickup and Put down.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the ends of the Earth for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing

 

[Artman]

Taking a short walk of just a few blocks with some friends, I said the classic line, "Are we there yet?"

The two daughters of my friend said in unison, "Yes, get out."

My friend said, "They're well trained."

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Customer walks into a restaurant and says "Give me a BLT, hold the mayo, and step on it".

 

[Ivan Seeking]

"Too many people in Washington are leaking!"

re NY Times disclosure stories about gov spy programs.

 

[Averagesupernova]

Man: I would go to the ends of the Earth for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Nah, that should be:
-
Man: I would go to the ends of the Earth for you.
Woman: You only need to go to one. I'll go to the other.

 

[Astronuc]

Nah, that should be:
-
Man: I would go to the ends of the Earth for you.
Woman: You only need to go to one. I'll go to the other.

Or,

Woman: OK, bye!

or

Woman: OK, how soon can you leave.