What is True Love: Finding the Answer

[Entery]

My question should really makes me feel ashamed , but honestly it seemed to be like the perfect thing for her and me and also I admit it's so ironic she is what I had pictured her to be...But there are facts in our lives we can never change, right ? One thing I need from her is just tell me that she understands and feels the same !
That is perfect romance that I've created in my mind, truthfully I'd live a thousand lives, each one with her right by my side, but yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance, and so it seems like we'll never have the chance...
Sometimes I think that a true love can never be, I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me. I know life can be very cruel in a way that I can't explain and I don't think that I could face it all again. I barely know her but somehow I know what she's about.

I tried to look for one true love but couldn't find it out, where is it and what it is, do you know ?

 

[<<<GUILLE>>>]

first thing I should tell you by personal experience,:

True love does not exist. No matter what you hear, what you are tolled, what you learn, what you think, or what you wonder.

This, I am explaning with: these definitions of love (my definitions):

1) Scientific definition: Love is the contact of you brain and some flavour cells (that come from your nose, mouth, and other sensitive zones) with some chemicals that altear some functions and parts of the brain, forming a pleasure sensation similar to when people take cocaine.

2) Philosoficall definition: Love is the sensation or feeling of someone to a speciall person, who means something very important to you, but in difference from friendship, atracts you spiritually and sexually (internally and externally (ex: superficially)).

Love is also a sort of "thing" invente dby humans, that means the second definition, but is mixed up wuith other properties which aren't love: In reallity, I can't define love, because love is completely relative to all people and to each love. Also love appears in many ways.

There is no "TRUE" love because the maximum amount of chemicals is what depends on this, and there are many people in the world (not only one: saying that you found your half-orange or whatever is the stupidest thing you can say; there are many "half-oranges") that will produce your maximum amount of chemicals to have contact.

Love is also a psycological subject, in which not only it is a feeling but a sor of "state" of a person and his/her brain, in whcih reality sort of dissapears (like people who take drugs) and you start living in a psicodelic world full of "goodness" and "loveness" but we aren't able to realize this because it is for very little time and dificult to catch or predict.

 

[Entery]

For example, if i take care of someone, follow her everywhere she goes, will that be love after all ?, if that is, love is something we grow in our heart for long time and it comes out in later time when we just never know ? right ?

So sorry, but do you have any experience in this ?

 

[Entery]

i ask bout exprience because people have experience will give the exact definition as to what love is? tell me something if that isnot too rpivate or hard to tel, thankfull after all, i just wanted to know a little more bout this.

 

[James R]

For example, if i take care of someone, follow her everywhere she goes, will that be love after all ?

That could be stalking.

Sorry. I'm a cynical bastard.

 

[Entery]

That could be stalking.

Sorry. I'm a cynical bastard.

I don't understand why you have to admit like that. I am not stalking anyone, we know each other long and she knows me well too, i think i like to go with her around here and there, she likes to walk with me too. but i never tryed to hold her hand once, i find it difficult for me to do that.

 

[<<<GUILLE>>>]

i ask bout exprience because people have experience will give the exact definition as to what love is? tell me something if that isnot too rpivate or hard to tel, thankfull after all, i just wanted to know a little more bout this.

love doens't have a definition. if you think that what you have felt is love, then it is love, because you are the onylone capeble of knowing. It's like when there is a car crash and oneof the people says in the judgement that it hurts his arm a lot, still. nowbody will be aloud to say directly that s/he is lying, because there is no machine that measures feelings/sensations. That, I think, would be a very usefull, interesting and amazing machine. Hope to live to know about it.

 

[merak]

My question should really makes me feel ashamed , but honestly it seemed to be like the perfect thing for her and me and also I admit it's so ironic she is what I had pictured her to be...But there are facts in our lives we can never change, right ? One thing I need from her is just tell me that she understands and feels the same !
That is perfect romance that I've created in my mind, truthfully I'd live a thousand lives, each one with her right by my side, but yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance, and so it seems like we'll never have the chance...
Sometimes I think that a true love can never be, I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me. I know life can be very cruel in a way that I can't explain and I don't think that I could face it all again. I barely know her but somehow I know what she's about.

I tried to look for one true love but couldn't find it out, where is it and what it is, do you know ?

Love means different things over a life time.
some things I've learned.
love has a begining, a middle part, and some sort of ending.
so its ever changing.
the beginning is always the best... :!)
you can never re-capture the begining...at the end.
if some one ever says to you I love you...but ...you are at the end.
there is a difference in love and being... IN love
love is the best thing ever.
love is the worst thing ever.
it takes about 5 years to mend a broken heart..
it takes about 5 years to get to know how someone ... REALLY is.
the second you get to know how someone really is... they change.
everyone is always changing...
if the sun refused to shine.if the mountains fell into the sea. there would still be you and me..
..the endless river for ever and ever.. are just words..but can make you feel sooooooo in love, if the right one says them to you... at just the right time.
so words are love.
looking deep into someones eyes,you can sometimes see love.
in the end everything is love and means love..
to the one who is in love..

 

[Evo]

One thing I need from her is just tell me that she understands and feels the same !

This is your first problem. If you need for someone to fit a pre-conceived notion of what "love" is or need them to validate your feelings, you're in trouble.

That is perfect romance that I've created in my mind, truthfully I'd live a thousand lives, each one with her right by my side, but yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance, and so it seems like we'll never have the chance...

Again, if you have some pre-conceived notion of the "perfect romance" then you are doomed to be disappointed.

You will never find "true love" if you have the need to try to find someone to "fit" neatly into your fantasy.

 

[Kerrie]

True love endures time, patience, pain and joy. It is not instant, but love is an action, love takes effort, and the gratification that comes of these labors is not love itself, but why we choose to continue to love.

 

[loseyourname]

Some excerpts from The Art of Loving:

• Is love an art? Then it requires knowledge and effort. Or is love a pleasant sensation, which to experience is a matter of chance, something one "falls into" if one is lucky?
• Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved rather than that of loving, of one's capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, how to be lovable. In pursuit of this aim they follow several paths. One, which is especially used by men, is to be successful, to be as powerful and rich as the social margin of one's position permits. An-other, used especially by women, is to make oneself attractive, by cultivating one's body, dress, etc. Other ways of making, oneself attractive, used both by men and women, are to develop pleasant manners, interesting conversation, to be helpful, modest, inoffensive. Many of the ways to make oneself lovable are the same as those used to make oneself successful, "to win friends and influence people." As a matter of fact, what most people in our culture mean by being lovable is essentially a mixture between being popular and having sex appeal.
• If two people who have been strangers, as all of us are, suddenly let the wall between them break down, and feel close, feel one, this moment of oneness is one of the most exhilarating, most exciting experiences in life. It is all the more wonderful and miraculous for persons who have been shut off, isolated, without love. This miracle of sudden intimacy is often facilitated if it is combined with, or initiated by, sexual attraction and consummation. However, this type of love is by its very nature not lasting.

Basically, I agree with Kerrie. Love is not a feeling of fondness or closeness with a person. Love is the attitude you take toward the person for whom you have those feelings. Love is doing everything within your power to make that person feel the same way, not the fleeting, 'sudden intimacy' type of feeling that can be achieved on a nightly basis through a simple orgasm or perhaps meditation, but a more lasting and meaningful feeling that requires hard work to maintain.

 

[<<<GUILLE>>>]

Love means different things over a life time.
some things I've learned.
love has a begining, a middle part, and some sort of ending.
so its ever changing.
the beginning is always the best... :!)
you can never re-capture the begining...at the end.
if some one ever says to you I love you...but ...you are at the end.
there is a difference in love and being... IN love
love is the best thing ever.
love is the worst thing ever.
it takes about 5 years to mend a broken heart..
it takes about 5 years to get to know how someone ... REALLY is.
the second you get to know how someone really is... they change.
everyone is always changing...
if the sun refused to shine.if the mountains fell into the sea. there would still be you and me..
..the endless river for ever and ever.. are just words..but can make you feel sooooooo in love, if the right one says them to you... at just the right time.
so words are love.
looking deep into someones eyes,you can sometimes see love.
in the end everything is love and means love..
to the one who is in love..

what a great fascinating post. You show with phylosofical knowledge how experience takes someone through the voyage of love, to understand it, and to comprehend it.

 

[exequor]

Love will bring our demise, that is how I feel about the subject. True, everyone has their own definition for love but whatever that is it will make you vulnerable. What I mean by this is that, once you love someone and trust them and do all the BS they claim that comes with it, at any point you can be put to an end. Take for example man loves his wife and puts all his trust in her. He would trust her so much that poisoning him is as easy as giving him some orange juice. Why? The love has intoxicated him and he thinks his wife would never do anything like that. Some may say "yea right!" but my theory is that "most" people can be corrupted.

 

[Kerrie]

Love will bring our demise, that is how I feel about the subject. True, everyone has their own definition for love but whatever that is it will make you vulnerable. What I mean by this is that, once you love someone and trust them and do all the BS they claim that comes with it, at any point you can be put to an end. Take for example man loves his wife and puts all his trust in her. He would trust her so much that poisoning him is as easy as giving him some orange juice. Why? The love has intoxicated him and he thinks his wife would never do anything like that. Some may say "yea right!" but my theory is that "most" people can be corrupted.

Can you clarify again exactly how it will when people have been loving for centuries? Take for example a wife who loves her husband and gives him every bit of her self to nuture and care for him. She would give to him so much of herself that he is inspired to be the best man he can be, and achieving success that would in turn affect those around him in positive ways. "Most" people can be softened as well as corrupted.

 

[sneez]

There is definetelly to know love. Love for oneself. That is the only love you can know is real :)

The type of love we describe here is not love. Its sexuall drive/libido/need,want whatever one calls it.

Real love has no questions and seeks no answers. Example do you question yourself if you love yourself? The love we describe here is just to satisfy the ego love for oneslef. The ego tells you you want to be loved so you can love yourself. (quite confusing i guess). On the contrary if one hates oneself he will never be loved by anyone and cannot even appreciate love given to him since there is no ego loving itself.

 

[<<<GUILLE>>>]

there is also another kind of love: love to life:to existence. This has a completely different nature and meaning.

 

[Jameson]

So both of you admit that love has an effect on people, whether for the good or bad depends on the case.

Something I find interesting about love is how some define it as unconditional and some not so. Which ever side you choose can raise some hard to defend questions. I'll give an example. A loving wife adores her husband but he abuses her. Should she stay with him because she loves him or leave him because it could damage her forever?

Another thoughtful question is, if you are truly in love, can you fall out of love? Can you one day not care about them in that same way you once did? And if so, did you really love them in the first place?

Jameson

 

[Kerrie]

There is definetelly to know love. Love for oneself. That is the only love you can know is real :)

The type of love we describe here is not love. Its sexuall drive/libido/need,want whatever one calls it.

Real love has no questions and seeks no answers. Example do you question yourself if you love yourself? The love we describe here is just to satisfy the ego love for oneslef. The ego tells you you want to be loved so you can love yourself. (quite confusing i guess). On the contrary if one hates oneself he will never be loved by anyone and cannot even appreciate love given to him since there is no ego loving itself.

How about the love a parent has for a child? It's a love you don't understand until you become a parent yourself.

 

[sneez]

"How about the love a parent has for a child? It's a love you don't understand until you become a parent yourself"

I think this is only after your ego is loved by you. If one does not love himself cannot love even his child. I think love for oneself (which is what we learn the earlies and is basis for our interaction with the world) is the prerequisite to love some one else.

 

[exequor]

Can you clarify again exactly how it will when people have been loving for centuries? Take for example a wife who loves her husband and gives him every bit of her self to nuture and care for him. She would give to him so much of herself that he is inspired to be the best man he can be, and achieving success that would in turn affect those around him in positive ways. "Most" people can be softened as well as corrupted.

Well I don't know what kind of loving they have been doing for centuries but I guess it is possible for "love" to have some positive effects and I did look at it from only one angle.

I'll give an example. A loving wife adores her husband but he abuses her. Should she stay with him because she loves him or leave him because it could damage her forever?

My theory for this is that this wife is in love with something else (maybe money) because here you are being beaten (something bad) and you still love a man . I must be cold-hearted but I can't see love existing in this situation.

 

[Jameson]

So love only exists when the situation is perfect? Where do you draw the line?

 

[Kerrie]

"How about the love a parent has for a child? It's a love you don't understand until you become a parent yourself"

I think this is only after your ego is loved by you. If one does not love himself cannot love even his child. I think love for oneself (which is what we learn the earlies and is basis for our interaction with the world) is the prerequisite to love some one else.

In some cases, children can teach their parents what real love is...at least in my case it has.

 

[<<<GUILLE>>>]

So love only exists when the situation is perfect? Where do you draw the line?

Those who wrote that are wrong: perfection does NOT exist; not even in love

 

[merak]

In some cases, children can teach their parents what real love is...at least in my case it has.

that for me too,but just a part.+

 

[Astronuc]

Here is an interesting perspective - an excerpt from Correlli's Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres ... Dr. Iannis speaking to his daughter Pelagia:

"Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining he is kissing every cranny of your body. No don't blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just "being in love", which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossums had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."