Who Thrives in a Deadly Bar Game?

[Math Jeans]

Ok. This was another game that I played at my old school forum. I'm not sure if you guys have done one of these before, but the rule is basically that you can do whatever you want provided it does not end the entire thread in one turn.

Basically, you play as yourself in a random bar, and you...fight everyone else.

I'll start:

*I walk into the bar. I notice its empty.*
*I go to the bartender and order a beer.*
*I turn around and drink my beer facing the doorway.*

 

[Smurf]

*I stomp into the bar and look around*
*My gaze rests on Math Jeans*

HEY! YOU! GET OFF OF MY GIRLFRIEND!

 

[Hurkyl]

I always thought Smurf's girlfriend was imaginary...

 

[G01]

I always thought Smurf's girlfriend was imaginary...

She's not imaginary. She's just very complex. (I know...I apologize ahead of time.)

 

[Hurkyl]

Aye yai yai.

 

[Math Jeans]

*I offer Smurf a seat.*
*I sense slight hostility, but I am not sure yet.*

 

[Math Jeans]

*The bar still has only Smurf, me, and the bartender in it.*
*I wonder about this. This is usually a popular bar.*

 

[Evo]

*I stomp into the bar and spot Smurf.*
*What is this about an imaginary girlfriend? Is that why you dumped me at the altar and broke my heart?*
*Where is the hussy?*

 

[Math Jeans]

*I know something is going on.*
*I break my beer bottle and get ready.*

 

[BobG]

I remark, "Are you guys stupid or just blind? How could all three of you walk right into the same bar?!", as I swing the bar around in the air for emphasis.

 

[Math Jeans]

I remark, "Are you guys stupid or just blind? How could all three of you walk right into the same bar?!", as I swing the bar around in the air for emphasis.

I won't even mention how irrelevant that is.

 

[BobG]

I won't even mention how irrelevant that is.

Smart move. Never bring a bottle to a bar fight.

Well, unless everyone's fighting with bars of soap. In that case, a bottle might be pretty intimidating.

 

[Math Jeans]

Smart move. Never bring a bottle to a bar fight.

Well, unless everyone's fighting with bars of soap. In that case, a bottle might be pretty intimidating.

BobG. Please don't ruin this thread.

 

[Math Is Hard]

* I walk into the bar and say, "hey BobG, I'm making a run down to Mexico. Wanna go?"*

 

[BobG]

* I walk into the bar and say, "hey BobG, I'm making a run down to Mexico. Wanna go?"*

Heck, I'll go anywhere with Math is Hard.

*I leave the bar with Math Is Hard complaining, "I've had a hard day. I was leaving the vault and the strap to my backpack got caught on the door handle, leaving my strap inside with me and the pack outside. I had to saw my left arm off with my Swiss Army knife to free myself."*

 

[Evo]

Math Jeans missed a perfect opportunity to take down BobG, currently on the FBI's most wanted list for swinging bars in swinging bars and making jokes about soap.

 

[Math Is Hard]

*MIH and the armless BobG make a clean getaway. They were last seen heading for Dr. Foofer's ranch just south of Ensenada.*

 

[gravenewworld]

*When I walk in I see math jeans holding a shanked beer bottle in his hand*
*I quickly run to the pool table and grab the que ball and a pool stick*
*math jeans is looking very threatening so I throw the q ball at his throat, break the pool stick over my knee, and stab him through the eye with one end*
*I run around in circles with glee, as I have just slayed the cockroach*






hey we are supposed to be having a bar fight right?

 

[Math Jeans]

yes we are.

*What gravenewworld doesn't realize is that my eye is fake because I had lost my other in a different bar fight. The fake one was glass, so it did not penetrate far.*
*I pull some rope from my bag and break the rest of my beer bottle.*
*I take the two pieces from the pool stick and tie two sharp shards of glass to the ends.*
(basically, I have two sticks with very sharp blades at the end.)
*I slice off gravenwworld's arms, take the cue ball, and knock him out cold.*
*I stand ready with my weapons.*

 

[turbo]

I show up for my gig running an open-mic jam and start setting up the drums, sound system, and my guitars and amps. The others will be here soon. Notice that Math Jeans is acting wound up and needs to chill, and waves to the bartender to indicate "buy a round for the loon".

 

[Math Jeans]

*I drink some more and calm down, but keep my guard up just in case.*
*I ask turbo what music will be played.*

 

[turbo]

I start with "brown eyed girl" to start and swing into "black magic woman" (the Fleetwood Mac original before Santana stole it) and then segue into "a tall cool woman in a black dress" to get the crowd (?) hooked.

 

[Math Jeans]

*I suddenly stop dancing the remember the reason I had come to the bar.*
*I'm supposed to assassinate the DJ that was coming to the bar.*
*I slit turbo's neck, wrists, and Acheles tendons.*
(sorry turbo. lol. I am a big fan of ur salsa though.)

NOTE: Miricles that keep you alive during the fight ARE allowed. Its just supposed to be crazy.

 

[turbo]

I was not a DJ, but a performer. I don't know who you have killed, but it wasn't me. The national enforcer of the Iron Horsemen sits at a table with his friends and buys drinks for his friends. We play songs he wants to hear and he buys drinks for the band.

This is 100% real, btw. The guy is huge,, intimidating, and 100% friendly. He is also laid back and calm.

 

[Math Jeans]

*I later figure out that I had just killed a random guy with an afro.*

 

[devil-fire]

*with astonishing speed, devil bursts through a small window, flying across the bar horizontally, aiming a devastating drop kick at the bar tender*
*unfortunately for devil, the bar tender has had this happen before and now keeps a life sized cardboard cutout of himself in front of the window as a decoy*
*devil nails the cardboard cutout dead center but because of the lack of mass of the cardboard cutout, devil's astonishing momentum sends him skidding across the floor and out the front door*
*devil, disheartened with his failure to assume the roll of bar tender at the infamous bar of death, hails a cab and goes home to watch professional wrestling*

 

[Math Jeans]

*I start getting bored.*
*I realize that in the bar murder is common, so I decide to slice up turbo.*

NOTE: better think up a good miracle to keep you alive, turbo :D.

*After that, I really really quickly go to turbo's house and eat all of his salsa and habanero sauce.*
*I then zoom back to the bar.*