Freeman Dyson said:
Thanks. Yes, that is what I am asking. How do electrons from two different atoms come together to make bonds. How can any electrons "hang out" together?
Okay, well... I'm not sure what to tell you except what I said in my last post, about the attraction to the opposing nucleus balancing out the mutual repulsion between electrons. I guess I could say that when you bring two atoms together, the electron orbitals change shape due to the presence of the two nuclei close to each other, and at certain distances the two-atom orbitals may have lower energy than the one-atom orbitals. But that's really just saying the same thing with fancier words.
Of course, not just any two atoms will attract each other and form a covalent bond. Some atoms, like helium or neon, will repel any other atom.
Freeman Dyson said:
What I kind of mean is: Can you push atoms so close together that their nucleus' touch or almost touch and are brought together by the strong nuclear force?
Yes you can - it's called nuclear fusion

This is the same process that allows stars to shine and that makes hydrogen bombs work. But it only works for atoms lighter than iron. For iron and heavier nuclei (that is, anything with an atomic number 26 or higher), the nuclei will be repelled no matter how close you bring them, because the nuclear binding energy per nucleon decreases once you get past atomic number 26. I'm not familiar with the full details of why that is, though.
It's important to note that nuclear fusion is a
completely separate process from covalent bonding. By the time you bring two nuclei close enough to get them to fuse together, the electrons are completely out of the picture - the average distance between an electron and a nucleus is 1000-10000 times greater than the internuclear distance you'd need for fusion. Not to mention, if you were to provide enough energy to get two atomic nuclei that close together, the electrons would have so much energy that they wouldn't even be orbiting the atoms anymore; they'd be off somewhere flying around on their own.
Freeman Dyson said:
What I really want to know is the proper level of reduction. So matter attracts at one distance, at a shorter distance it repels, then at the ultimate short distance it attracts again.
That's more or less right (at least for atoms lighter than iron). Bear in mind that at large distances, the attractive force is incomprehensibly tiny.