Why Do Women Often Seek Something Extra or Special?

[Echo 6 Sierra]

Before all you ladies get upset with me I ask your patience on this because I really want to know about this and NO this is not a troll. I don't really know the words to use here because I've just spent the weekend with my family and have had to take the edge off with a few beers. Is it something in the female mind to always want something extra, in addition to, or that "something special"? As for men, we want it all and we want it right now, then we stand back and look at/admire it and say "look what I did" and then go take a nap. It justr seems to me that the women I come in contact with are always adding something else to "whatever". An example would be a cake at a party this weekend. It was a sheet cake, half choc half vanilla, white icing with red, white and blue decorationd all around the edge. The men took a piece and ate it and either said it was OK or didn't say anything. One female asked why there wasn't something to the effect of happy 4th of july or happy birthday America on it. When she said this a good handfull of the remaining females chimed in with either "yea, it looks too plain" or "it could have been more festive". Once again, I'm not bashing, I'm wanting to understand the thought process or whatever it is that's taking place when this happens. Is it part of the nesting/nurturing thing that women do or is it something else, like I'm just unfortunate in that I'm always around these types of women and/or my family's full of them? I'm tire, drunk, and sleepy. Good night.

 

[JasonRox]

Before all you ladies get upset with me I ask your patience on this because I really want to know about this and NO this is not a troll. I don't really know the words to use here because I've just spent the weekend with my family and have had to take the edge off with a few beers. Is it something in the female mind to always want something extra, in addition to, or that "something special"? As for men, we want it all and we want it right now, then we stand back and look at/admire it and say "look what I did" and then go take a nap. It justr seems to me that the women I come in contact with are always adding something else to "whatever". An example would be a cake at a party this weekend. It was a sheet cake, half choc half vanilla, white icing with red, white and blue decorationd all around the edge. The men took a piece and ate it and either said it was OK or didn't say anything. One female asked why there wasn't something to the effect of happy 4th of july or happy birthday America on it. When she said this a good handfull of the remaining females chimed in with either "yea, it looks too plain" or "it could have been more festive". Once again, I'm not bashing, I'm wanting to understand the thought process or whatever it is that's taking place when this happens. Is it part of the nesting/nurturing thing that women do or is it something else, like I'm just unfortunate in that I'm always around these types of women and/or my family's full of them? I'm tire, drunk, and sleepy. Good night.

Sometimes it could be because they have low self-esteem.

People with low self-esteem tend to look for negatives and point them out. Therefore, it possibly lowers the other persons esteem and therefore putting them on the same level as themselves and making themselves feel good. They don't intentionally do this though. It just happens I guess.

The best thing to do in my opinion is to not dwell on the negatives and think of the positives. Not very many people do this. Just go up to someone and ask them what they hate about someone they know. They will come up with lots of stuff, but then ask them what they like. Most people need to think about what they like because they never really think about it.

So, thinking about positives in my opinion brings up your self-esteem and brings you UP to another persons level rather than bring them DOWN to your level, which is what usually happens. It's a more constructive approach to think about the positives. Not always easy but with work it gets better and you feel better and so do the people around you.

Why do we this? I think we do this because it's easier to think about negatives.

 

[Cyrus]

Maybe they just had nothing to talk about, sounds like one boring party to me...:zzz: :zzz:

 

[FredGarvin]

Jenny say kwah? That sounds like a Korean dish.

 

[Evo]

Was this bought at a store or did someone make it? Sounds rude any way.

 

[selfAdjoint]

Je ne sais quoi.

Ma foi, c'est louche!

 

[wolram]

I once served a gf with some lovely bread and cheese and she asked for butter on the bread

 

[Danger]

Echo, I've seen your member photo. You are definitely old enough to know that there's no point in trying to figure women out. Wash the dishes once without being asked to, and you're a hero. Let her come back from a weekend away to find that the entire house hasn't been scrubbed from top to bottom, and you end up in the centre of a **** storm. Just forget that it ever happened and go bowling with your buddies.

 

[JasonRox]

Echo, I've seen your member photo. You are definitely old enough to know that there's no point in trying to figure women out. Wash the dishes once without being asked to, and you're a hero. Let her come back from a weekend away to find that the entire house hasn't been scrubbed from top to bottom, and you end up in the centre of a **** storm. Just forget that it ever happened and go bowling with your buddies.

Every person is unique.

I'd strongly try to figure out or atleast understand your own significant other.

 

[Danger]

Easy for you to say now, Jason; let's see if you're still playing the same tune after 35 years of dealing with them.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Is there any cake left?

 

[honestrosewater]

Maybe they were speaking as cake-makers. If you commented on a painting in a room full of painters, or a pitch in a room full of pitchers, you might get similar types of comments.

I got stuck in a room with two middle-aged housewives once, and the conversation made me want to chew my arm off so I'd have an excuse to leave. It was like an hour of 'Sally is still playing the trumpet' and 'Susie grew some pea plants in Coke and Pepsi for the science fair' and 'I switched to a new laundry detergent, and it did a better job on Billy's grass stains, but it irritated Bob's skin, so I switched back'. It might not have been so bad if they had shown the least bit of interest in anything they were saying. Even the parts that could have been funny were reported in a totally nonhumorous way. Explain that. It seemed almost like their families had just sucked the life out of them.

(In case you're wondering, the answer is of course Coke.)

 

[JasonRox]

Easy for you to say now, Jason; let's see if you're still playing the same tune after 35 years of dealing with them.

The tune changes all the time no doubt, but learn to play with it.

It seems to me that guys just clean the house when there is problem. That's just lame because sometimes there is probably more to it.

...or they buy jewelry or something along the lines as not thoughtful.

If you really love your wife or serious girlfriend, you should put more effort into it. If it doesn't work and your girlfriend/wife gets mad, well that's probably a bad thing. Taking a good guy for granted. That's bad news. She should love you even more for trying and who knows it might even work.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

Yes, I've pretty much given up trying to figure out women on an emotional scale.

It was a store bought cake and very little was left. A guy brought it and it was no surprise that it wasn't decorated because of the holiday and, hey, he's a guy.

In my advanced years (thanks Danger) I've tried to be more accepting of the way people speak in different situations because that's just the way people are and I would hope that they would accept me for my non-response in the same type situation.

I hope everyone had a great 4th. It was rainy here in Austin but we still had fireworks.

Thanks Self Adjoint, that was just the Becks talking. BTW, why does Becks smell like a skunk?

 

[Moonbear]

I don't know, red, white and blue frosting sounds like it was already pretty well decorated for the holiday. Writing on it sounds a bit tacky. Either they were really bored, really drunk and saying silly things, or you're just unfortunate to have a family full of women who don't think twice of finding petty things to complain about what other people bring to a party. I agree with Evo that it sounds pretty rude. It's not like a group of siblings sitting around discussing a new dish one of them brought and looking for an honest opinion of how one might adjust the recipe to make it better next time...("Do you think I should have used a bit more mustard?" "Is it too spicey?") and then getting feedback.

If someone serves me cake, I just eat it...since it was half vanilla and half chocolate, my only comment would have been, "Pass me a chocolate piece, please." Though, I admit that if someone brought a cake to a picnic with "Happy Birthday America" written on it, you'd probably find me snickering over that with some of my cousins. And, I think if I brought a cake and heard someone making comments that it was too plain, I'd be likely to just walk over, stick a few sparklers in it, light them, and as the ashes fell on the cake, say, "Happy now?" (That is if I was in a really good mood and not tempted to suggest I decorate their plain looking behind the same way. I don't deal well with people who complain or criticize just for the sake of having something to complain about.)

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Is it something in the female mind to always want something extra, in addition to, or that "something special"?

My boss is like that too, only she's a man.

 

[Evo]

And, I think if I brought a cake and heard someone making comments that it was too plain, I'd be likely to just walk over, stick a few sparklers in it, light them, and as the ashes fell on the cake, say, "Happy now?" (That is if I was in a really good mood and not tempted to suggest I decorate their plain looking behind the same way. I don't deal well with people who complain or criticize just for the sake of having something to complain about.)

<note to self, "do not ever criticize anything Moonbear brings over, or you'll get a sparkler shoved up your rear end">.

 

[Astronuc]

. . . . An example would be a cake at a party this weekend. It was a sheet cake, half choc half vanilla, white icing with red, white and blue decorationd all around the edge. . . . One female asked why there wasn't something to the effect of happy 4th of july or happy birthday America on it. When she said this a good handfull of the remaining females chimed in with either "yea, it looks too plain" or "it could have been more festive". . . . .

I think the behavior cited is simply a reflection of those particular women. Most women I know in the local community and professionally do not behave in this way. Professionally, the women I meet are mostly scientists or engineers in NASA, DOE or industry - they've got better things to do than complain about cakes. For them it'd be NBD.

I'd caution against generalizing the behavior of those women at the party, to all women. All people do not behave/think/feel/. . . the same about most things, just as all men don't, all Americans don't, all whomever don't, . . . .

And, I think if I brought a cake and heard someone making comments that it was too plain, I'd be likely to just walk over, stick a few sparklers in it, light them, and as the ashes fell on the cake, say, "Happy now?" (That is if I was in a really good mood and not tempted to suggest I decorate their plain looking behind the same way. I don't deal well with people who complain or criticize just for the sake of having something to complain about.)

Hmmm. A party with the PF sisters would be an interesting experience.

 

[DaveC426913]

Maybe they were speaking as cake-makers. If you commented on a painting in a room full of painters, or a pitch in a room full of pitchers, you might get similar types of comments.

Yep.

Men tend to see food as food. Women tend to see food as a skill they are proficent in. It is, traditionally, a forum where women receive validation.

On the other hand, go out to the patio where they're talking about the steaks on the barbeque. The men will sure have an opinion on how they are being cooked!

 

[Math Is Hard]

I would never criticize someone's cake. That's just bad manners. Even if I thought it were the ugliest cake in the world, I wouldn't say anything but "Thank you for bringing us this nice cake." And if it tasted terrible I would surreptitiously dispose of my piece so as not to hurt the cake-bringer's feelings.

 

[DocToxyn]

I will only offer criticism if I have determined that the intended receiver and I are on a similar level of skill and we are both willing to take a hit. I do a lot of baking/cooking and in our lab a female graduate student was also a very good cook. We were contantly bringing in recipes for lab meetings or parties and judging each others fare. I was always willing to give my fair and honest opinion regarding her food, even if it was a negative comment, and I expected her to do the same. I would never make an unsolicited critical comment about someone who went storebought or box-mix cake, hey it's food and I'm a guy. However, if they really wanted me too...

 

[Moonbear]

I would never criticize someone's cake. That's just bad manners. Even if I thought it were the ugliest cake in the world, I wouldn't say anything but "Thank you for bringing us this nice cake." And if it tasted terrible I would surreptitiously dispose of my piece so as not to hurt the cake-bringer's feelings.

Exactly. I've never known anyone, male or female, who would criticize any dish someone else brought to a gathering. If it were truly horrible, I might make a mental note that at the next gathering, we recommend they bring along the soft drinks or plates and cups instead of a dish, but that's about it.

 

[Chi Meson]

IMOHO:

...what Astronuc said.

 

[chroot]

Hell, I'd pretty much eat any cake.

- Warren

 

[MeJennifer]

Honesty versus social forms.
Currently man prefers others to be contrived, dishonest so to uphold "a wonderfull society" myth rather than honesty.
Just the way it is.

 

[Evo]

Honesty versus social forms.
Currently man prefers others to be contrived, dishonest so to uphold "a wonderfull society" myth rather than honesty.
Just the way it is.

It's called being polite and/or tactful. It's how we determine if you have enough brains to know how to get along with others. Being crass and crude under the misguided notion that you're "being honest" isn't very bright.

In olden days you would not have lasted long if the rest of the village didn't like you.

 

[MeJennifer]

It's called being polite and/or tactful. It's how we determine if you have enough brains to know how to get along with others. Being crass and crude under the misguided notion that you're "being honest" isn't very bright.

Whatever you wish to call but it that is simply the way it is. So we actuall agree with each other.
In current society it is deemed more important that people are nice and likable then that honest opinions are given. Harmony and contriveness above honesty and directness. Inclusiveness and equality above discrimination and uniqueness. Simply the sign of our times.

 

[Astronuc]

So we actuall agree with each other.

Not quite.

In current society it is deemed more important that people are nice and likable than that honest opinions are given. Harmony and contriveness above honesty and directness. Inclusiveness and equality above discrimination and uniqueness.

Not necessarily, but perhaps some feel this way.

Evo is referring to proper use of discretion. No deception is implied.

There is no need to hurt someone's feelings, but one does not need to resort to dishonesty or deception.

If I was offered some cake, I could accept or decline. If I decline, I would not necessarily give a reason - and I certainly would not make up a reason to make someone 'feel better'.

I prefer to be dealt with honestly - and likewise I prefer to deal honestly.

BTW, society at large is rarely fully inclusive, and there is a fair amount of discrimination at many levels in varying degrees. However, everyone is unique.

 

[Evo]

There is an old saying "if you can't say anything nce, don't say anything at all". Sometimes it is better to just say nothing. If all your "honesty" is going to do is hurt someone that had only good intentions, what have you accomplished?

You can offer constructive opinions like "wouldn't it have been really pretty if this cake also had "xyz" on it? Instead of, "this cake is ugly, it has nothing on it".

 

[Tsu]

This may seem rather odd, but I think that most women SUCK. (present company excluded, of course ). So many of them (us? ) are petty, b*tchy, whiney and just plain BORING!111 I do my best to just avoid them and hang out with guys and women like Evo, MIH and Moonbear and the other Sisters. That way I don't have to deal with women who have had the life sucked out of them by their families. It's also why I have chosen to work evenings. Dealing with women and their back-biting, gossipy, personality clashes with absolutely EVERYONE is just too much for me!1 In short - I CAN'T STAND THEM!111

 

[DocToxyn]

That way I don't have to deal with women who have had the life sucked out of them by their families.

That statement seems a little harsh. Having a family doesn't "suck the life out of you", they were probably rather boring before the family. It's funny but when my wife and I are given the all to few chances to go out without the kids, what do we end up talking about the majority of the time?...you guessed it...the kids. I doubt if many others would be very interested in that and from the outside, yes, it probably would seem boring. I would never attempt to engage anyone in that subject unless I knew we had that in common or they specifically asked about it.

 

[Tsu]

That statement seems a little harsh. Having a family doesn't "suck the life out of you", they were probably rather boring before the family. It's funny but when my wife and I are given the all to few chances to go out without the kids, what do we end up talking about the majority of the time?...you guessed it...the kids. I doubt if many others would be very interested in that and from the outside, yes, it probably would seem boring. I would never attempt to engage anyone in that subject unless I knew we had that in common or they specifically asked about it.

Harsh? Perhaps. However I have had so many friends with kids over the years say that very thing themselves. And WHY can't you and your wife talk about anything other than the kids? BECAUSE THEY'VE SUCKED THE LIFE OUT OF YOU AND THEY HAVE BECOME YOUR ONLY MUTUAL INTEREST!11 Really, just kidding, Doc - but only to a point. You would have to have lived most of your adult life without children - but spent much of your time with your friends WITH kids listening to every aspect of their life to understand what I mean.

 

[honestrosewater]

Just to be clear, I was talking about a particular incident. The reason it was so weird wasn't that they kept going on and on about their families because they thought it was so interesting or whatever -- it was weird because they didn't seem interested, at all, in what they, themselves, were saying, and they could have talked about anything. I even tried to steer them to other things (actually, I think the topic did finally turn to my (heretical) religious beliefs, but I don't remember much after that). Maybe they were distracted or didn't feel like talking or something, but it seemed more like they just didn't have anything else to talk about... and were ruefully aware of it.

Anywho, I know they both love their families and everything, and I didn't mean to suggest that there is necessarily anything bad about having a family. I was just reminded of this one weird experience.

 

[J77]

http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/3223/100x125marjorie1mr.jpg

"Oooooh, I love a bit of cake. Oooooh, cake. Oooooh, cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. I'm just one of these people. I come home and I need a piece of cake."



btw: seems rude to diss someone elses cake.

 

[Moonbear]

You would have to have lived most of your adult life without children - but spent much of your time with your friends WITH kids listening to every aspect of their life to understand what I mean.

I don't think it's ubiquitous, but I know what you mean. It seems to me that it's more of an issue the less educated someone is. The more educated parents might give some brief updates on what their kids have been doing, but can still hold a conversation on other topics. The less educated ones seem to have their lives consumed by their children...there's no book they just read, or restaurant they just tried, or anything else they can talk about other than their kids. But, I think DocToxyn is right, those people who are that bad about it were pretty boring before they had kids too. They didn't talk about kids, but still chattered on about their spouses, or how stressed work is making them (even if you can't figure out why their job should be at all stressful), or their Aunt Wilma-Jean's hemorrhoid surgery.

 

[DocToxyn]

I think it boils down to a combination of what Tsu, HRW and Moonbear are speaking to. HRW brings up the point that some people just seem to need to "fill up the air with banter". They can't stand any silence. Maybe this is because they have kids and since kids are constantly noisy, their absence is deafening and they need some niose in around them. Perhaps it also touches on Moonbear's observation that if they don't know anything about anything else then children is all they have to talk about.

Tsu, you're probably right, if I were in a different situation I would be bored by listening to other people talk about their kids, however, the same thing does happen when for instance I'm around a bunch of guys talking about football or baseball. I've never cared for those subjects and find them dull, but at the same time I can't consider these people lifeless or less intelligent (not to say that that was your intention). Heck, some on the stats or play-by-play recall these guys conjure up from years past are actually quite impressive.

Which sort-of gets back to Moonbear's point - are they really less intelligent or have they simply focused on one particular subject to the exclusion of others and that is what they know best (I suspect the real answer is more a continuum rather than a finite distinction). I guess it really comes down to finding people who have something in common with you and can maintain a good conversation in that subject.

BTW, I'm not tryinng to be critical of anyone's opinions, since that seems to have been the original subject of the thread, this is just my $.02.

 

[Astronuc]

One female asked why there wasn't something to the effect of happy 4th of july or happy birthday America on it. When she said this a good handfull of the remaining females chimed in with either "yea, it looks too plain" or "it could have been more festive". Once again, I'm not bashing, I'm wanting to understand the thought process or whatever it is that's taking place when this happens. Is it part of the nesting/nurturing thing that women do or is it something else, like I'm just unfortunate in that I'm always around these types of women and/or my family's full of them?

I think the OP was just musing about his experience listening to several women discussing the merits of a particular cake.

It is certainly not a general trend, but applies to those women.

There are men who chat/babble/banter about sports, e.g. golf, and some seem to talk about it almost exclusively. I certainly don't belong in that group.

Flying home one day, I sat in front of a woman (with her husband) who went on and on about her recent vacation from which she was returning. She talked about how much she spent of clothes (e.g. $500 for pants, $2000 for a dress), what she drank, the fact that she saw some well know artist, where she had gone for her honeymoon, . . . . I wanted to scream at her to 'shut up'. However, most women/people do not do that - fortunately!

 

[Math Is Hard]

Flying home one day, I sat in front of a woman (with her husband) who went on and on about her recent vacation from which she was returning. She talked about how much she spent of clothes (e.g. $500 for pants, $2000 for a dress), what she drank, the fact that she saw some well know artist, where she had gone for her honeymoon, . . . . I wanted to scream at her to 'shut up'. However, most women/people do not do that - fortunately!

Did you see him slip his hearing aid back in after the plane landed?

 

[Astronuc]

Did you see him slip his hearing aid back in after the plane landed?

No, he just sat there and smiled, while his wife went on and on and . . . . I think they were both young - late 30's or early 40's. For me that's still young.

 

[Moonbear]

Which sort-of gets back to Moonbear's point - are they really less intelligent or have they simply focused on one particular subject to the exclusion of others and that is what they know best (I suspect the real answer is more a continuum rather than a finite distinction).

I just have to be picky and clarify this one point. I wasn't saying they are less intelligent, but less educated. Someone could be very intelligent, but if they haven't done anything to broaden their experiences beyond graduating high school, getting a job, getting married and having kids, then they have even less things they can talk about than someone who has made an effort to add breadth to their knowledge base. Heck, in this case, "education" can be something as simple as taking a pottery class. I don't even necessarily refer to formal higher education here. Some people are highly intelligent, but lack the motivation to do anything with that intelligence.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

I think the OP was just musing about his experience listening to several women discussing the merits of a particular cake.

Thanks Astronuc, but to clarify...I was using the cake incident as the most current example I've seen. More often than not, I observe women seeming to want something extra or more spectacular to add to what they already have to get that particular something to "pop". Whether its a description, embellishment, bauble or whatever. Blue paint for the dining room, no, RUSSIAN blue. Platinum watch, no, TIFFANY platinum watch. Latte, no, double-half-caf-half-decaf-soy milk-dash of Madagascar cinnamon-and half tablespoon of carmel-latte-frappa-mocha-thing.

I'm guessing that it may be a status thing where either they have it and you don't or they have the knowledge of it and you don't. At times it seems like I can't be in an intellectual conversation with a woman without it turning into a bad game of Jeopardy. If I hear the subject get changed with, "that's just like...", one more time I'm taking a drill to my eardrums.

 

[Astronuc]

Thanks Astronuc, but to clarify...I was using the cake incident as the most current example I've seen. More often than not, I observe women seeming to want something extra or more spectacular to add to what they already have to get that particular something to "pop". Whether its a description, embellishment, bauble or whatever. Blue paint for the dining room, no, RUSSIAN blue. Platinum watch, no, TIFFANY platinum watch. Latte, no, double-half-caf-half-decaf-soy milk-dash of Madagascar cinnamon-and half tablespoon of carmel-latte-frappa-mocha-thing.

I'm guessing that it may be a status thing where either they have it and you don't or they have the knowledge of it and you don't. At times it seems like I can't be in an intellectual conversation with a woman without it turning into a bad game of Jeopardy. If I hear the subject get changed with, "that's just like...", one more time I'm taking a drill to my eardrums.

E6S, I was also using the cake, or more so how the women were discussing the cake, as an example. Most women I know just don't behave this way. My wife however works with some women who tend somewhat to behave similar to the example cited. We just don't socialize with them.

On the other hand, I interact professionally with both men and women, and we talk most about technical subjects or subjects of mutual interest, but none of the women exhibit the behavior of which you describe - 'that need for something extra'.

 

[Moonbear]

I'm guessing that it may be a status thing where either they have it and you don't or they have the knowledge of it and you don't.

That's possible, that somehow it's their attempt at one-upmanship. It comes across pretty snobby sounding. And, that is also not exclusive to women by any means. I happen to know more men like that than women, by chance I suppose. I'm happy with the $5.99 watch, they need the Rolex, I'm happy to find pants that fit, they need the Armani suit, if they buy a car, it has to be a Lexus or BMW or Mercedes, or the "special edition," I have dishes, they have china. Is that the sort of thing you mean? It's like they can't just be happy with what they have, they always need something more, or are oblivious to the fact that they're hurting someone else's feelings in their attempt to show off. Yeah, generally I avoid being stuck with people like that for too long.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

...I'm happy with the $5.99 watch, they need the Rolex, I'm happy to find pants that fit, they need the Armani suit, if they buy a car, it has to be a Lexus or BMW or Mercedes, or the "special edition," I have dishes, they have china. Is that the sort of thing you mean? It's like they can't just be happy with what they have, they always need something more, or are oblivious to the fact that they're hurting someone else's feelings in their attempt to show off. Yeah, generally I avoid being stuck with people like that for too long.

Bingo! I know guys like that too but I'm around many more women than guys. If guys do it you can mush their face and walk away. It's like there's something missing in their life so they try and make up for it with possessions or their boardgame knowledge. If I'm talking to someone that starts a great subject I'll usually let them know that I'm not familiar with it and ask them to tell me more but depending on who is speaking you can be in for a snoozer.

 

[Ouabache]

Je ne sais quoi.

Ma foi, c'est louche!

I do not know what.

My faith, it is equivocal!

(if these are idioms then all-bets-are-off, regarding translation )