Women are crazy. Interpret this text exchange for me, please

[micromass]

If it means so much to her, just go see the movie. You should make some sacrafices for the people you love. Seeing a stupid movie is one of them.

 

[nucleargirl]

Yeah, its about compromise. if something mean that much to her, and she wants to share it with you, then just go along and try to enjoy it for her sake! you shouldn't assume you know what she's thinking either - if you are not sure why she went upstairs, ask her what's bothering HER. It seems you always just think about what you want, and think the worst of her. She doesn't sounds crazy at all, if anything, she sounds like she's in love with you and wants to spend all her time doing things with you. You could have it so much worse! you should treat her better and appreciate her more.

 

[micromass]

you should treat her better and appreciate her more.

Quoted for truth

 

[nucleargirl]

and its really not very good of you to complain about her and call her crazy behind her back... I think, if you don't start appreciating her, eventually she will leave you. And then you will regret it.

 

[dacruick]

In all fairness to the OP, I would never ever go see twilight. Its made specifically for teenage girls.

And Jack, she wasn't teasing you about twilight. She really wanted to go see it with you, and that IS why she went up to bed. She thought about it and realized that she was being kind of silly so she decided that it wasn't worth it. She told you that she was teasing you because that's how she feels about it now. I think she realized that she might be too sensitive sometimes and wants to try to see it your way, and not take things so personally. I don't really have information to back all/any of this up, but it's just an opinion:)

 

[DaveC426913]

Oh that's way, way too much drama.

(Post went missing. If it was deleted deliberately, then my mistake for reposting)

Whereas in the first scenario we at least had a verbatim account of the text exchange, in this case, we are getting only one (highly subjective) side of the story. It is doubtful that Jack would deliberately reveal his own culpability. It is even more doubtful that he realizes (like all of us, no offense intended Jack) that he might have some culpability.

So, the only answer I can give is that none of us can judge the scenario objectively.

Jack, you should know better than to post your side of the story and then expect to get anything other than what you want to hear.

 

[BobG]

She responds this morning with a 5 page text message explaining that her back pain was acting up and that's why she left. And she wasn't mad about Twilight, she was just teasing me. So now, I feel like a jerk for not comforting her when she was in pain, ...

Ooh, she's good!

You should redeem yourself and not only go see the Twilight movie with her, but pay for it!

 

[Jack21222]

Oh that's way, way too much drama.

If it's not too personal - how old are you both? And is this the first serious relationship for either of you?

She's 27, I'm 28. It's her second relationship of any kind, and it's my 6th or 7th serious relationship.

If it means so much to her, just go see the movie. You should make some sacrafices for the people you love. Seeing a stupid movie is one of them.

See, I disagree that that's what relationships are about. I shouldn't have to do anything I really don't want to do, and neither should she. She has friends she can see the movie with, she does not need to drag me along. I think it's rather rude of her to keep pestering me about this when it's clear I'm not interested. Why would she want me to have a bad time? What kind of sadist does that?

Yeah, its about compromise. if something mean that much to her, and she wants to share it with you, then just go along and try to enjoy it for her sake! you shouldn't assume you know what she's thinking either - if you are not sure why she went upstairs, ask her what's bothering HER. It seems you always just think about what you want, and think the worst of her. She doesn't sounds crazy at all, if anything, she sounds like she's in love with you and wants to spend all her time doing things with you. You could have it so much worse! you should treat her better and appreciate her more.

Sometimes, I think I could have it so much better and just be alone.

and its really not very good of you to complain about her and call her crazy behind her back... I think, if you don't start appreciating her, eventually she will leave you. And then you will regret it.

Here's hoping.

 

[MathematicalPhysicist]

Alright, so my girlfriend and I are planning to go to the Renaissance Fair tomorrow morning. I'd leave my house around 8:30 and pick her up at 9. She offered to cook me breakfast tomorrow morning before we leave, but I declined, since I'd already be waking up at 8am as it is, and I don't want to wake up even earlier.

Anyway, now she's mad at me. I feel as if I did nothing wrong, and she's just being crazy. She probably feels as if I'm being an unreasonable jerk, and that she did nothing wrong.

So, am I a jerk, or is she crazy? Here is the exact text message exchange:



Please advise.

I believe it's the time of the month when they get their monthly period.

 

[nucleargirl]

Sometimes, I think I could have it so much better and just be alone.

Here's hoping.

Argh! ~Just break up with her! and 6 or 7th relationship??! stop hurting people!
Selfish! Leave girls alone!

 

[MarcoD]

Argh! ~Just break up with her! and 6 or 7th relationship??! stop hurting people!
Selfish! Leave girls alone!

Don't know whether the guy is selfish, but relying on other people to solve 'problems' he imagines are there is plain stupid and doesn't show a lot of respect to the other party.

 

[Jack21222]

Don't know whether the guy is selfish, but relying on other people to solve 'problems' he imagines are there is plain stupid and doesn't show a lot of respect to the other party.

Man, people here are not going to understand your subjectively colored version of whatever happens between two persons on this world, and I find you an idiot for assuming such. Go see a therapist, or mommy, if you think there's anything to talk about and learn to solve your own problems.

What? Relying on other people to solve problems? Where in this thread am I asking anybody to solve any of my problems? I asked for an interpretation of a text exchange, that's far different than asking anybody to "solve a problem." The rest of my posts are general griping, and not a solicitation of advice. Besides, this subforum is basically dedicated to asking for advice. So your post is tantamount to a call for the subforum to be shut down.

Your most might be the most ridiculous I've seen here in a week, and that's including any number of crackpot posts on S&D.

Argh! ~Just break up with her! and 6 or 7th relationship??! stop hurting people!
Selfish! Leave girls alone!

I might break up with her soon, if she doesn't break up with me. It's just difficult because she's a friend of the family, and I'll have to deal with a bunch of family drama when I do. I met this girl about 15 years ago, and our parents are close.

You really think 6 or 7 relationships is too much? I've been dating for over 10 years now, that's less than one relationship per year.

 

[Boy@n]

Nice example, simple, silly but real. An don't think it's that rear. Communication among people would work much better if people would be saying what they feel all along. If she asked "honey, I'd like us to have breakfast together" you too would probably reply differently, like "sure darling, since I see how much you'd like that" or "darling, if OK to you I'd rather skip it this time to sleep one hour longer"...

It could still go wrong, but when feelings are better expressed understanding increases and disappointments lessen.

An advice I too often forget it ;)

 

[nucleargirl]

She's 27, I'm 28. It's her second relationship of any kind, and it's my 6th or 7th serious relationship.

See, I disagree that that's what relationships are about. I shouldn't have to do anything I really don't want to do, and neither should she. She has friends she can see the movie with, she does not need to drag me along. I think it's rather rude of her to keep pestering me about this when it's clear I'm not interested. Why would she want me to have a bad time? What kind of sadist does that?

Sometimes, I think I could have it so much better and just be alone.

I think you have an unrealistic view of relationships maybe. Relationships are all about give and take, and communication about what you each want. Two people will never get long perfectly, but you love each other and that makes you want to be together. but being together will result in conflicts of interest, and that's when compromise should happen.

She doesn't want you to have a bad time at the movies, maybe she knows you won't enjoy the film, but you should want to be with her, and being with her and seeing her happy should make up for sitting through a bad film. And vice versa when you want to take her to a football game or whatever. same with gettin up an hour early to have breakfast together, the eating together and having her cook for you because she loves you, should make up for having an hour less of sleep. It should feel like its worth it. if it doesnt, then either your expectations of what a relationship should be like needs evaluating, or you just don't love her enough. only you will know which it is.

(and I think she especially wants to see twilight with YOU because you are her boyfriend - twilight makes girls feel romantic, when she feels romantic she wants YOU to be next to her, so she can hug you and feel all protected with your arm around her shoulder etc. Do you really want her to be seeing a romantic film with another guy? and she wouldn't have as much fun with her girlfriends cos she can't make out with them, can she?)

 

[nucleargirl]

You really think 6 or 7 relationships is too much? I've been dating for over 10 years now, that's less than one relationship per year.

*sigh*... its not about how many you've had over how long, its about how many hearts you've broken. You should go into each serious relationship with the ideal of getting married and living together for life. When a relationship doesn't work out, at least one side is probably quite hurt, and that affects the next relationship you get into. I don't know why its not working out for you, but perhaps you should think about whether you want to be with another person for life, and if so, what may be going wrong to cause all of those to not work out.

 

[nucleargirl]

I might break up with her soon, if she doesn't break up with me. It's just difficult because she's a friend of the family, and I'll have to deal with a bunch of family drama when I do. I met this girl about 15 years ago, and our parents are close.

do you really love her or are you just with her because you have known her for ages and you feel comfortble with her? Are you afraid to break up because you actually care for her and don't want to be without her, or are you just scared of looking bad in front of your family?

Sounds to me like she obviously loves you! So if you still want to be with her, then don't be afraid to give more than you get, if you know she would like something, then do that. If she really loves you, the more you give, the more you will get back.

You can start by booking tickets to twilight when she is free, pick her up, buy her popcorn and candy, put your arm around her during the romantic bits (or if you can't tell, do it when she puts her head on your shoulder), kiss her head, and tell her she's prettier than Bella after the movie! :p

 

[Evo]

*sigh*... its not about how many you've had over how long, its about how many hearts you've broken. You should go into each serious relationship with the ideal of getting married and living together for life. When a relationship doesn't work out, at least one side is probably quite hurt, and that affects the next relationship you get into. I don't know why its not working out for you, but perhaps you should think about whether you want to be with another person for life, and if so, what may be going wrong to cause all of those to not work out.

Bolding mine - YIKES! I thought he'd only been dating this girl for 3 months? Is this a different relationship?

 

[nucleargirl]

oh! I thought they had been together for much longer than that. either way, the principle still stands! not talking about casual dating or anything like that. For serious dating, I think both people should be looking for a life-long partner, even from the start.

 

[Evo]

Kind of missing the point. As did the OP.

If one is going to spend an hour making breakfast for someone, and then gets blown off, it's not about the waffles.

Whoa, she didn't spend any time doing anything, it didn't even get to the point of planning because she just sprung the idea on him and he said no upfront. That's why it's so crazy.

If they had agreed to it and she had gone shopping for ingredients and had done prep work and then he canceled on her the night before, that might make her reaction a bit less crazy, not much, but a bit.

 

[Evo]

oh! I thought they had been together for much longer than that. either way, the principle still stands! not talking about casual dating or anything like that. For serious dating, I think both people should be looking for a life-long partner, even from the start.

Yes, I agree if it's a serious relationship. I'd missed the past couple of pages and I thought I missed another discussion.

 

[rootX]

6/7 "serious relationship" in 10 years!

... these threads make me feel bad about myself

 

[billiards]

It's clear as day that something's broken and he's not interested at all in fixing it.

My conclusion: he doesn't like her. Why bother yourself to do anything you don't want to do if the prize is undesired?

 

[DaveC426913]

Whoa, she didn't spend any time doing anything,

I said "going to".

Obviously she had "invested" in the idea and was looking forward to it.

 

[DaveC426913]

It's clear as day that something's broken and he's not interested at all in fixing it.

My conclusion: he doesn't like her. Why bother yourself to do anything you don't want to do if the prize is undesired?

Agreed. He has as much as said so more than once.

Which raises the question: why did he post here? Hoping to get support, so he can dump her without guilt?

 

[Jack21222]

Agreed. He has as much as said so more than once.

Which raises the question: why did he post here? Hoping to get support, so he can dump her without guilt?

I posted here initially because I was fairly stunned by the text exchange. That was the second of five stupid arguments we had in a short time span. My mood in this thread reflects my mood as the relationship was deteriorating, and not my mood at the beginning when I made the first post.

We had another stupid argument tonight, and afterwards, had a long (2+ hour) talk about the direction of the relationship and the arguments we have been having this past month. We seem to have come to the conclusion that we have too many fundamental differences in our outlook of relationships, plus the fact that I will likely be moving out of state for grad school next fall, and agreed that we should probably break up, but stopped short of making that official. It was getting late, and we agreed to pick up the discussion tomorrow.

Thing is, things were going very well for the first 3 months of the relationship, but month 4 has been really rough. I did fall in love with this girl, and I still really like her as a person. I just don't think I like her as a girlfriend. But, if you had asked me that a month ago, I would have told you that I loved her as a girlfriend.

This wasn't me just stringing her along for months at a time as some sort of cruel joke. I was honestly hoping that things would somehow turn around on their own with a return to the state things were in a month ago, but it never happened.

 

[Evo]

I posted here initially because I was fairly stunned by the text exchange. That was the second of five stupid arguments we had in a short time span. My mood in this thread reflects my mood as the relationship was deteriorating, and not my mood at the beginning when I made the first post.

We had another stupid argument tonight, and afterwards, had a long (2+ hour) talk about the direction of the relationship and the arguments we have been having this past month. We seem to have come to the conclusion that we have too many fundamental differences in our outlook of relationships, plus the fact that I will likely be moving out of state for grad school next fall, and agreed that we should probably break up, but stopped short of making that official. It was getting late, and we agreed to pick up the discussion tomorrow.

Thing is, things were going very well for the first 3 months of the relationship, but month 4 has been really rough. I did fall in love with this girl, and I still really like her as a person. I just don't think I like her as a girlfriend. But, if you had asked me that a month ago, I would have told you that I loved her as a girlfriend.

This wasn't me just stringing her along for months at a time as some sort of cruel joke. I was honestly hoping that things would somehow turn around on their own with a return to the state things were in a month ago, but it never happened.

I think you have approached this honestly and rationally. Something that is much too rare, IMO.

I don't understand why people think decisions in relationships have to be irrational and emotionally charged. Or that you have to fake your feelings, or put them aside to give someone a false sense of security. That is so emotionally unhealthy for anyone, IMO.

 

[micromass]

I posted here initially because I was fairly stunned by the text exchange. That was the second of five stupid arguments we had in a short time span. My mood in this thread reflects my mood as the relationship was deteriorating, and not my mood at the beginning when I made the first post.

We had another stupid argument tonight, and afterwards, had a long (2+ hour) talk about the direction of the relationship and the arguments we have been having this past month. We seem to have come to the conclusion that we have too many fundamental differences in our outlook of relationships, plus the fact that I will likely be moving out of state for grad school next fall, and agreed that we should probably break up, but stopped short of making that official. It was getting late, and we agreed to pick up the discussion tomorrow.

Thing is, things were going very well for the first 3 months of the relationship, but month 4 has been really rough. I did fall in love with this girl, and I still really like her as a person. I just don't think I like her as a girlfriend. But, if you had asked me that a month ago, I would have told you that I loved her as a girlfriend.

This wasn't me just stringing her along for months at a time as some sort of cruel joke. I was honestly hoping that things would somehow turn around on their own with a return to the state things were in a month ago, but it never happened.

The bolded text places her actions into more context, I wish you said that from the very beginning. Obviously, she feels threatened in the relationship and she is afraid of losing you. When you reject going to the movies with her or having breakfast with her, then she might take it as a rejection of her personally. Don't you understand that she loves you and doesn't want to lose you?? She might seem to ask irrational and crazy, but that's just superficial. In reality she acts that way because of a fear of losing you

Not all people are equal. Some people acts differently than others. I, personally, am an extremely emotional person. If my girlfriend were to be in love with another person then I would feel very insecure. I would probably react the same way a your girlfriend did: by being angry at stupid things. I know that this will drive us further apart, but it's really hard to stop it.

You both need to make (or had to make) an effort to make the relationship work. You had to talk with each other. You had to let her express her fears and desires, and you had to acts accordingly (which does not mean giving into every demand of hers!). When she was lying upset on her bed, then it would be best to go lie next to her and comfort her. Say that you love her and ask what the real reason is why she's upset. You will soon find out that it's not about the twilight movie at all! There are deeper reasons that she might be afraid to tell you! Talking with your partner could do so much. Don't assume you know your partner, let them do the story.

She does realize that her behavior is irrational, I can see this from what you describe. But she can't help it: it's in the heat of the moment. It is you responsibility (as a partner) to have a decent chat with her in order to understand your partner better. Talk about her past, her fears, her needs and what she basically expect of you. Don't judge her. Once you know more about her, then you can make the relationship work.

I understand that you cannot save your relationship anymore. You probably both realized it long before now. But do take this as a lesson for the future and try not to make the same mistake again.

 

[micromass]

I think you have approached this honestly and rationally. Something that is much too rare, IMO.

Yeah, the title of the thread is "women are crazy". Very rational.

Saying that he has been rational and his gf is crazy is just wrong. If a relationship fails, then it's most likely two persons that failed, not one. I understand that it's better for his ego to describe his gf as crazy, but it's just lying. He did make mistakes and so did she. Acknowledging this fact and not making the mistakes again is the best thing to do here.

Whenever my relations failed, I always search for faults in the other person. She could have done this, and that. She was selfish and crazy, blablabla. But that doesn't get me anywhere. Sooner or later, I'm bound to realize that I'm much more to blame then the other. After all, my actions triggered actions with the others.

I have noticed a profound lack of self-criticism with Jack, and I don't like that attitude at all. I hope he does get to the fact where he starts evaluating his own actions and starts thinking where he went wrong. Your relationship might have failed, but at least you can learn something from it!

 

[BobG]

Whenever my relations failed, I always search for faults in the other person. She could have done this, and that. She was selfish and crazy, blablabla. But that doesn't get me anywhere. Sooner or later, I'm bound to realize that I'm much more to blame then the other. After all, my actions triggered actions with the others.

Whenever your relations fail? Or when one of you realizes it's the wrong relationship?

Breaking up doesn't mean either person failed.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

hey, OP, is your girlfriend hot? . I bet she's really good looking. how tall is she?

 

[Nano-Passion]

The problem can always be traced back to a lack of communication between both of you. The way you replied back was that you didn't care, if you instead would have chosen your words more carefully it would have went much smoother. And she wasn't able to pinpoint what bothered her and communicate it effectively.

Her: Let me know about breakfast cause I'll need to take stuff out of the freezer tonight

Me: I'll pass on breakfast. Thanks anyway

Her: Thanks a lot I won't offer anything ever again

Me: Wait, what bothered you? I'm Confused

Her: whatever

Me: I'm sorry, is it because I sounded un-caring? You know I love you babe.. Its just that tomorrow morning isn't the best of time for me. Is there any other time we can spend together?

Her: <3 <3 <3

Profit
?
?
?

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

The problem can always be traced back to a lack of communication between both of you. The way you replied back was that you didn't care, if you instead would have chosen your words more carefully it would have went much smoother. And she wasn't able to pinpoint what bothered her and communicate it effectively.



Profit
?
?
?

One, you don't know OP's girlfriend's personality to be able to correctly predict her response and reactions. All women are not the same. And you can't plug this "women want this or that" formula for every girl. Women aren't crazy. Text messaging is rather the real problem here. You just can never tell how the person means what they write. the OP's response might have been interpreted differently than was intended

 

[Nano-Passion]

One, you don't know OP's girlfriend's personality to be able to correctly predict her response and reactions. All women are not the same. And you can't plug this "women want this or that" formula for every girl. Women aren't crazy. Text messaging is rather the real problem here. You just can never tell how the person means what they write. the OP's response might have been interpreted differently than was intended

It wasn't a prediction.. it was an example of practicing good communication.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

It wasn't a prediction.. it was an example of practicing good communication.

you don't know his girl that well to "predict" accurately how she will react.

I loved your ending:

Me: I'm sorry, is it because I sounded un-caring? You know I love you babe.. Its just that tomorrow morning isn't the best of time for me. Is there any other time we can spend together?

Her: <3 <3 <3

Just classic.

But to stay on-topic. I don't think his girlfriend or women are crazy. I feel that the problem was simply a misunderstanding with the text messages. She misinterpreted what he intended.

 

[DaveC426913]

you don't know his girl that well to "predict" accurately how she will react.

Edin, not sure if you're being deliberately obtuse. Nano has made it clear he is showing an example of good communication.

Sociopathy and neuroses aside, most people in general react well to good communication. Even if a particular person does not react as expected, it is still the best practice.

(You can't predict that a mountain lion will roll over and let you rub its belly, but even you have to admit you have a good bet about how to behave around one.)

 

[Nano-Passion]

Edin, not sure if you're being deliberately obtuse. Nano has made it clear he is showing an example of good communication.

I feel like he either always wants to pick a fallacious argument or is just trying to belittle any other statements.

Don't feed the troll.

you don't know his girl that well to "predict" accurately how she will react.

I loved your ending:

Me: I'm sorry, is it because I sounded un-caring? You know I love you babe.. Its just that tomorrow morning isn't the best of time for me. Is there any other time we can spend together?

Her: <3 <3 <3

Just classic.

But to stay on-topic. I don't think his girlfriend or women are crazy. I feel that the problem was simply a misunderstanding with the text messages. She misinterpreted what he intended.

Edin, 99% of the conversations with you and I were ones of fallacious arguments (started by you). Take it easy a bit, if your going to pick an argument then put up a good one and for the love of sake read and try to interpret the opposition with an open mind. What you constantly do is pick a sentence, take it out of context, and try to argue it (and fail). That in itself is a fallacy, attacking an opposing statement does not make yours any more right.

At any rate, in my opinion it isn't a misinterpretation but a poor choice of words. If I asked my girlfriend to something that means a lot to me and she replied "na I'll pass", I would be furious as a result.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

Edin, not sure if you're being deliberately obtuse. Nano has made it clear he is showing an example of good communication.

Sociopathy and neuroses aside, most people in general react well to good communication. Even if a particular person does not react as expected, it is still the best practice.

(You can't predict that a mountain lion will roll over and let you rub its belly, but even you have to admit you have a good bet about how to behave around one.)

[1]Don't derail this thread Dave. It's not about me. My posts are on-topic and pertain to the matter. Debate my points. No personal attacks here, please
[2] Dave, text message doesn't equal very good communication. It's considered a disrespect to break up via text, quit your job via text etc., I told you the problem with text is that sometimes you can't really understand and accurately predict what the person is trying to tell you. Especially taking into consideration that text messaging = no grammar zone. It's hard to get what the person is trying to say. The problem with OP's case was that she misinterpreted his intention. He was even confused as to her reaction because he meant no harm at his reply. It was a simple no I won't eat because I won't have time to eat or something. OP was cleanly just turning down the offer. That has happened to me before. I was at a show and I got a text from a friend saying she's going to give me a call. I quickly texted, "no". She could have taken it in a hurtful manner but I didn't intend my "no" to be hurtful. I was just trying to send her a quick text in time so she wouldn't call and make my ringtone go off. Then I sent her another text explaining I'm at a show. I really use emoticons because I feel like that's the only way to let people know you're not mad, you're goofing off, you're being sarcastic, etc.,.

On-topic: The girlfriend's not crazy. It was just misinterpretation. That's my call. Second possibility would be she REALLY wanted him to come and eat. Like preparing something for someone and they're not as excited as you wanted them to be about it. OP could have simply explained that time was the reason why he turned the breakfast down.

 

[Edin_Dzeko]

I feel like he either always wants to pick a fallacious argument or is just trying to belittle any other statements.

Don't feed the troll.


Edin, 99% of the conversations with you and I were ones of fallacious arguments (started by you). Take it easy a bit, if your going to pick an argument then put up a good one and for the love of sake read and try to interpret the opposition with an open mind. What you constantly do is pick a sentence, take it out of context, and try to argue it (and fail). That in itself is a fallacy, attacking an opposing statement does not make yours any more right.

At any rate, in my opinion it isn't a misinterpretation but a poor choice of words. If I asked my girlfriend to something that means a lot to me and she replied "na I'll pass", I would be furious as a result.

[1] Like I said to Dave. No personal attacks here. Just focus on the issue we are discussing. You wrote in another thread "I'm just looking for love". Completely uncalled for. Just expose these supposedly "fallacious" statements in my argument etc., I'm simply expressing my opinion why attack me, Nano? try and learn how to stay on-topic please.

[2] I'm a troll because I express my opinion and they challenge your points? C'mon. Don't derail a nice thread.

[3] It's not about right or "more right". Simply just express your opinion. I disagree with something so I need to express "WHY" I disagree. No such thing as a stupid question. No such thing as a stupid debate. Just express yourself. We all don't agree that's the beauty of human nature and the human mind. By take it easy, should I "go with the flow" and not challenge / question or voice out? Is that what you are telling me? I just seem to hold different views than "the norm" that's all. There were times where it was me vs. the class + teacher in debates. I just hold different views and I express it. No harm in being outspoken.

[4] Nano the poor choice of words is what would lead to the misinterpretation. The problem with the "na I'll pass" is that, HOW does she mean it? What kind of tone / face is she saying it with? You can't tell just by reading text. That wast he point I was trying to me make. Two things, misinterpretation or the girl really wanted him to come and eat her breakfast.

No more attacks etc., I like this forum and would like to continue expressing my opinions in discussions. Just debate and move on and stop complaining. If you've written something then you should be able to defend your stand. One thread was dying, and I've helped pushed it to like 2 pages you need opinions like mine in matters. It helps. Now let's continue. OP please update us.

 

[DaveC426913]

[1] Like I said to Dave. No personal attacks here. Just focus on the issue we are discussing.

There is a difference between attacking a person and attacking a bad argument.

You are missing the point of Nano's post(s). That does not help your case and is needlessly argumentative.

[2] I'm a troll because I express my opinion and they challenge your points?

But you're not challenging his points, you're missing them and arguing for the sake of argument.

You are producing noise in an otherwise productive thread.

Now, take a moment to go back and read Nano's post and then read both our responses about where you missed the point.

Or not. Because I still think you're just arguing for the sake of it, and that doesn't really interest me.

 

[Nano-Passion]

[1]Don't derail this thread Dave. It's not about me. My posts are on-topic and pertain to the matter. Debate my points. No personal attacks here, please
[2] Dave, text message doesn't equal very good communication. It's considered a disrespect to break up via text, quit your job via text etc., I told you the problem with text is that sometimes you can't really understand and accurately predict what the person is trying to tell you. Especially taking into consideration that text messaging = no grammar zone. It's hard to get what the person is trying to say. The problem with OP's case was that she misinterpreted his intention. He was even confused as to her reaction because he meant no harm at his reply. It was a simple no I won't eat because I won't have time to eat or something. OP was cleanly just turning down the offer. That has happened to me before. I was at a show and I got a text from a friend saying she's going to give me a call. I quickly texted, "no". She could have taken it in a hurtful manner but I didn't intend my "no" to be hurtful. I was just trying to send her a quick text in time so she wouldn't call and make my ringtone go off. Then I sent her another text explaining I'm at a show. I really use emoticons because I feel like that's the only way to let people know you're not mad, you're goofing off, you're being sarcastic, etc.,.

On-topic: The girlfriend's not crazy. It was just misinterpretation. That's my call. Second possibility would be she REALLY wanted him to come and eat. Like preparing something for someone and they're not as excited as you wanted them to be about it. OP could have simply explained that time was the reason why he turned the breakfast down.

Okay Edin, I see your point. But replying simply "na I'll pass" can often be signaled as a lack of good communication. Good communication includes how to say things without offending the opposing person.

And what dave said. =p

Let us take these two scenarios

girlfriend: hey good morning!
boyfriend: <3 good morning to you too
girlfriend: I'm really looking forward to this new movie coming out! We should go watch it thursday night, its called "immortal". *hint, it means a lot to her!*
boyfriend: naa
girlfriend: ur an *******
boyfriend: what?
girlfriend: just shut up!

Two things went wrong here. One is the way that he replied, a better choice of words would have avoided this here. And the latter is the ignorance, for lack of better words, of what bothered his girlfriend. Both can be signs of a lack of good communication.

Now let us take second scenario.

girlfriend: hey good morning!
boyfriend: <3 good morning to you too
girlfriend: I'm really looking forward to this new movie coming out! We should go watch it thursday night, its called "immortal". *hint, it means a lot to her!*
boyfriend: I would love to go with you! its just I have a pretty huge midterm coming up, is there any other time we can go love?
girlfriend: =/
boyfriend: I am really sorry, i really want to be with you but is there any other alternative?
girlfriend: Hmm in that case ...

Its called developing synergy. For example, instead of companies sending you a message replying "Denied." they might reply "We've considered your application, and hope you best of luck with other opportunities!"

 

[victor.raum]

If that's how you talk to you girlfriend then I'm not surprised you've gone through 20 of them already...

EDIT:
I was typing up a real response, but then I saw Nano-Passion's above mine, and it was essentially identical. So I won't bother adding my clone of his post, I'll just say that I whole heartedly second his analysis.

 

[netgypsy]

WOW! Poor girl. You can only win in a relationship when you can walk away at any time. She knows the handwriting is on the wall, just hates to think a good thing has ended. Well it has.

For the ladies present, chasing is hardwired into the male of the species. You can't change things that are hardwired. You can only direct them and the advice of the great grandmothers to their daughters to "play hard to get" was right on the money. In the best relationships the male chases his mate their entire life and they both enjoy it immensely. She disrespected herself by inviting him for breakfast rather than just bringing a doggie bag with her to maybe share eggs and biscuits or something. Neither party in a relationship should EVER put themselves in a position where the other can reject them and cause hurt feelings. You have to be well enough in tune with each other to totally avoid that sort of thing.

Time for the young lady to move on and gain some self respect in the process. She's not a servant or a cook, she's a girlfriend and her boyfriend ought to be the one who asks her what she's going to do about breakfast and to discuss the possible options. And forget the movie - she shouldn't be asking him to go to that either. Again she's disrespecting herself because she knows he doesn't want to go to it.

A little story - a female family member had recently starting dating someone she liked quite well. He told her he was going to "March Madness" basketball tournament out of town for the weekend. She already had another date lined up for that weekend. He canceled and he told her he wasn't going so she canceled the other date and went out with him. And she would have gone out with a different guy if he had gone out of town. They've been married forever and he's still chasing her and they do have fun. Too many women lack self respect but I see it in men also. When it's over, it's over. Get on with your life. If you don't respect yourself, don't expect others to respect you.

So no she's not crazy, she's sad.

 

[Evo]

WOW! Poor girl. You can only win in a relationship when you can walk away at any time. She knows the handwriting is on the wall, just hates to think a good thing has ended. Well it has.

For the ladies present, chasing is hardwired into the male of the species. You can't change things that are hardwired. You can only direct them and the advice of the great grandmothers to their daughters to "play hard to get" was right on the money. In the best relationships the male chases his mate their entire life and they both enjoy it immensely. She disrespected herself by inviting him for breakfast rather than just bringing a doggie bag with her to maybe share eggs and biscuits or something. Neither party in a relationship should EVER put themselves in a position where the other can reject them and cause hurt feelings. You have to be well enough in tune with each other to totally avoid that sort of thing.

Time for the young lady to move on and gain some self respect in the process. She's not a servant or a cook, she's a girlfriend and her boyfriend ought to be the one who asks her what she's going to do about breakfast and to discuss the possible options. And forget the movie - she shouldn't be asking him to go to that either. Again she's disrespecting herself because she knows he doesn't want to go to it.

Wow, this is like reading "dating advice from the 19th Century, from a man".

 

[Drakkith]

WOW! Poor girl. You can only win in a relationship when you can walk away at any time. She knows the handwriting is on the wall, just hates to think a good thing has ended. Well it has.

Your entire post is just sad. None of it even considers the fact that everyone is differently wired and raised and have different wants, needs, feelings, etc. Furthermore, being able to "walk away at any time" is exactly OPPOSITE of the end goal in dating. Being in a committed relationship. It's like suggesting that you just do "warm ups" for football practice and then jump right into the big game when the season starts. You're going to have no idea what to do and have missed the entire pre-season time to practice and get ready.

 

[netgypsy]

No, some of that was from one of our female family members and we range in age from 14 up to 70. But the only thing that has changed in the world of male female relationships is that females are now empowered to survive on their own. Unfortunately too many of them don't know it. And I don't think great grandma would have told the girl to dump the guy but she would tell her that if she wanted to keep him she'd better get some self respect pretty fast. We also don't just have a physicist in the family, we have a biologist and horse and dog trainers and I sure wish I had known all that great information before I wasted my time trying to get my kids to do things they just weren't hard wired to be able to do like "sit still" ! HAHAHA

And people think nerds know nothing about love - HAH - there is some seriously great advice in this thread if anyone bothers to read it and take it. NERDS RULE

 

[netgypsy]

Your entire post is just sad. None of it even considers the fact that everyone is differently wired and raised and have different wants, needs, feelings, etc. Furthermore, being able to "walk away at any time" is exactly OPPOSITE of the end goal in dating. Being in a committed relationship. It's like suggesting that you just do "warm ups" for football practice and then jump right into the big game when the season starts. You're going to have no idea what to do and have missed the entire pre-season time to practice and get ready.

There's hard wired and there's "soft wired". Hard wired characteristics, you can only direct, not change. Soft wired can be changed. In any relationship, the two partners must follow certain rules for the relationship to work successfully. That's a fact. Some of the rules are the same in all cases. Others will be different. But if either partner does not value and respect the other with equal intensity, the relationship will fail. In this situation there is no equality. The woman is putting herself in a situation where she is going to be hurt and the man understands this perfectly but is just not committed to her to the same degree she is committed to him. She needs to lose him. He has no empathy, no kindness toward her, and no desire to develop them. Every guy on here knows exactly what he should have said IF he cared what she thought and they have expressed this most eloquently. But he doesn't care enough about her to make the effort. It's that simple.

Now regarding practice, of course we have to try different relationships to find the one we care enough about to want to make permanent. But the moment a man or woman knows in their gut that the relationship is not right is the moment they need to walk away. Do you really want to marry someone who drives you crazy, that you don't respect, that doesn't raise your blood pressure when you look a them no matter how long you've been together? Don't settle for less because you're just too lazy to look further. Now that would be sad.

 

[Drakkith]

Every guy on here knows exactly what he should have said IF he cared what she thought and they have expressed this most eloquently. But he doesn't care enough about her to make the effort. It's that simple.

Except that it is NOT always that simple. If it were, there would be far fewer issues in relationships.

Now regarding practice, of course we have to try different relationships to find the one we care enough about to want to make permanent. But the moment a man or woman knows in their gut that the relationship is not right is the moment they need to walk away.

Yes, but up until that point they are still in a relationship. It isn't black and white, there is no line that is suddenly crossed, it is a gradual realization that takes varying amounts of time depending on the relationship. And during that period of time before they realize it's time to break it off people have issues just like the one in this thread.

 

[netgypsy]

it is actually very simple when you're outside looking into the relationship of two other people but when you're inside a relationship that has failed it's extremely painful and the pain has been scientifically determined to be PHYSICAL pain, so you don't think rationally or behave rationally and that is what causes the difficulty in walking away when you need to. There will always be little problems in any relationship when one or the other or both are tired or stressed. Apologies will be given and it won't happen again. But obvious unkind and uncaring behavior by one or both of the parties means serious trouble. And yes there really is a line that is crossed and you'll know it if you ever have it happen to you. The proverbial straw that makes one realize that this relationship is not working. (Consider having an affair with your best friend vs just a little flirting)

Can they ever be fixed? Occasionally there's an outside problem that precipitates the breakdown but it really depends on how much equity is already in the relationship and how much each will lose if it ends both emotionally and in their life in general.

Being in a good loving relationship isn't hard. The rules are very simple. We just sometimes make it hard because we bring baggage into a relationship, we globalize on problems, we blame when there is no blame and many times we will deliberately sabotage the relationship for reasons we aren't even aware of. Pretty dumb but quite common. We seem in general to have moved more to serial monogamy than life time monogamy. And truly sometimes people really do grow apart by evolving in different directions so they are no longer compatible.

But finding and hanging onto that "right person" is so worth the effort.

 

[Drakkith]

And yes there really is a line that is crossed and you'll know it if you ever have it happen to you. The proverbial straw that makes one realize that this relationship is not working. (Consider having an affair with your best friend vs just a little flirting)

Of course certain things can throw the relation ship "over the line", but generally it isn't like this. One of the reasons people cheat is that no one realized (or were willing to realize) that the relationship wasn't that well off already and had probably already crossed over the line.

 

[netgypsy]

Looking back on a failed relationship I bet most people can point to a single incident that, as you said, made them realize that it was over. Here's a couple from friends - a couple was discussing marriage and the guy said the marriage vows should be "Love, Honor and Obey" for the woman. DING DING DING end of that one. Another one - guy tells girl - NO WIFE OF MINE WILL EVER WORK DING DING DING end of that one too. Guy asked girl out to a nice restaurant and concert after. She brings her girlfriend with her. DING DING DING Girl comes to guys house to watch a movie. She grabs his cat and dog and throws them outside. DING DING DING.