Women are crazy. Interpret this text exchange for me, please

[MarcoD]

You're right, it's not. It's not even sexist. It's simply saying that most people are thoughtful about the subject. So why would you label that as 'sexist'?

I live in a 'feminine' society. The double standards annoy me, so whenever I feel something is 'sexist,' I'll rather label it such and face it directly.

 

[DaveC426913]

I live in a 'feminine' society. The double standards annoy me, so whenever I feel something is 'sexist,' I'll rather label it such and face it directly.

But it isn't sexist.

"...most people ... accept there are differences between the sexes" is not a sexist statement.

 

[Evo]

whoa, whoa. not like that. no insults intended, it was supposed to be all in good fun. i mean, who isn't crazy these days? in some way. again, meant in a harmless way. being crazy could mean being creative. crazy is a compliment!

Ok, I over-reacted. I just am the world's most boring person, there isn't a wild and crazy cell in my body. My idea of cutting loose and going crazy is buying a roasting chicken that's not on sale.

 

[MarcoD]

But it isn't sexist.

I agree, in the sense that 'sexist' usually also implies superiority. But I am strict egalitarian, labeling things 'sexist,' exposes the double standards often used; I have no other labels to use for that, since 'feminist,' is usually a positive label.

 

[Astronuc]

Ok, I over-reacted. I just am the world's most boring person, there isn't a wild and crazy cell in my body. My idea of cutting loose and going crazy is buying a roasting chicken that's not on sale.

You're just very creative.

I actually may be more boring.

 

[maggiemaeu]

Ok, I over-reacted. I just am the world's most boring person, there isn't a wild and crazy cell in my body. My idea of cutting loose and going crazy is buying a roasting chicken that's not on sale.

oh, thank goodness. I've been getting lots of bad comments telling me i did something wrong. maybe its just because i (in theory) haven't the slightest idea what I'm doing.

and the chicken thing isn't that badvery creative, though.

​

 

[maggiemaeu]

by the by this woman in question seems like the bad side of crazy. took the overreaction thing to a whole new level. i mean, how are waffles that important? she was spending the whole day with him. i couldn't wait to leave my ex's house-hence ex.

 

[DaveC426913]

...i mean, how are waffles that important?

Kind of missing the point. As did the OP.

If one is going to spend an hour making breakfast for someone, and then gets blown off, it's not about the waffles.

 

[Jack21222]

We have way too many communication breakdowns.

She has been pestering me to see the new Twilight movie when it comes out. I have no interest in it, and have repeatedly told her no, and that I'm sure one of her friends and fellow Twilight fans would see it with her. So last night, she started asking me to go again. I must have told her no 10 times last night. Eventually, she got quiet and we continued watching the TV show. After a few minutes of silence, she walks upstairs and lays down in her bed without saying a word.

After she's not back in 10 minutes and it's time for me to leave (I had a lab report to write last night, due today), I go up and see her laying in her bed, and I assume that she did that because she was mad about the Twilight thing. This puts me in a foul mood, and I don't give her a goodnight kiss before I leave. She texted me after I got home and asked if something has been bothering me, to which I responded that her continuously bugging me about Twilight, and then running upstairs without saying a word is bothering me.

She responds this morning with a 5 page text message explaining that her back pain was acting up and that's why she left. And she wasn't mad about Twilight, she was just teasing me. So now, I feel like a jerk for not comforting her when she was in pain, but to be fair, she gave me no indication that that's why she went to bed. She could have said something as she was leaving. And the way she was talking about seeing Twilight sure didn't feel like teasing; it sounded like she was being serious and getting seriously upset about it.

So, I don't know. We just don't know how to communicate with one another, I guess.

 

[lisab]

We have way too many communication breakdowns.

She has been pestering me to see the new Twilight movie when it comes out. I have no interest in it, and have repeatedly told her no, and that I'm sure one of her friends and fellow Twilight fans would see it with her. So last night, she started asking me to go again. I must have told her no 10 times last night. Eventually, she got quiet and we continued watching the TV show. After a few minutes of silence, she walks upstairs and lays down in her bed without saying a word.

After she's not back in 10 minutes and it's time for me to leave (I had a lab report to write last night, due today), I go up and see her laying in her bed, and I assume that she did that because she was mad about the Twilight thing. This puts me in a foul mood, and I don't give her a goodnight kiss before I leave. She texted me after I got home and asked if something has been bothering me, to which I responded that her continuously bugging me about Twilight, and then running upstairs without saying a word is bothering me.

She responds this morning with a 5 page text message explaining that her back pain was acting up and that's why she left. And she wasn't mad about Twilight, she was just teasing me. So now, I feel like a jerk for not comforting her when she was in pain, but to be fair, she gave me no indication that that's why she went to bed. She could have said something as she was leaving. And the way she was talking about seeing Twilight sure didn't feel like teasing; it sounded like she was being serious and getting seriously upset about it.

So, I don't know. We just don't know how to communicate with one another, I guess.

Oh that's way, way too much drama.

If it's not too personal - how old are you both? And is this the first serious relationship for either of you?

 

[micromass]

If it means so much to her, just go see the movie. You should make some sacrafices for the people you love. Seeing a stupid movie is one of them.

 

[nucleargirl]

Yeah, its about compromise. if something mean that much to her, and she wants to share it with you, then just go along and try to enjoy it for her sake! you shouldn't assume you know what she's thinking either - if you are not sure why she went upstairs, ask her what's bothering HER. It seems you always just think about what you want, and think the worst of her. She doesn't sounds crazy at all, if anything, she sounds like she's in love with you and wants to spend all her time doing things with you. You could have it so much worse! you should treat her better and appreciate her more.

 

[micromass]

you should treat her better and appreciate her more.

Quoted for truth

 

[nucleargirl]

and its really not very good of you to complain about her and call her crazy behind her back... I think, if you don't start appreciating her, eventually she will leave you. And then you will regret it.

 

[dacruick]

In all fairness to the OP, I would never ever go see twilight. Its made specifically for teenage girls.

And Jack, she wasn't teasing you about twilight. She really wanted to go see it with you, and that IS why she went up to bed. She thought about it and realized that she was being kind of silly so she decided that it wasn't worth it. She told you that she was teasing you because that's how she feels about it now. I think she realized that she might be too sensitive sometimes and wants to try to see it your way, and not take things so personally. I don't really have information to back all/any of this up, but it's just an opinion:)

 

[DaveC426913]

Oh that's way, way too much drama.

(Post went missing. If it was deleted deliberately, then my mistake for reposting)

Whereas in the first scenario we at least had a verbatim account of the text exchange, in this case, we are getting only one (highly subjective) side of the story. It is doubtful that Jack would deliberately reveal his own culpability. It is even more doubtful that he realizes (like all of us, no offense intended Jack) that he might have some culpability.

So, the only answer I can give is that none of us can judge the scenario objectively.

Jack, you should know better than to post your side of the story and then expect to get anything other than what you want to hear.

 

[BobG]

She responds this morning with a 5 page text message explaining that her back pain was acting up and that's why she left. And she wasn't mad about Twilight, she was just teasing me. So now, I feel like a jerk for not comforting her when she was in pain, ...

Ooh, she's good!

You should redeem yourself and not only go see the Twilight movie with her, but pay for it!

 

[Jack21222]

Oh that's way, way too much drama.

If it's not too personal - how old are you both? And is this the first serious relationship for either of you?

She's 27, I'm 28. It's her second relationship of any kind, and it's my 6th or 7th serious relationship.

If it means so much to her, just go see the movie. You should make some sacrafices for the people you love. Seeing a stupid movie is one of them.

See, I disagree that that's what relationships are about. I shouldn't have to do anything I really don't want to do, and neither should she. She has friends she can see the movie with, she does not need to drag me along. I think it's rather rude of her to keep pestering me about this when it's clear I'm not interested. Why would she want me to have a bad time? What kind of sadist does that?

Yeah, its about compromise. if something mean that much to her, and she wants to share it with you, then just go along and try to enjoy it for her sake! you shouldn't assume you know what she's thinking either - if you are not sure why she went upstairs, ask her what's bothering HER. It seems you always just think about what you want, and think the worst of her. She doesn't sounds crazy at all, if anything, she sounds like she's in love with you and wants to spend all her time doing things with you. You could have it so much worse! you should treat her better and appreciate her more.

Sometimes, I think I could have it so much better and just be alone.

and its really not very good of you to complain about her and call her crazy behind her back... I think, if you don't start appreciating her, eventually she will leave you. And then you will regret it.

Here's hoping.

 

[MathematicalPhysicist]

Alright, so my girlfriend and I are planning to go to the Renaissance Fair tomorrow morning. I'd leave my house around 8:30 and pick her up at 9. She offered to cook me breakfast tomorrow morning before we leave, but I declined, since I'd already be waking up at 8am as it is, and I don't want to wake up even earlier.

Anyway, now she's mad at me. I feel as if I did nothing wrong, and she's just being crazy. She probably feels as if I'm being an unreasonable jerk, and that she did nothing wrong.

So, am I a jerk, or is she crazy? Here is the exact text message exchange:



Please advise.

I believe it's the time of the month when they get their monthly period.

 

[nucleargirl]

Sometimes, I think I could have it so much better and just be alone.

Here's hoping.

Argh! ~Just break up with her! and 6 or 7th relationship??! stop hurting people!
Selfish! Leave girls alone!

 

[MarcoD]

Argh! ~Just break up with her! and 6 or 7th relationship??! stop hurting people!
Selfish! Leave girls alone!

Don't know whether the guy is selfish, but relying on other people to solve 'problems' he imagines are there is plain stupid and doesn't show a lot of respect to the other party.

 

[Jack21222]

Don't know whether the guy is selfish, but relying on other people to solve 'problems' he imagines are there is plain stupid and doesn't show a lot of respect to the other party.

Man, people here are not going to understand your subjectively colored version of whatever happens between two persons on this world, and I find you an idiot for assuming such. Go see a therapist, or mommy, if you think there's anything to talk about and learn to solve your own problems.

What? Relying on other people to solve problems? Where in this thread am I asking anybody to solve any of my problems? I asked for an interpretation of a text exchange, that's far different than asking anybody to "solve a problem." The rest of my posts are general griping, and not a solicitation of advice. Besides, this subforum is basically dedicated to asking for advice. So your post is tantamount to a call for the subforum to be shut down.

Your most might be the most ridiculous I've seen here in a week, and that's including any number of crackpot posts on S&D.

Argh! ~Just break up with her! and 6 or 7th relationship??! stop hurting people!
Selfish! Leave girls alone!

I might break up with her soon, if she doesn't break up with me. It's just difficult because she's a friend of the family, and I'll have to deal with a bunch of family drama when I do. I met this girl about 15 years ago, and our parents are close.

You really think 6 or 7 relationships is too much? I've been dating for over 10 years now, that's less than one relationship per year.

 

[Boy@n]

Nice example, simple, silly but real. An don't think it's that rear. Communication among people would work much better if people would be saying what they feel all along. If she asked "honey, I'd like us to have breakfast together" you too would probably reply differently, like "sure darling, since I see how much you'd like that" or "darling, if OK to you I'd rather skip it this time to sleep one hour longer"...

It could still go wrong, but when feelings are better expressed understanding increases and disappointments lessen.

An advice I too often forget it ;)

 

[nucleargirl]

She's 27, I'm 28. It's her second relationship of any kind, and it's my 6th or 7th serious relationship.

See, I disagree that that's what relationships are about. I shouldn't have to do anything I really don't want to do, and neither should she. She has friends she can see the movie with, she does not need to drag me along. I think it's rather rude of her to keep pestering me about this when it's clear I'm not interested. Why would she want me to have a bad time? What kind of sadist does that?

Sometimes, I think I could have it so much better and just be alone.

I think you have an unrealistic view of relationships maybe. Relationships are all about give and take, and communication about what you each want. Two people will never get long perfectly, but you love each other and that makes you want to be together. but being together will result in conflicts of interest, and that's when compromise should happen.

She doesn't want you to have a bad time at the movies, maybe she knows you won't enjoy the film, but you should want to be with her, and being with her and seeing her happy should make up for sitting through a bad film. And vice versa when you want to take her to a football game or whatever. same with gettin up an hour early to have breakfast together, the eating together and having her cook for you because she loves you, should make up for having an hour less of sleep. It should feel like its worth it. if it doesnt, then either your expectations of what a relationship should be like needs evaluating, or you just don't love her enough. only you will know which it is.

(and I think she especially wants to see twilight with YOU because you are her boyfriend - twilight makes girls feel romantic, when she feels romantic she wants YOU to be next to her, so she can hug you and feel all protected with your arm around her shoulder etc. Do you really want her to be seeing a romantic film with another guy? and she wouldn't have as much fun with her girlfriends cos she can't make out with them, can she?)

 

[nucleargirl]

You really think 6 or 7 relationships is too much? I've been dating for over 10 years now, that's less than one relationship per year.

*sigh*... its not about how many you've had over how long, its about how many hearts you've broken. You should go into each serious relationship with the ideal of getting married and living together for life. When a relationship doesn't work out, at least one side is probably quite hurt, and that affects the next relationship you get into. I don't know why its not working out for you, but perhaps you should think about whether you want to be with another person for life, and if so, what may be going wrong to cause all of those to not work out.

 

[nucleargirl]

I might break up with her soon, if she doesn't break up with me. It's just difficult because she's a friend of the family, and I'll have to deal with a bunch of family drama when I do. I met this girl about 15 years ago, and our parents are close.

do you really love her or are you just with her because you have known her for ages and you feel comfortble with her? Are you afraid to break up because you actually care for her and don't want to be without her, or are you just scared of looking bad in front of your family?

Sounds to me like she obviously loves you! So if you still want to be with her, then don't be afraid to give more than you get, if you know she would like something, then do that. If she really loves you, the more you give, the more you will get back.

You can start by booking tickets to twilight when she is free, pick her up, buy her popcorn and candy, put your arm around her during the romantic bits (or if you can't tell, do it when she puts her head on your shoulder), kiss her head, and tell her she's prettier than Bella after the movie! :p

 

[Evo]

*sigh*... its not about how many you've had over how long, its about how many hearts you've broken. You should go into each serious relationship with the ideal of getting married and living together for life. When a relationship doesn't work out, at least one side is probably quite hurt, and that affects the next relationship you get into. I don't know why its not working out for you, but perhaps you should think about whether you want to be with another person for life, and if so, what may be going wrong to cause all of those to not work out.

Bolding mine - YIKES! I thought he'd only been dating this girl for 3 months? Is this a different relationship?

 

[nucleargirl]

oh! I thought they had been together for much longer than that. either way, the principle still stands! not talking about casual dating or anything like that. For serious dating, I think both people should be looking for a life-long partner, even from the start.

 

[Evo]

Kind of missing the point. As did the OP.

If one is going to spend an hour making breakfast for someone, and then gets blown off, it's not about the waffles.

Whoa, she didn't spend any time doing anything, it didn't even get to the point of planning because she just sprung the idea on him and he said no upfront. That's why it's so crazy.

If they had agreed to it and she had gone shopping for ingredients and had done prep work and then he canceled on her the night before, that might make her reaction a bit less crazy, not much, but a bit.

 

[Evo]

oh! I thought they had been together for much longer than that. either way, the principle still stands! not talking about casual dating or anything like that. For serious dating, I think both people should be looking for a life-long partner, even from the start.

Yes, I agree if it's a serious relationship. I'd missed the past couple of pages and I thought I missed another discussion.