Would you date or marry a nonintellectual?

[Honn]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

 

[siddharth23]

Is anyone dating you?

 

[Windadct]

Yes -- and I did, however I do not think less of her. If you see yourself as "above" that person than you may never see them as an equal in the relationship (IMO THAT is necessary). Being an intellectual is akin to having a hobby, she has her interests and I have mine, and we share maybe 40%. As for dating how do you know until you date them?

Best advice I got form my mother-in-law..."Go into marriage with both eyes open, and stay married with one eye closed."

 

[jim hardy]

Popular lore on the subject abounds.
Got Netflix?
Movies
"My Fair Lady"
"The Apartment"
"Born Yesterday"

deal with men who thought themselves above ordinary women.

“Human beings are poor examiners, subject to superstition, bias, prejudice, and a PROFOUND tendency to see what they want to see rather than what is really there.”

the road less travelled

 

[StatGuy2000]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

I think the answer to this question would really depend on if the other person has enough common interests and things we can talk about to be interesting and fun to be with. If the other person and I can find enough things to be interested in and have a conversation, then sure, why not?

 

[SixNein]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

Absolutely

I think there is a lot of ways for a person to sum up as an equal. Having some difference can even be quite refreshing and create balance. In addition, you can make friends who enjoy those types of conversations. For example, I have mathematician and computer scientist friends that enjoy these types of conversations.

 

[SteamKing]

Intellectuals aren't what they're always cracked up to be. They can be terrifically odd and tedious simultaneously. Newton was without a doubt one of the most brilliant men of his or any other time, but hardly a bon vivant. OTOH, John von Neumann was whip smart, scarily otherworldly in his grasp of difficult subjects, and quite the party animal.

Life is more than intellectual pursuits. A well-rounded, well adjusted individual is more pleasant to be around socially.

In any event, it helps if the other person is hot. ;)

 

[jim hardy]

evo if this is off-topic feel free to delete

Would you date or marry someone like this?

The Clod and the Pebble
"Love seeketh not itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care,
But for another gives its ease,
And builds a heaven in hell's despair."

So sung a little Clod of Clay,
Trodden with the cattle's feet,
But a Pebble of the brook
Warbled out these metres meet:

"Love seeketh only Self to please,
To bind another to its delight,
Joys in another's loss of ease,
And builds a hell in heaven's despite."

Literature Network » William Blake » The Clod and the Pebble

been there, done that

old jim

 

[Garth]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

It depends on whether you could find "someone like this" who is dumb enough to marry you.

I would marry someone you do love and will love. :)

Garth

 

[Psinter]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

Yes. Intellectual talks is not something I would seek in a relationship. Not dumb talk, but not intellectual either... just normal. Plus, people tend to adapt. I noticed people who spend time with me tend to copy me. So they will eventually learn from me and I will learn from them and there will be no problem having an intellectual conversation.

Best advice I got form my mother-in-law..."Go into marriage with both eyes open, and stay married with one eye closed."

I don't get it. Could you please explain those words in a more simple manner so I can understand what they mean? Thanks.

 

[JLowe]

If you define an "intellectual" as someone who can have an intelligent conversation with you, then no, I would not be with anyone who wasn't an intellectual.

You must strictly define intellectual though, because I've encountered numerous people with various degrees that I could not have an intelligent conversation with. I've also encountered people with very little formal education that could dissect complex subjects rather impressively. That being said, some of the smartest people I know personally are engineers, and I get that feeling of childish euphoria when we really click on a subject.

I know as a musician I want to play with someone slightly better than me, but not too much better. They usually will feel the same way, so it works out best if each of you are better at different things. Its the same with a relationship, I wouldn't want to be with someone who makes me look like an idiot, but I have no desire to make anyone else look like an idiot either.

 

[SixNein]

Its the same with a relationship, I wouldn't want to be with someone who makes me look like an idiot, but I have no desire to make anyone else look like an idiot either.

Unless you are dating someone from within your own field of study, the person is probably going to know a lot more about some subjects than you. I think a major part of becoming educated is realizing how little you really know. Once you reach that point, the topic we are discussing seems rather silly.

I recently dated someone who wasn't an intellectual or highly educated, and it was never an issue for me. I think people are confusing personal and professional lives here.

 

[Garth]

I think they have gone; last contact with Honn was the evening of the OP.

Garth

 

[JLowe]

Unless you are dating someone from within your own field of study, the person is probably going to know a lot more about some subjects than you. I think a major part of becoming educated is realizing how little you really know. Once you reach that point, the topic we are discussing seems rather silly.

I recently dated someone who wasn't an intellectual or highly educated, and it was never an issue for me. I think people are confusing personal and professional lives here.

I basically said this same thing and thought I made it clear intellectual doesn't mean educated.

 

[Ryan_m_b]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

The way you're describing it if someone had this standard they could perhaps date one in ten thousand people. Honestly if you're only going to date people classed as geniuses then you're not going to get a lot of dates. Everyone I have dated in my life has been intelligent and I've had many fulfilling relationships from that. I wouldn't describe many of them as "intellectuals" because I'm not entirely sure what one has to be to count as that. Some of them (like my current girlfriend) were academics like me which is interesting. Others weren't which was interesting in a different but equal way.

 

[Quantum Defect]

Windadct: "Best advice I got form my mother-in-law..."Go into marriage with both eyes open, and stay married with one eye closed." "

I don't get it. Could you please explain those words in a more simple manner so I can understand what they mean? Thanks.

I would say, it is a cheeky way to say that you should conduct "due diligence" when picking a person to spend the rest of your life with, but afterward, you should strive to be a tolerant and forgiving spouse.

 

[JLowe]

There's a level of stupidity I'm simply not going to deal with regardless of hotness or anything else, and I find it hard to believe other people don't have a similar cut off even if it isn't strictly a black and white issue.

This bar is way below genius, btw, but still significant enough to include a good amount of people.

 

[alan2]

What in the world is a deep intellectual conversation? My wife is a doctor and, although I've learned a lot from her, I couldn't carry on a deep intellectual conversation about her work anymore than she understands what I do.

 

[Ryan_m_b]

What in the world is a deep intellectual conversation? My wife is a doctor and, although I've learned a lot from her, I couldn't carry on a deep intellectual conversation about her work anymore than she understands what I do.

I think this is a key point. As it stands "deep intellectual conversation" smacks of elitism within a specific field.

 

[Quantum Defect]

I think this is a key point. As it stands "deep intellectual conversation" smacks of elitism within a specific field.

My wife and I both have PhDs. When we had our child and he was in diapers, there was a lot of talk in our house about poop, pee, etc. I think that real life is very "real." :)

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

When we had our child and he was in diapers, there was a lot of talk in our house about poop, pee, etc.

My wife and I don't have a child, yet this is still the case :D

 

[JLowe]

I think this is a key point. As it stands "deep intellectual conversation" smacks of elitism within a specific field.

I agree it's too strong a phrase.

 

[jim hardy]

Love ? Intellectual ? Deep ?

somebody once said:

The wonderful love of a beautiful maid,
The love of a staunch true man,
The love of a baby unafraid,
Have existed since life began.
But the greatest love, the love of loves,
Even greater than that of a mother,
Is the tender, passionate, infinite love,
Of one drunken bum for another.

 

[Pythagorean]

My wife and I both have PhDs. When we had our child and he was in diapers, there was a lot of talk in our house about poop, pee, etc. I think that real life is very "real." :)

I always have to catch myself before telling my friends I'm going to the potty :/

 

[timthereaper]

but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects

What's a "profound intellectual subject" and why can only "geniuses" talk about them? I'm assuming you're thinking about things like: meaning of life, the world's hunger/homeless problem, peace in the Middle East, intense physics/math/philosophy questions, etc. I'm not seeing anything here that 99.9% of the world can't talk about intelligently. I'm not sure I'm even qualified to give an intelligent opinion on half of things I consider profound intellectual subjects. If I was arrogant enough to consider myself a genius and would want to spend my life with someone I believed to be on my level intellectually, I would hope anyone half that smart would have the good sense to stay away from me.

However, as a man interested in technical subjects happily married to a woman who is decidedly non-technical, we have some great conversations about those exact subjects. I'm actually glad she doesn't share the same intellectual interests as I do because I'm wrong enough of the time as it is that I don't need her to know how wrong I am even in my specialized technical areas.

 

[Honn]

By nonintellectual I meant an intellectually simple person. A person who is street smart but not book smart. Someone who can't talk about more complex subjects like in philosophy, science, politics, math, physics, etc..
Someone who prefers talking about mundane subjects. This person is not a book aficionado and prefers watching movies and tv rather than reading.
My question is how important intellectual compatibility is for you.

 

[SixNein]

By nonintellectual I meant an intellectually simple person. A person who is street smart but not book smart. Someone who can't talk about more complex subjects like in philosophy, science, politics, math, physics, etc..
Someone who prefers talking about mundane subjects. This person is not a book aficionado and prefers watching movies and tv rather than reading.
My question is how important intellectual compatibility is for you.

For me, it doesn't matter.

I once fell head over hills for a girl who was street smart as opposed to book smart.

 

[HuskyNamedNala]

Humour and character are more important to me. I know smart people who are so clueless about life that it is frustrating to be around them. I know people who aren't very bright in the traditional sense but know how to have a good time - these are the people where some of my best memories were made.

I also know people who have a lot of common sense, and I find these people much easier to interact with on a daily basis. Then again, to me being smart encompasses both knowing "complicated" subjects as well as being able to think for yourself and exercise "common sense." To me, if you don't have both then you aren't intelligent.

 

[JLowe]

Humour and character are more important to me. I know smart people who are so clueless about life that it is frustrating to be around them. I know people who aren't very bright in the traditional sense but know how to have a good time - these are the people where some of my best memories were made.

I also know people who have a lot of common sense, and I find these people much easier to interact with on a daily basis. Then again, to me being smart encompasses both knowing "complicated" subjects as well as being able to think for yourself and exercise "common sense." To me, if you don't have both then you aren't intelligent.

Common sense is an important thing to have and there are too many "smart" people walking around without it. But it can be learned as well, it just takes a different kind of effort.

 

[HuskyNamedNala]

I don't think so. I think the only thing that brings common sense is having a hard life. I don't know too many people who had it easy that have this attribute. So maybe an intellectual with some damaged goods is the best way to go :)

 

[JLowe]

I don't think so. I think the only thing that brings common sense is having a hard life. I don't know too many people who had it easy that have this attribute. So maybe an intellectual with some damaged goods is the best way to go :)

This isn't true, I know plenty of people with hard lives that have zero common sense. In fact it's probably a big reason for their hard lives.

 

[JLowe]

In my opinion, I think everyone physically able should spend at least 2 years of their life in a blue collar job. Not a mindless assembly line job, but preferably a blue collar job that requires you to think, such as construction or drilling, etc.

 

[StatGuy2000]

In my opinion, I think everyone physically able should spend at least 2 years of their life in a blue collar job. Not a mindless assembly line job, but preferably a blue collar job that requires you to think, such as construction or drilling, etc.

Easier said than done, because most blue collar jobs of that sort require some form of post-secondary training or apprenticeship. That's a commitment of at least a year, more likely 2 years. The blue collar jobs that don't require such training are by their very nature mindless (e.g. mopping floors, assembly line work).

 

[JLowe]

Easier said than done, because most blue collar jobs of that sort require some form of post-secondary training or apprenticeship. That's a commitment of at least a year, more likely 2 years. The blue collar jobs that don't require such training are by their very nature mindless (e.g. mopping floors, assembly line work).

No, the primary reason training takes a while is because of the ridiculously high safety standards. You can literally take your basic 40 hour safety class though, and with no further training work at a lot of these jobs.

I'm an environmental driller, and day 1 one when I got hired I knew nothing about the field and required no special training beyond on the job experience. Of course it still takes years to master these fields, but my point is most of your training is basic safety, eg, basic common sense. There certainly exist blue collar jobs that do require a lot of special training though.

 

[jim hardy]

My question is how important intellectual compatibility is for you.

Realizing that i spend > 90% of my waking time
maintaining the yard, fixing the cars lawnmower dishwasher fridge washing machine chainsaw outboard motors household plumbing & so on;
carrying groceries in and trash out
handling the bills and the gargantuan paperwork load imposed by insurance industry
fielding calls from telematketers between calls from the kids
cutting wood for heat in winter and tending to the garden and grandkids in summer

It is far more important to me to have a spouse who recognizes the preposterous degree of overcomplication in life to which we have become accustomed
and who will be there with a sandwich and a kind word when i drag into the house exhausted soaked with sweat and covered in wood chips or automobile grease
and offers me a fresh towel after i shower...
than to have one who will instead query me about Kierkegaard and Kant .
Fair Anne threw herself wholeheartedly into raising healthy children and set the example for them as quintessential caretaker.
Now THAT is giving.

i'd say find out where you yourself fall on the scale between behavioral extremes of ascetic and overly accommodating
and look for partners who are similar by that criterion , not by their level of education .
because when a giver hooks up with a taker it leads to misery.

my two cents (again)old jim

 

[StatGuy2000]

No, the primary reason training takes a while is because of the ridiculously high safety standards. You can literally take your basic 40 hour safety class though, and with no further training work at a lot of these jobs.

I'm an environmental driller, and day 1 one when I got hired I knew nothing about the field and required no special training beyond on the job experience. Of course it still takes years to master these fields, but my point is most of your training is basic safety, eg, basic common sense. There certainly exist blue collar jobs that do require a lot of special training though.

At the risk of getting further off-topic, yes, a considerable portion of the training does involve safety training (given the nature of the jobs involved, one could argue that safety training is the most important training to take). One question I would have is just how much thinking does drilling involve. I would presume drillers think most carefully about where and when to drill.

But I will take your word for it that drilling involve considerable thinking, but that may be a special case. Consider an electrician, for example (one of the most sought-after blue collar job out there). One cannot become an electrician without going through at least 1 year post-secondary education at a community college plus an intensive apprenticeship program here in Ontario, Canada where I'm from. I don't think this is something that just everyone can get into. And this is far from an isolated example, as many other blue collar jobs have similar requirements.

 

[JLowe]

At the risk of getting further off-topic, yes, a considerable portion of the training does involve safety training (given the nature of the jobs involved, one could argue that safety training is the most important training to take). One question I would have is just how much thinking does drilling involve. I would presume drillers think most carefully about where and when to drill.

But I will take your word for it that drilling involve considerable thinking, but that may be a special case. Consider an electrician, for example (one of the most sought-after blue collar job out there). One cannot become an electrician without going through at least 1 year post-secondary education at a community college plus an intensive apprenticeship program here in Ontario, Canada where I'm from. I don't think this is something that just everyone can get into. And this is far from an isolated example, as many other blue collar jobs have similar requirements.

What I should point out, is that even though there exists drilling schools, welding schools, etc, companies will hire you whether you attend these schools or not. Mostly because they know that on the job experience trumps the school. Actually, welding may be a little different due the tremendous skill involved, but nonetheless, if you can prove you're a good welder, you need no schooling for most places that I know. A lot of fields require licenses, but depending on the state, your company's owner can have a license and have his employees work under it.

Yes, there are many blue collar jobs that require special training, but my point is that there are many that don't, and they aren't "mindless".

To answer your specific question about drilling(I can only speak to certain types of drilling), I'll have to say its a complicated answer. All I can say is that no one that I know on Earth is going to be a good driller without putting a lot of thought into it, and they certainly wouldn't master it otherwise. You can be taught these things on site though, and you need no special training. I'm not claiming its on par with rocket science now, so don't get me wrong.

 

[nuuskur]

Spend time with them, get to know them - can't decide fast.. well unless it's a a few nights' stand , in which case..who even cares?

 

[x86]

Date, yes. Marry? No. The family court system in my country has intrinsic hate and bias against men.

 

[Mark44]

I always have to catch myself before telling my friends I'm going to the potty :/

Unless the friends are from Boston...

 

[BobG]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

Maybe almost as important than what you're going to say to each other - can you restrain yourself from constantly correcting your partner?

She says: I think you should spend more time with the kids and I.

You say: Actually, it's "the kids and me". You should say "the kids and me".

She says: The kids and you?! What the heck are you talking about?! The kids are never with you!She says: I could care less.

You say: Actually, you mean you couldn't care less.
(Which means Evo will never marry.)She says: Light appears white because the Sun is emitting all colors of light equally.

You say: Actually, the Sun's emissions peak in the green range of wavelengths. The light appears white because of how our brain processes colors.

She says: Every time you open your mouth, another leprechaun dies.

You say: Actually, leprechauns aren't real.She says: I think we should take our vacation in Miami.

You say: Actually, I think you mean your ami.

She says: That's what I said! Miami!

You say: Just checking.She says: When I rang up $247 in groceries and realized I'd left my purse at home, I literally died, right there in the supermarket, of embarrassment!

You say: Actually, you're still alive and standing in our kitchen. I think you mean you figuratively died.

She says: One more word and you're dead, and, knowing you, that means you're virtually dead.

You say: What?It never ends well if you're constantly making your partner feel stupid.

 

[Evo]

She says: I could care less.

You say: Actually, you mean you couldn't care less.
(Which means Evo will never marry.)

LOL, I really can not stand it when someone says "I could care less", when they actually think they are saying they COULDN'T care less. AARRRGH! It's like dragging fingernails on a chalk board. But, we've had that thread, so let's not go there again.

 

[Lisa!]

It's like dragging fingernails on a chalk board. But, we've had that thread, so let's not go there again.

Please don't do/post that again!

 

[SixNein]

Please don't do/post that again!

Why? I could care less.

 

[QuantumCurt]

It depends on a lot of factors. Some of the more intellectual people out there can be incredibly abrasive. A lot of people have a smugness around their intelligence that really just sticks out. I rarely see this in non-intellectual type people. However, I think this is a rather blurred point. It's not as simple as saying "intellectual or not". Are we talking about the type of non-intellect that just isn't particularly interested in discussing a philosophy paper, or are we talking about a non-intellect in the sense of thinking Jesus was born in the United States and Earth is 6000 years old?

The former is perfectly okay with me. The latter? No so much.

 

[Lisa!]

Why? I could care less.

I also could care less! I have problem with dragging fingernails on a chalk board.

 

[Joshua McAnaney]

Without trying to sound condescending, as long as you can have somewhat intellectual conversations with them I see no issue. It can be a drawback when one person in a relationship is very much an intellectual, and the other is not, as conversations can be pretty limited, but as long as they can keep up with you then it's great. In fact, on the other hand, it's sometimes better, it helps to massage your ego :P

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

I originally typed up a few paragraphs on the nature of dating being conducive towards the discrediting of all manners and groupings of humanity, many based upon mere whimsy. Then I thought, "who cares."

Essentially, I say I'll only go for a blonde, and I'll get a playful "you're crazy! brunettes are way hotter!" and nothing more. I say I won't go for an intellectually stimulating SO, and I might find myself being accused of pedantry or solipsism, determining for myself who's intelligent enough to be with me, the same way everyone else unthinkingly determines for themselves who is attractive enough to be with them.

This isn't to say that I won't date a girl I don't find intellectually stimulating--that's what my labmates are for, and I'd rather stick to physics than dalliance with those fellows. However, I do find the distinction interesting. My girlfriend is more attractive than I am (but aren't the girls always), and not to mince words, I am more intelligent than my girlfriend. That doesn't mean that, when we meet up for the purpose of "napping," we won't instead get caught up in discussions of fate, or the death penalty, or any manner or aspect of politics and human nature.

But no matter what we discuss, she's a great conversationalist. That's what counts. If you find yourself unable to have an intelligent discussion with another person, before discounting them, consider first that perhaps your method of speech, your charm, your ability to entice another to discuss something with you, your abrasive or perhaps dismissive manner, is to blame, rather than idiocy on their part. I've yet to find a person I can't have a good conversation with, because we're all different and have wells of erudition dug in different lands.

This is all to say that humans are stupidly complex, and if you're such a buffoon as to disregard (so many 'd' words today: discredit, discount, disregard) another person upon one aspect of their wholeness, then maybe next time you wonder to yourself why you're alone, you can finally answer that.

 

[EverGreen1231]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

There's more to life than just intellectual pursuits. I would vastly prefer someone who is kind to others and who's first instinct is to smile when they make eye contact with a stranger, over someone who would could articulate beautifully on the latest findings in some distant region of Physics.

 

[Rainbow Rider]

I basically said this same thing and thought I made it clear intellectual doesn't mean educated.

I double like this post..