Was I Too Forgiving? Relationship Aftermath/Reconciliation

[LightbulbSun]

My year and a half relationship was abruptly ended last winter, and I was left an emotional and mental wreck for quite some time. However, last night I talked to my ex again and decided to let all of that baggage go and become friends with her. I've felt better about a lot of things because of it, but do you think I was too forgiving towards her after the damage she caused me?

 

[Evo]

You are the only one that can decide that. Do what feels right for *you*. I personally don't hold grudges, but that doesn't mean I will ever let that person back into my life. If a person has done something that to me doesn't make them worthy of my friendship, they are not getting a second chance, I get rid of them and don't look back.

 

[LightbulbSun]

You are the only one that can decide that. Do what feels right for *you*. I personally don't hold grudges, but that doesn't mean I will ever let that person back into my life. If a person has done something that to me doesn't make them worthy of my friendship, they are not getting a second chance, I get rid of them and don't look back.

I would never get back into a relationship with her. A friendship is where it stays at this point for the rest of my life. I just felt like the hurt I received from our falling out was all pent up, and I didn't want to carry that baggage anymore. I don't care about what happened anymore, I just want to carry on.

 

[rootX]

My year and a half relationship was abruptly ended last winter, and I was left an emotional and mental wreck for quite some time. However, last night I talked to my ex again and decided to let all of that baggage go and become friends with her. I've felt better about a lot of things because of it, but do you think I was too forgiving towards her after the damage she caused me?

Nopes,
Forgiving others make(should) you happier/atleast great (unbiased statement)

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

If you are truly healed from the breakup then friendship is great, but if not, it is dangerous.

 

[LightbulbSun]

If you are truly healed from the breakup then friendship is great, but if not, it is dangerous.

I think for the most part I'm healed from it. I know the reasons why it happened, which I waited so long for, but with that piece of knowledge I can say I have my closure.

 

[JasonRox]

Depends on what happened, basically what Evo is saying implicitly.

If she just broke up with you because the feelings she had for you came to an end, that's normal and you shouldn't hold it against her at all. Being friends here is legit.

I think the only thing that came stop me from being friends with an ex would be with someone who manipulated me or tried to.

Note: So someone can "cheat" on me, and I won't care.

 

[Evo]

I am best friends with several guys I used to date, but we just realized that we weren't romantically suitable, or we just drifted apart. They never did anything to hurt me or betray my trust.

Different strokes for different folks. I have to question if you really aren't feeling that you are making some kind of concession in doing this, otherwise, why would you be posting this? What makes you uncomfortable about this decision?

 

[LightbulbSun]

Depends on what happened, basically what Evo is saying implicitly.

If she just broke up with you because the feelings she had for you came to an end, that's normal and you shouldn't hold it against her at all. Being friends here is legit.

I think the only thing that came stop me from being friends with an ex would be with someone who manipulated me or tried to.

Note: So someone can "cheat" on me, and I won't care.

Well I don't want to go into too much detail about it since its personal, but as far back as 2-3 months before our relationship ended, she was deeply interested in this other guy. Then when she broke up with me to date him, they essentially jumped right in and started having sex with each other, not even two weeks after me and her broke up. And our relationship wasn't some flimsy thing either. We went through a lot in that year and a half span. It was almost like being married. So that kind of struck a huge blow to me. But what really struck me good was she evaded from telling me why she broke up with me for quite some time. It took me to make up a screen name and pretend to be someone else to finally get answers out of her. All of which were fabrications, that even if they were true she never communicated to me or attempted to fix while we were dating.

Those two things are what brought a lot of damage to me, but as I've said knowing the reasons, whether they're fabrications or not, at least provides me some closure on this whole thing.

 

[LightbulbSun]

Different strokes for different folks. I have to question if you really aren't feeling that you are making some kind of concession in doing this, otherwise, why would you be posting this? What makes you uncomfortable about this decision?

I just don't want this forgiveness to signify that I'm vulnerable. I'm honestly over it now, I have my closure. I just don't want to be viewed as someone who easily forgives, no matter what happens.

 

[edward]

I just don't want this forgiveness to signify that I'm vulnerable. I'm honestly over it now, I have my closure. I just don't want to be viewed as someone who easily forgives, no matter what happens.

Ironically that depends on what did happen.

 

[Moonbear]

I just don't want this forgiveness to signify that I'm vulnerable. I'm honestly over it now, I have my closure. I just don't want to be viewed as someone who easily forgives, no matter what happens.

Forgiveness doesn't imply vulnerability, and I'm not sure why you think it's a negative thing to forgive? Like Evo, I tend to think that if you're asking the question, something still isn't feeling right to you and you're hoping someone will validate your worries. Maybe you aren't quite over the break-up yet, or maybe you still have lingering feelings, or maybe you're sensing that she's using you or manipulating you in some way.

It's not like this is an irreversible decision. You can always decide later that it's not feeling right trying to be friends, and walk away again.

 

[Art]

Well I don't want to go into too much detail about it since its personal, but as far back as 2-3 months before our relationship ended, she was deeply interested in this other guy. Then when she broke up with me to date him, they essentially jumped right in and started having sex with each other, not even two weeks after me and her broke up. And our relationship wasn't some flimsy thing either. We went through a lot in that year and a half span. It was almost like being married. So that kind of struck a huge blow to me. But what really struck me good was she evaded from telling me why she broke up with me for quite some time. It took me to make up a screen name and pretend to be someone else to finally get answers out of her. All of which were fabrications, that even if they were true she never communicated to me or attempted to fix while we were dating.

Those two things are what brought a lot of damage to me, but as I've said knowing the reasons, whether they're fabrications or not, at least provides me some closure on this whole thing.

I'm sorry now but that is creepy!

 

[JasonRox]

Then when she broke up with me to date him, they essentially jumped right in and started having sex with each other, not even two weeks after me

Seems like you're more bummed out about the sex than anything else.

 

[LightbulbSun]

Forgiveness doesn't imply vulnerability, and I'm not sure why you think it's a negative thing to forgive? Like Evo, I tend to think that if you're asking the question, something still isn't feeling right to you and you're hoping someone will validate your worries. Maybe you aren't quite over the break-up yet, or maybe you still have lingering feelings, or maybe you're sensing that she's using you or manipulating you in some way.

It's not like this is an irreversible decision. You can always decide later that it's not feeling right trying to be friends, and walk away again.

I feel alright about my decision. I was just bothered by that aspect of it.

 

[Averagesupernova]

As someone who has been around the block a time or two let me throw this out: It is entirely possible that the 'fake screen-name' move didn't work as well as you thought. Alot of women seem to have pretty good intuition. She may have known very well that you were not who you were posing as and you were actually good ol' lightbulbsun. This would be the reason she gave you fabrications. Did you later tell her that you posed as someone else? If so did you tell her that you know those reasons she gave you were fabrications? If you didn't bring any of this out in the open to her after you have become 'just friends' then you are only interested in revenge no matter how much it feels like you are not. You won't very good friends if you continue to lie to each other. I know because I've been taught by some of the best.