Hi Sylas, I'd say you've got a pretty good understanding going there! I have a few comments and additions which will hopefully help.
sylas said:
The solar system isn't expanding. It is not because gravity is hard at work preventing the solar system from being pulled apart; it is that gravity HAS pulled it together so that there is no expansion going on. Same for our galaxy, or our local group of galaxies. Gravity has pulled them all together so that they are gravitationally bound and not expanding.
A key concept here is the Virial Thereom which describes the balance between kinetic and potential energy in a stable system. The systems you mention; galaxies, clusters (eventually) and solar systems are examples of 'virialised' systems in which this balance holds.
The early universe has small differences in density from place to place and you can imagine solving the Friedmann equations, which are normally taken to represent the whole universe, for a finite region which happens to be at a different density from the average. If a region is sufficiently overdense, it will eventually collapse (even if the overall universe does not) forming a galaxy or cluster or galaxies. Formally, the size of the region (its local scale factor) will go to zero at some time. However, the Friedmann Equations are a simplification, and in practice the virial theroem kicks in preventing the contractiong from proceeding once the kinetic and potential energy are in balance.
So, once a system is virialised the initial condition of expansion is 'forgotten' and the system is stable. In practice, the mergers of different systems is actually the cause of the build up of things like galaxies and clusters, rather than isolated collapse, but the same arguements about virialisation hold.
sylas said:
A complication is "dark energy". Apparently there is a kind of energy within the vacuum that works a bit like a tiny "pressure" (and that might not be the best word) to push things apart. The tendency of dark energy is to acceleration expansion. So in a sense there is something, it seems, that is continually pushing things apart while gravity is pulling them together. But it is not the expansion that is doing the pushing or pulling. Expansion is just a description of how things are moving at present.
This is not as much of a complication as you might think. The simplest model for dark energy is a cosmological constant in which the energy density of dark energy is constant. In the Newtonian limit this acts as a force which is repulsive and proportional to distance, so that Newton's law of gravity becomes
F = -GmM/r^2 + Cmr
where the C is some constant. What this does therefore is slightly changes the balance involved in the virial theorem, but importantly there is still a stable balance point. That is to say, in the presence of dark energy, the Earth might orbit a little bit further from the Sun than without, but it still finds a stable orbit. Even in the presence of dark energy, there is no residual expansion in bound systems.
The complication that can arise is the case of dynamical dark energy, in which the energy density of dark energy is not constant. In this case in principle the balance of the virial theorem could change over time, however if the energy density of dark energy is slightly decreasing, then this actually means a virialised system would contract, rather than expand, due to dark energy. In practice, the energy density of dark energy compared to that of matter is very very tiny in a collapsed objects like galaxies and clusters, so you can completely ignore its effects when it comes to internal dynamics. So even in the case of dark energy, there is no expansion in bound systems.
The one exception is the case of 'phantom' dark energy, in which the energy density of dark energy increases without bound into the future. In this case bound systems can be torn apart, and in principle eventually even atoms and smaller particles cannot stay bound, leading to a 'Big Rip'. This is a cartoon model that is completely absurd and most dark energy theorists rue the day this one got into the pop sci imagination, but none the less it can't be ruled out from present observations. Note that even in the most extreme cases, none of this will start happening for Billions of years.
sylas said:
A further complication is that space is not as simple as we once thought. We need to use GR to describe it properly. It has properties... curvature, for instance. On really large cosmological scales, the expansion of the universe looks like an expansion of space itself, and seems to be an almost irresistible thought to think of space carrying all the "stuff" along for the ride. That is, space expands and that is pulling things apart, as if space where some kind of fabric to which "stuff" is attached.
I wouldn't worry too much about that. You can always replace 'curvature of space' with 'gravitational field' (at least in the Newtonian limit) and then things are usually easier to understand. I strongly believe that if you need to invoke GR concepts like 'curvature of space' in order to explain or understand basic concepts to do with the expanding universe then you have missed something somewhere. GR is necessary in order to get the numbers right, but not the concepts.